Bon(er) Appetit! How to Make Cum Taste Better

Considering it’s the essence of life, you’d think cum would have a more appetizing flavor than non-toxic craft glue. And we’re not here to yuck anyone’s yum. Some people are positively raving about cum as-is, to which we say congratulations on acquiring that acquired taste; we absolutely love this for you.

But those of us who are self-proclaimed picky swallowers are stuck between a cock and a hard place. We just want to know how to make cum taste better. Fortunately, you have more influence over it than you’d think. We’ll show you how you can un-funk your run-of-the-mill spunk.  

What does cum taste like?

Before we can appreciate the complex notes of your cum’s flavor, we should uncover what it’s actually composed of. Most people already know there’s sperm in it, but that’s not all you’ll find in your lover’s load; in fact, it’s not even half of it. Sperm only accounts for less than 1% of your nut. So what’s giving it that extra hit of spice, then?

Semen is primarily water, clocking in at a rough ratio of 96–98% H₂0 to 4–2% other stuff. That “other stuff” is proteins, amino acids, fructose, and vitamins. Sounds healthy, right? Truthfully, if you were to look at the nutrition facts on the side of a jug of jizz at the supermarket, you’d think “health nut” had a double meaning. But before you go slathering splooge on your décolletage or adding it to your overnight oats, know that a single load isn’t going to make much of a difference. It does sound kinda hot, though…

A taste of your own head-icine

Most people would describe the taste of cum as salty, bitter, or even slightly sour. These are not exactly the most desirable descriptors for your man gravy, but the taste varies from person to person—as do the tastebuds of the person globbing it down. Who knows? Maybe you’re built different.

Time for a taste test! There’s no way to know what your cum tastes like unless you actually taste it. Maybe that sounds too much like picking your nose and eating it, but there’s no harm in trying it if you’re really concerned about improving the taste. It’s like sampling a dish you’re cooking to adjust the seasoning. How can you ensure you’re serving something palatable if you don’t buss down on it yourself?

But what does cum smell like?

The smell of semen is much less mysterious, especially if you’ve ever caught a whiff post-sex. Still, it has plenty of variance, too. The scent is also described as salty or musky; we know you have at least one towel that can attest to this.

The musky element is super appealing to the cum connoisseurs among us. But smell and taste are often intertwined, and some guys can’t help but associate the odor with old gym socks.

Can changing your diet make your semen taste better?

Everything we ingest — not even just what we eat — is capable of altering the way our cum tastes. Food is the most prominent contributor to your semen’s taste. Still, tobacco and medications can add a (usually less appetizing) je ne sais quoi. That’s French for “When was the last time this dude ate a vegetable?”

This is excellent news for those of us who want to ensure our man meat is filled with tasty treats. There are absolutely foods you can eat or adjustments you can make to your lifestyle that should — theoretically — make your cum taste better.

But before you go ham on a gallon of pineapple juice, remember that flavor is subjective; much like coffee or The Real Friends of WeHo, guys may have gotten used to your bitterness. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t change your diet to try and make it more delicious, but your regulars might want to speak to the manager about the recipe change.

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What foods make sperm taste better?

Here’s the fun part — the part where you build a shopping list around better-tasting cum! But should you focus on curbing the bitter flavor or combatting the salty surprise? Here are some things to toss in your cart to improve your next guest’s dining experience:

Pineapple

You already knew this one was coming. Pineapple is the first thing anyone will tell you to eat if you want scrumptious cummies (shout out to bromelain). But does cum taste good now that you’re pineapple pilled? Truthfully, there aren’t enough scientific studies to prove that eating pineapple or drinking pineapple juice is a sure thing (although there are plenty of anecdotal examples of it turning a swallower’s frown upside down).

The claim is that pineapple and other acidic fruits can reduce the intense flavors coming from the alkaline pH in your baby batter. Cranberries and lemons can do the same, but pineapple is generally tastier, which is probably why it’s often recommended.

Orange

It’s only a hop, skip, and a jump away from pineapple, but oranges get a specific shout-out here for being both acidic and sugary. The combination may make for a nicer balance of flavor in your sexy sauce. Your mileage may vary, much like with the benefits of pineapple on your ejaculate, but is it ever a bad idea for a fruit to get more fruit in his diet? We say nay!

Cinnamon

Cinnamon is a delicious, often underutilized spice that may help sweeten your primordial seed. And you don’t have to brave the cinnamon challenge to do it. Cinnamon is a delightful addition to smoothies and even some savory dishes, so it’s easy to sneak into your everyday diet.

Wheatgrass

Wheatgrass doesn’t seem like it should make anything taste good. But again, the goal here is to balance notes within a given load, and wheatgrass can help you do that. It’s probably significantly less delicious than the spunk you’re trying to correct, but you aren’t the target demographic here, are you? Wheatgrass is another healthy and nutritious way to keep your date from gagging on you (the bad kind of gagging, anyway).

Parsley

That’s right; the once gauche tender herb found on the side of every plate of chicken tendies for decades is phenomenal for sweetening your spunk. Parsley is also innocuous in most dishes, so there’s no need to chew on it like a grazing animal. Add it to salad dressings or sauces for a bright, herbaceous dinner that will ensure your partner gets a mellow, light dessert.

Make that load finger-lickin’ good

Although it’s not as simple as adding salt and pepper to make your population paste more palatable, there are fortunately still things you can do to avoid a negative Yelp review. By adding certain foods to your diet while avoiding others, you’re bound to delight and excite the taste buds of your unchaste buds. A healthy diet with minimal red meat, coffee, or tobacco can make every last bit of your bodily fluids a joy to swallow. Soon, they’ll be asking for seconds!

You’re not you when you’re hungry. Find real guys with varying flavors of load on Grindr. Download the Grindr app today to get started with your sexy culinary journey.