Is the 3-Month Rule a Game-Changer in Dating?

There are a lot of “rules” you hear about in relationships: Don’t put out too early (wait at least an hour after eating), don’t text too quickly so you don’t seem desperate (what if you are?), and keep your cards close to your chest (terrible advice if you want to make genuine connections).

Rules are meant to be broken — sometimes. But some rules can help you navigate the early stages of a relationship when everything is a blur. The honeymoon phase has to end sometime, and you need to know where you stand when that happens.

How long is the honeymoon phase supposed to last, anyway? Many would argue it’s around three months. Hence, the 3-month rule.

Once you learn about the 3-month rule, dating may never be the same for you. It’s time to find the person you love — not just because he takes you on incredible dates where you laugh until it hurts but because you’re equally willing to grin and bear it when he chews with his mouth open. Again.

What is the 3-month rule?

The 3-month rule serves as a guideline for evaluating a budding relationship. It suggests that you should assess your feelings and experiences after three months of dating to determine if you want to take the next step — whether that means making the relationship official, continuing to date casually, or going your separate ways. 

This timeframe is ideal because it allows you to move past the intense emotions of the honeymoon phase and start seeing your partner’s true personality, habits, and compatibility with your lifestyle and values. Essentially, it’s a checkpoint to help you decide if the relationship is worth pursuing or if it’s time to call it quits.

How to apply the 3-month rule to dating?

The 3-month mark in a relationship is when most people would figure out where things are heading. Still, we all move at our own pace, which is why this “rule” is more of a helpful framework. Let’s explore how you can apply it to turn your extended situationship into a bona fide relationship.

Know what you want out of a relationship

What would you like to gain from this relationship? The answer could be anything — a date for your high school reunion? A husband to keep you polished during your golden years? Understanding your expectations will help you realize when you’re dating a partner who aligns with them.

Set your nonnegotiables

We all want certain things out of our relationship, but relationships are built on compromise. So, what are you unwilling to compromise? It could be anything from future goals to lifestyle choices to fetishes; your dealbreakers are up to you. Just figure out what they are before you get into a relationship, or you’ll end up with someone who’s keen on footjobs while you can barely stomach the smell of his grippers.

Get to know the person you’re dating

At first, dating feels like the sun is always shining, and you have butterflies in your stomach. Unfortunately, dopamine hits aren’t enough; make sure you actually get to know the guy behind those steely blue eyes. Engage in meaningful conversations about what he loves and maybe even get to know his friends and family to see how he treats the people he’s closest to.

Check in with your feelings

Pay attention to how you feel during those first three months. Are you excited to spend time with him? And are you excited about him — or just the way he makes you feel? Perhaps you’re just going through the motions because you’d rather not be alone. Emotional responses are always meaningful, especially when considering compatibility with your potential partner.

Reflect on the time you’ve spent together

If your time together feels one-sided (in either direction), or there’s been little effort to connect, there likely isn’t enough mutual investment to keep the fire going. Despite how quickly the time seems to fly, you should feel like you’ve made memories and started building a long-lasting connection with this person after three months.

Communicate

As you approach the 3-month mark, have an open conversation with your partner about your relationship. Discuss your feelings, expectations, and concerns for the future. Honest communication is crucial for understanding each other’s perspectives. And if you can’t communicate openly with your partner, he probably isn’t ready for a real relationship. 

Make your decision

Now that you’ve done some soul-searching and evaluated your connection, it’s time to decide. It doesn’t have to be all black and white, either. You’re free to continue casually dating if that’s what you land on. Whatever you decide, trust your instincts and remember that you can always change course. It’s your life and your relationship.

Benefits and disadvantages of the 3-month rule

The 3-month rule can be an excellent litmus for gauging a relationship’s long-term potential. But it’s not without its drawbacks, which are worth mentioning before you take the rule as gospel.

Pros

On the positive side, it gives a budding relationship much-needed structure and a set timeline. This is great for people who can’t make up their minds, but it’s just as helpful for those who are too quick to judge and leave relationships before they’re given a fighting chance. The rule also encourages open and honest communication; you’ll need to have a heart-to-heart at the 3-month mark to see where things are heading.

Cons

Relationships are not one-size-fits-all, so a strict timeline won’t always make sense. Some couples might use this rule only to find that it puts unnecessary pressure on the relationship. And every partnership develops at its own pace. We all know at least one couple that dove head-first into the deep end after two weeks and never looked back. But we’ve also all seen relationships that drag on for literal years completely undefined, much to the frustration of one or both parties.

Ultimately, there’s no harm in trying it if you’re hesitant to make decisions while dating. But, like most things, take what works for you and leave the rest.

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Recommendations for getting through the 3-month mark in a relationship

Now for the tricky bit: How do you get someone to stick around for three months? A genuine connection can feel rare nowadays, and many people make snap judgments before getting to know someone. Here’s how to give your relationship a fighting chance to make it through that 90-day threshold.

Keep an open mind

Embrace the journey, including the parts you can’t control. Another person is involved, life happens, and feelings are oh-so-transient. In the words of gay guru and drag icon extraordinaire Monét X Change, “Life be lifin’.” So roll with it!

Again, COMMUNICATE

Communication should always be a priority; healthy relationships don’t exist without it. Regularly check in with your partner to assess how you feel and what you want out of the relationship.

Spend quality time together

This seems obvious, but spend quality time with your partner! We recommend making a concerted effort to do activities together, even ones that your partner likes but seem foreign to you. This can strengthen bonds and help you get to know your partner’s hobbies — two things that deepen intimacy.

Journal your thoughts

Journaling is an underrated way to clarify feelings and guide decision-making. You can use your journal as a reference when trying to decipher how you really feel about the relationship.

Variants to the 3-month rule

Truthfully, the most essential aspect of casual dating and serious relationships alike is to listen to your heart — as corny and played out as that may sound. The 3-month rule is just a suggestion, after all.

Trusting yourself will keep you safe, so don’t ignore signs suggesting you should continue or end things. Your gut provides a good indicator of when something is either right or wrong. Still, it’s worth inspecting the veracity of your gut’s claims based on your prior relationship baggage or biases.

But sometimes, you just don’t need three months. There are universal signs that a relationship is healthy — and there are clear indicators that it is quite the opposite.

Is this new love? Or just infatuation

You don’t need to be in love with someone after three months for the relationship to be worthwhile. However, three months should be enough to know how you feel about your new boo — or at least whether you see a future with them.

Relationships don’t come with a handbook. It’s always best to focus on what you can control and let logic assist you through moments of love and lust. Never forget that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself, dearest hunties.

Horny for a honeymoon phase of your own? Find a boyfriend or fiery new flame on Grindr. Download the Grindr app today, and you may find that your 3-month dating journey starts today.