No Gender? No Problem: Your Guide to Agender’s Meaning

We’ve all looked at a person and thought, “Wow. That person is full of gender.” Paris Hilton, The Rock, Kristin Chenoweth — it’s almost impossible to look at any of them without thinking, “Yep, there’s a lot of gender happening there.”

Potentially less easy to point out are the folks who don’t experience or associate with gender at all. Usually, the haircut is a giveaway, but there are no guarantees. If genderless individuals have engendered your curiosity regarding agender identities, we can help. We promise it’s less confusing than that last sentence.

What is agender?

Depending on who you ask, agender is either a gender identity in itself or an identity that indicates a lack of gender. Some don’t care either way. If it sounds confusing, don’t fret. Understanding takes time, but you’ll get there.

Want to know the best way to understand what someone means when they identify as agender? Ask them.

Some folks insist it’s a gender identity outside the gender spectrum, similar to nonbinary but specifically not tied to masculinity or femininity. Others don’t view it as a gender identity at all, nor do they think it falls within the gender spectrum. Those folks would say they are genderless; agender is their identity but not necessarily their gender identity (because they don’t have one of those).

The origin of the term “agender”

Like so much of the language we use to talk about gender, sex, pronouns, sexuality, and gender identity (the list goes on), agender is a relatively new term. It’s so new, in fact, that it was actually invented right here on the internet (or, at least, that’s where its first documented use occurred). “Agender” first appeared in UseNet threads around 2000, often to describe God. (What’s that old saying? “Queerliness is next to godliness,” right?)

The rest is history (minus the “his”). From there, the use of the term agender to describe people who didn’t feel moored in any gender experience proliferated both on the internet and in real life.

Although the term is new, agender people have always existed. Now, we know how to talk about them.

Agender vs. other genders and sexualities

If you’ve ever asked a server at a restaurant to explain the difference between naan and pita or mayonnaise and aioli, chances are you left more confused than ever. It can be difficult, but at the end of the day, it’s nice to have so many words for delicious things.

The same is true for the language we use to talk about gender and sexuality — a lot to remember, but tasty nonetheless. Here are a few common identities people might confuse with agender and how they’re similar or different:

Agender vs. nonbinary

Nonbinary is an umbrella term that can encompass many gender identities. Genderqueer, genderfluid, bigender, and even neutrois — a gender identity indicating a null or neutral gender — all fall under the nonbinary umbrella. For some folks, agender also falls under this umbrella because both agender and nonbinary individuals reject the concept of a binary gender system. 

Although some agender individuals stand under the nonbinary umbrella, others love to feel the rain on their skin. They don’t have a gender identity at all. If we think of gender as a spectrum with fixed or even fluctuating points, most agender people would consider themselves to exist off the grid entirely.

Agender vs. asexual

Comparing agender and asexual is like comparing a stone top to a granite kitchen counter. Sure, they might sound the same — maybe a stone top has even bent you over a counter or two. But they aren’t necessarily related.

Asexuality is a sexual identity, and agender is a gender identity (or lack thereof). People who are asexual typically experience no sexual attraction or desire for sex. Agender individuals experience no gender. Transgender, cisgender, nonbinary, and agender people can be asexual, and an asexual person might even be agender, but the two have nothing to do with each other.

Agender vs. genderqueer 

Like nonbinary, genderqueer is a gender identity used by people who fall somewhere on the gender spectrum that is neither male nor female. In fact, it is so much like nonbinary that some will say genderqueer is an umbrella term that nonbinary falls under, and other people will say the opposite. Whatever side you’re on, agender folks are unlikely to identify as genderqueer because, well, their gender isn’t queer; it’s nonexistent. 

Agender vs. gender-fluid

People who identify as gender-fluid might be transgender, nonbinary, male, or female, and that identity may change from day to day. Genderfluid folks’ gender identity is fluid, meaning it fluctuates across the gender spectrum. 

Agender folks aren’t found on the gender spectrum at all. Their gender isn’t fluid, nor is it fixed — it’s nonexistent (possibly neutrois). 

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Agender pronouns

Regardless of your gender identity or gender expression, we all have preferred pronouns (unless you’re an introvert; then, you might not want to be referred to at all). Agender, cis, and nonbinary people all have preferred pronouns.

In almost any culture, gendered language is hard to avoid, but that doesn’t mean it has to be painful. Some agender people might be cool with gendered pronouns, but there are plenty of gender-neutral pronouns, too. If you’re ever curious about what someone’s pronouns are, the easiest way to figure it out is to ask (and offer yours up, too).

Here are some common gender-neutral pronouns and neopronouns:

• they/them/theirs
• xe/xyr/xyr
• ze/hir/hirs
• ey/em/eir
• ze/hir/hirs
• ze/zir/zirs
• xe/xem/xyr

Neopronouns might be a struggle at first, but with practice, you’ll have them down in no time. 

Agender flag

The agender flag is represented by seven horizontal stripes, with black stripes on the top and bottom, followed by gray stripes, white stripes, and one green stripe in the middle. The black and white stripes represent being totally gender-neutral or genderless. The gray stripes represent being partially genderless, and the green stripe represents nonbinary identities. 

How to know if you’re agender

If you’ve been reading this and at any point thought, “Huh… Is that me?” good for you! Our understanding of ourselves and our identities continuously evolves as we do. If you want to dig a bit deeper, here are some questions you can ask yourself:

• How do I feel when people use gendered language or gendered pronouns to talk about me? How would gender-neutral language or gender-neutral pronouns feel? 
• Do I feel an alignment between my sex and gender? Do I feel any connection to my gender at all?
• Do I feel comfortable within the gender binary?
• When I see transgender, nonbinary, or queer folks experiencing gender euphoria, what does that make me feel?
• How does it feel to picture myself living beyond gender?

How to support agender people

Maybe your takeaway is that you’re definitely not agender; that’s great, too. Now, however, you have the opportunity to support the agender people in your life. Here’s how: 

• Ask for their pronouns 
• Don’t discriminate
• Avoid gendered language
• Respect them if and when they come out
• Stand up for them when they’re not around

Every gender from A to Z on Grindr

Here’s another fun fact about agender people: You don’t need a gender to be smokin’ hot. Now that you’ve got a handle on agender, go have a little fun on Grindr. Download the Grindr app and see what else there is to learn.