We the Bottoms: Grindr’s Bill of Rights for Bottom Appreciation Day

Preamble

We the proud bottoms of the world, on this glorious Bottom Appreciation Day, do ordain and establish this Bottoms Bill of Rights. No longer shall we endure lackluster lays, desert-dry entries, or half-assed aftercare. It’s time to stand up and bend over for our inalienable rights in the bedroom. In short: treat thy bottom right.

We declare these truths to be absolutely self-evident: if you can’t handle the heat (or the occasional chocolate surprise), get out of our kitchens. The era of take-it-and-shut-up bottoms is over. The reign of the respected Bottom has begun.

These are our demands, etched in silicone for all tops to obey. Tops, you have been warned. Bottoms, rejoice and lube up — your Bill of Rights is here:

Article I: The Right to Bottom Without Shame

Section 1. Declaration of Bottom Sovereignty

All bottoms, irrespective of frequency, flair, or fetish, are hereby declared sovereign entities over their own bodies and sexual identities. Whether one bottoms nightly or annually, this right remains absolute.

Section 2. Anti-Shaming Mandate

No top shall engage in slut-shaming, kink-shaming, or “bottom fragility” (e.g., “You’re too loose” or “Why do you need so many pillows?”). Any derogatory commentary, side-eyes, or unsolicited “advice” shall constitute a misdemeanor of the highest degree.

Article II: The Right to Foreplay

Section 1. Foreplay is not optional—it is legally mandatory before any attempt at penetration. All tops must engage in substantial and enthusiastic pre-game activities to ensure the bottom is fully warmed up and begging for it.

Section 2. These forms of foreplay are not limited to:

• Analingus (Rimming): Face-first tongue service to the hole, performed with zeal and enthusiasm.
• Digital Penetration: Inserting well-lubed fingers (one, two, or hell, three if you know what you’re doing) to massage and stretch that hole.
• Oral and Physical Teasing: Suck whatever the bottom’s packing (because yes, bottoms can have dicks that need love too), nibble those nips, and kiss them on the mouth like you actually like them.
• Praises & Dirty Talk: Tell the bottom how hot their ass is, how much you’ve been dying to wreck them (or gently make love to them—dealer’s choice). A bottom should feel like a goddamn superstar before you even think about sticking it in.

Section 3. Punitive Measures: A top caught skipping or skimping on foreplay shall face swift consequences. Repeat offenders will be subject to mandatory remedial training (e.g., tongue exercises, fingering drills, and being edged for hours with no release to learn some damn patience). In short: No foreplay? No fucking way.

Article III: The Right to Lubrication

Section 1. Thou shalt not go in dry. Adequate lubrication is a fundamental right of every bottom, and using too little lube is hereby declared a heinous crime against bottom-kind.

Section 2. All tops are required to apply generous amounts of silicone lube to both the penetrative device (be it dick or toy) and the entrance of the bottom before penetration. And no, spit alone doesn’t count. If at any point the bottom so much as hints at dryness or discomfort, the top must immediately pause and re-lube the situation without rolling their eyes or making dumb comments like "but my dick’s already wet" (Pre-cum is cute but it ain’t lube, buddy).

Article IV: The Right to Paint DL Trade

Section 1. Every bottom has the full and unabridged right to "paint" any DL trade they encounter, free of shame or stigma. For purposes of this declaration, "paint" refers to the unintended transfer of a bottom’s bodily artistry (yes, we mean a bit of poop) onto the top’s cock or sheets during intercourse. "DL trade" denotes any top operating on the down-low—you know, those sneaky-link hookups with supposedly "straight" dudes who slide into your DMs at 2 AM.

Section 2. If a courageous bottom offers up their bussy, they shall not be blamed if that impromptu session produces fresh frosting on the top’s stick shift. In fact, such backdoor artistry is to be celebrated as a natural outcome of spontaneous fun. The top is required by law to either: (a) continue pounding unbothered like a champ or (b) graciously compliment the bottom’s creative expression (e.g., "Damn, baby, look at you makin' art out here") without any snide remarks.

Under no circumstances shall the top demean, lecture, or gossip about a bottom for "painting" him—violation of this will result in the top being branded a whiny little bitch unworthy of any future late-night booty calls.

Article V: The Right to Aftercare

Section 1. The duties of a top do not end at climax. Aftercare is mandatory. All tops must tend to their bottom’s needs immediately following any sexual encounter. A bottom is not a disposable cum receptacle to be used and abandoned; they’re your partner in fun and shall be treated with care and respect.

Section 2. Mandatory Aftercare Services: Upon completion, the top shall promptly provide the following to the bottom:

• Clean-Up Assistance: A warm, damp towel (bonus points if it's actually warm and not just the t-shirt you found on the floor) or appropriate wipes to clean off lube, sweat, and any other fun fluids.
• Cuddles & Comfort: Unless the bottom explicitly says “no cuddling, thanks,” the top is expected to cuddle, spoon, or otherwise physically comfort the bottom after the deed—they earned that right by getting their guts rearranged.
• Affirmations & Praise: Shower that bottom with compliments. Examples include but are not limited to: “You were amazing,” “Your ass felt incredible,” “Damn, you took that dick like a champ,” or the simple classic, “Thank you, that was awesome.” The bottom should end the session feeling like the sexual rockstar they are.
• Orgasm Equality Clause: If the bottom has not yet achieved orgasm, the top must address this imbalance forthwith. This can be via hand, mouth, toy, or any method the bottom prefers. Bottoms’ rights include the right to cum, period. The top doesn’t get to bust a nut and bounce while the bottom is left hard and dry.

Section 3. No Ghosting or Half-Assed Aftercare: Under no circumstances shall a top roll off, toss a paper towel at the bottom, and start getting dressed without providing the above aftercare (unless the bottom kicks you out—hey, sometimes a queen just wants you gone, and that’s her right).

Article VI: The Power Bottom Clause

Section 1. Bottom-in-Charge Rights: Any bottom, especially one identifying as a Power Bottom, retains the right to take control of the sexual proceedings at any given moment. When a power bottom speaks, the top shall listen. If the bottom says “slow down,” you slow the hell down. If they say “harder, deeper, to the left,” you adjust your aim like a good boy.

Section 2. Flip-the-Script Provision: A bottom reserves the right to flip the script at any time—meaning if they suddenly decide they want to ride into next Tuesday, that’s what’s gonna happen. The top shall offer no resistance.

Effective Date

The Bottoms' Bill of Rights is effective immediately, on this fine Bottom Appreciation Day. All tops are hereby on notice: obey these commandments or be prepared to face legal action.

In Witness Whereof, the undersigned bottoms (and versatiles in solidarity) have set their hand (and ass) to this decree. Bottoms of the world, unite.