Two Tops, One Dream: Celebrating Eiffel Tower Day

Today, March 31st, is officially Eiffel Tower Day. While Parisians use this day to celebrate the anniversary of the monument's construction, many queers celebrate the day a little bit more actively, if you catch my drift.

In case you’ve been stuck in outer space for the past decade, the Eiffel Tower is a threesome position where one lucky bottom gets plowed from behind while simultaneously blowing the person in front of them. The two “tops” then meet with their hands in the middle, over the bent-over bottom, mainly for comedic effect. When the hands are met in the middle, it creates a triangle that (vaguely) looks like the Eiffel Tower.

I have been in every position of the Eiffel Tower, and I prefer to be smack dab in the middle. It’s fantastic. Orgasmic. Empowering while simultaneously slightly degrading (in a hot way). But it wasn’t the first time I had an Eiffel Tower or a threesome with two other men, more broadly. I was a jealous, insecure mess. (I was a baby queer, barely 24 years old. I knew so little!) 

Here’s the thing about threesomes: Everyone thinks it’s their fantasy being fulfilled, and unless you’ve made that abundantly clear, wires get crossed, someone feels left out, and/or a partner gets jealous.

But, my sweet angel baby queers (or recently emerging sex-positive horndogs), it doesn’t have to be a crummy first experience. You just have to do two things. The first is to communicate (and I know this word is nebulous and overused by Instagram therapists, so I will break down what communication looks like momentarily). The second is to read the room. 

Let’s start with communication. Especially if you’re new to threesomes, there shouldn’t be anything unplanned. (Spontaneity can come later, when you’re more experienced.) You should know who is topping, bottoming, sucking, spanking, flipping, etc. Luckily, you can convey this simply on Grindr, messaging, “I'm a bottom looking for two tops to Eiffel Tower me,” or “My partner and I are both vers and love to flip. We’re looking for another vers dude who’d be down to flip.” 

One of the things I love about Grindr is that you can be so direct in a way that potentially feels uncomfortable IRL. It’s often considered “aggressive” to ask a dude you just met if he’s trying to get plowed (depending on the venue), but on Grindr, that can be one of the first things you ask.

Now, if you’ve found a third (or you’re a guest celebrity for some lucky couple), in addition to communicating what you want to do, also communicate what you don’t want to do (i.e., boundaries). Get into the nitty-gritty. “I love it when you spit in my mouth, but I don’t like my hair pulled.” “I like being called a slut but not a faggot.” Things along those lines. 

If you’re indifferent to someone’s desire, be honest yet open. “I’m not the biggest fan of piss, but if you both are, I’d be turned on seeing how turned on you guys get.” (Obviously, don’t say this unless it’s true.) 

Moving on to reading the room. Especially when you’re a couple who’s been fucking each other for a while, you can get really excited about someone new. That’s expected and should be celebrated, but don’t forget about your primary partner—solely focusing on this hot, new third. Otherwise, there’s a decent chance they’ll get jealous or pissed off. 

Similarly, if you’re the third and find yourself more attracted to one of the people, you should still give all parties roughly equal attention. Please note I said, “roughly equal attention.” I get it. It’s impossible to be 50-50, and if you’re overly concerned about being “equal,” you likely won’t be able to get out of your head and enjoy the experience. I guess all I’m saying is—do your best to ensure no one feels undesired. (And if you’re only into one of the guys and not the other, for the love of God, don’t agree to a threesome!)   

Lastly, I’ll add a little bonus reminder: Remember, you can stop having sex at any time. I know people always say this, and it’s much harder in the moment to stop, but here’s where having a canned response is helpful. My go-to is, “Hey guys, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. Mind if we pause for a second and grab some water?” Then, once you three have “paused,” it’s much easier to call it off completely. “I’m sorry, guys, I’m just not feeling it. I’m going to have to call it.” Sure, they may be disappointed, but they will live. I promise you, it’s so much better to pump the breaks than to continue having sex when you’re not feeling it (for any reason). 

And remember, if you don’t feel it that one time, it doesn’t mean threesomes aren’t right for you (though it might). It may just mean something was off, and you can better address it before the next time you give a threesome a whirl.

Okay, last thing for real! While on Grindr, I’d not only use the threesome tag to indicate you’re looking for a threesome, but I’d also include it in your bio. And if you’re trying to be the slutty little bottom in the Eiffel Tower, state that, too. You will make two tops' dreams cum true!