Subspace in BDSM: What It Is and How It Enhances Your Play

Where’s your happy place? Hanging at your local coffee shop? Curled up on your couch with your favorite show? Or hanging from the ceiling in your personal sex dungeon, getting spanked by the love of your life?

We all have places that make us feel like our most authentic selves. But we also have spaces that feel like higher planes of existence. Subspace can be one of them.

Subspace is a state of mind that many people describe as floating through the air — like the mind and body are disconnected from reality. This state primarily occurs during BDSM play, specifically for submissive individuals. 

But what really happens in the brain during a trip to subspace? Swap out those whips and chains for a pen and paper; Doms and subs alike will want to learn about the sensations that happen in this state — and what you can do to ensure it’s a positive experience. 

What is subspace?

Subspace is a place the submissive’s mind can wander to during BDSM activities. Most people feel a sense of euphoria or relaxation in this mindset, almost like they’re in a trance. For many people, it’s their goal to achieve something close to this during a scene. It’s an example of what makes kink so attractive — the ability to let the worries of the world melt away and feel an otherworldly kind of bliss.

Sounds tempting, right? Subspace is intense, but that can be a double-sided dildo. The sensations many experience during BDSM bring an unparalleled sense of relaxation and pleasure. Yet, there’s also immense value in being present and alert during a scene.

A hallmark of subspace sex is the heightened loss of awareness. When a submissive experiences subspace, it could be a form of dissociation, meaning they may not use the safeword, even if they’re experiencing immense pain or discomfort. The Dominant should remain highly aware to ensure they’re caring for the submissive’s well-being during subspace. Although the sub’s pleasure is heady and enjoyable, it’s still a vulnerable position that should be treated carefully. And aftercare is a must when the scene is complete.

Why do some people experience subspace?

There are many physiological and psychological factors contributing to subspace. First, there are the chemicals your body releases during BDSM scenes. These chemicals, such as endorphins and dopamine, are responsible for the euphoric “feels” you get in your brain during sex or sexual activities. Mix the biochemical response with a potential emotional connection (or even lack of connection) with the partner, and you have a recipe for subspace.

However, not everyone will enter this state of mind. Individual differences, such as personal comfort levels, past experiences, and emotional readiness, play a significant role in whether someone can achieve subspace. But regardless of how easily you slip in and out of this headspace, even the possibility should drive home just how important it is to create a safe and supportive environment during BDSM play.

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How can you enter subspace?

So, you want to take a dive into the darkened corners of that kinky widdle brain of yours? Fantastic! But before you go spelunking, you’ll want to be prepared. Aside from the baseline groundwork for trust and safety (which we’ll get more specific about in a second), you need a comfortable environment. This will look different for everyone, especially since much of BDSM involves intentional discomfort.

Mainly, you need an environment free from distractions. This can help you (the sub, in this instance) focus more on sensations and emotions — your fast track to subspace. Other elements, like sensory deprivation or rhythmic movement, can make it even easier to achieve subspace. Blindfolds and restraints are an obvious choice since they can heighten anticipation and allow the mind to surrender to the moment. 

No matter what advice you follow to achieve subspace, the actual space and how you get there is deeply personal. Your best bet is to team up with a Dom who’s willing to explore various methods to discover what gets you drooling and doe-eyed.

Subspace, safety, and BDSM rules

You’ve probably realized that activating subspace — whether voluntarily or just as a byproduct of hot, kinky sex — requires you to bold, underline, and italicize your established safety rules. You definitely already have those, right? We hope so!

Just in case you’d like a refresher, all sex — but particularly any BDSM practice — revolves around informed consent and clear boundaries. Safe words or signals, although challenging to utter in some instances of subspace, should still be in play so both parties can communicate their comfort levels. Safe words are generally the most straightforward way to indicate if play needs to be paused or stopped.

But this unique state of mind does complicate things. Doms must remain laser-focused on their partner and check in regularly. It’s a big responsibility, but it’s what they signed up for.

And aftercare becomes even more vital. Emotional and physical care post-play can help the submissive person come back down to Earth safely. The transition between subspace and a baseline mindset can be intense, so cuddling, hydration, and conversation are all excellent places to start once the scene is complete.

This is also an excellent time to discuss and acknowledge the emotional and physical limits of everyone involved — including yourself. Self-awareness is a crucial part of practicing healthy kink. Understand what scenes, acts, or feelings might trigger these feelings or experiences. It doesn’t have to be scary; for many practiced kinksters, it’s the time of their lives.

As we said earlier, Doms have a distinct responsibility that kicks into overdrive if the submissive is in this trance-like state. Talking about it after the fact helps you make sense of the experience and allows the Dom to learn what to look for and the kind of care you need. The Dom can also communicate what it was like from the outside to help the sub recognize when they might be transitioning into subspace.

What is sub drop, and how can it be avoided?

Sub drop refers to the emotional and physical sensations some individuals experience after leaving subspace. Sub drop is often accompanied by sadness, fatigue, or irritability.

It makes sense — BDSM play can leave a sub emotionally and physically exhausted. Couple that with a hard drop off of feel-good chemicals once the scene is over, and it makes sense you might crash as the euphoria of subspace fades away.

The good news is that you can avoid sub drop with enough preparation and aftercare. Discussions about expectations are beneficial. An awareness of subspace helps the sub put their peculiar feelings into better context. Subs can also stay hydrated and well-fed beforehand so they don’t leave the session feeling as depleted.

Still, sub drop isn’t completely avoidable. Aftercare is the real ticket to mitigating its effects. Doms, this is the time to provide emotional support, reassurance, physical comfort, snacks — whatever will help your sub smoothly transition back to reality. Aftercare is always a good idea, but it becomes essential during sub drop to maintain a dynamic of safety and connection.

Making subspace your safe space

If the Dom and sub both understand how subspace and sub drop occur during intense play, things are much more likely to go smoothly. You need a partner you can openly communicate with — one you trust to care for you when you don’t feel like yourself. If you’ve found that, you can feel free to float through your personal paradise of subspace.

Interested in sex that sets the scene for subspace? Find experienced Doms and subs scrolling for an eager counterpart (that’s you!) on Grindr! Download the Grindr app today to get started.