What Is a Femboy? The Feminization Phenomenon

Crossdressers, drag queens, tomboys, oh my! There’s no shortage of gender-bending identities and expressions these days. But a new word — femboy — has entered the chat. Want to know more? Don’t worry, kitten; Daddy has you covered. Here’s an overview of this submissive and breedable subculture. 

What is a femboy?

To put it plainly, a femboy is exactly what it sounds like: a boy who’s feminine. In the same way that a weekend is the end of the week, a toothbrush is a brush for your teeth, and a blow job is a job that… OK, maybe not that one, but you get the point. A femboy is a person, typically a boy (or someone assigned male at birth), who regularly engages in feminine gender presentation. 

More specifically, modern femboys often take after the e-girl subculture that exploded in popularity in the late 2010s and early 2020s. Femboys may wear nail polish, makeup, thigh-high socks, dresses, skirts, or other accessories and clothing items traditionally associated with youth and femininity, but they don’t necessarily have to. There are plenty of ways to style traditionally “male” clothing in a feminine way, too.

Note that femboy is neither a gender identity nor a sexual orientation; it’s simply a form of gender presentation. It may sound like a subtle difference, but it matters. A femboy could be cisgender, nonbinary, transgender, gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, or a partridge in a pear tree.

In Japan, someone who identifies as a femboy might use the word otokonoko instead. Roseboy is another word people may use to describe feminine-presenting male-identified individuals. No matter who you’re talking to or where you are, always check in with the person to learn what specific language they identify with. 

Femboy’s origin: Where does the term come from?

Just as “queer” started out as a derogatory slur, “femboy” also has its roots in homophobia. The expression first started to crop up in the early 1990s alongside other derogatory language like sissy or wimp. Typically, these insults were hurled at effeminate men. Regardless of their gender identity, bullies (empowered by a rigidly gendered and homophobic culture) didn’t think they presented as sufficiently masculine. 

Of course, toxic masculinity is a hell of a drug, and things soon got a little more complicated. The moment the term gained popularity, femboys became the subject of (supposedly straight) men’s sexual fantasies and fetishes in online circles. You could write a thesis about the gender politics going on there.

Today, the word has neither negative nor positive connotation; it’s simply a description of something that is.

Femboy vs. trans

So, what distinguishes a femboy from a transgender person? A whole lot, actually.

“Femboy” is an outward gender presentation. “Transgender” refers to one’s internalized gender identity. Calling a trans woman a femboy can be deeply offensive; trans women are women, regardless of how they present themselves. Likewise, a trans man probably doesn’t want to be called feminine. And a cisgender man’s gender presentation might seem effeminate, but that doesn’t automatically mean he’s trans.

If a self-identified guy wears pleated skirts and cat ears daily, he is just as much a man as the burliest bear. The same goes for a trans man who still understands the wonders of a good concealer. And if a trans woman wears cargo shorts and wouldn’t be caught dead in makeup, she’s still 100% woman.

 Again, if you’re ever in doubt about someone’s preferred terms, just ask.

{{video-inline-cta}}

Femboy vs. crossdresser

Like being a femboy, crossdressing is an act of gender expression — not a sexual or gender identity. Whereas femboys often act or feel feminine but may or may not wear clothes associated with the opposite gender, that’s pretty much the whole deal for crossdressers.

People can crossdress for many reasons: It makes them happy, creates a sense of safety, or lets them express themselves fully and creatively. Others crossdress because it provides sexual satisfaction. Sometimes, it’s a mix. All are valid reasons.

Femboy flag

Femboys who want to express themselves without doing their makeup can wave the femboy flag long and proud. Although there isn’t an “official” femboy flag, the most popular iteration first appeared in 2017. The flag consists of seven horizontal stripes of equal size.

A blue stripe in the middle represents “boyishness” or femboys’ masculinity as their central identity. Two shades of pink frame the upper and lower edges of the flag , symbolizing a femboy’s external femininity. The white stripes between the blue and pink represent trans and nonbinary individuals who may also identify as femboys. 

Am I a femboy?

If you’ve read all of this and found yourself femboy-curious, congrats on learning something about yourself!  Of course, the only way to be a femboy is to identify as such; no one can make you a femboy without your permission (although you wouldn’t be the first guy with a forced feminization kink, either).

From makeup to clothing to hobbies and interests, femboy culture has numerous aspects. Want to try it? Here’s how to be a femboy:

Femboy behavior 

Whereas crossdressing is mostly about wearing clothing associated with the opposite gender, being a femboy is often about embodying femininity in all areas of one’s life. Femboys may alter the tone, pitch, and cadence of their voice to mimic a more feminine manner of speaking. They might also appear more demure and reserved or adopt feminine mannerisms. Some femboys even change their behavior, emphasizing more traditionally feminine characteristics like being sweet, sensitive, or nurturing. 

Of course, none of these traits are inherently feminine. They’re only denoted as such because of the patriarchy (but you’ll never guess what we’re all living under!). Everyone should feel free to act however they like, so long as they aren’t causing any harm. 

Femboy aesthetics

Looks aren’t everything, but they are something. Fortunately, you can enhance your aesthetic to fully embody the femboy ethos. Clothes, makeup, hairstyle — all are opportunities for you to go full femboy. Here are a few options for each category:

• Hairstyle: Femboys don’t need long hair, but many choose to grow out their hair to express their femininity. Long hair is easier to style in more traditionally feminine ways, with curls, pigtails, or braids. Of course, short-haired femboys can still get in on the fun and style their hair with headbands, clips, and other hair accessories. 
• Makeup: Whether they do a full beat or just a touch of highlighter and mascara, femboys have countless options to channel their inner makeup artist. Some femboys will play around with blush or a little eyeshadow and lipstick, while others go all in and wear fake lashes and body glitter. It’s up to you; just don’t be afraid to have a little (or a lot of) fun with it. 
• Accessories: Ribbons, chokers, earrings — when it comes to accessorizing like a femboy, the sky’s the limit. While some femboys will throw on a couple of rings and a necklace and call it a day, others sport the infamous cat ears and thigh-highs. Accessories are a fun and flirty way for femboys to express their most feminine selves. 
• Clothing: Clothes are the most obvious avenue of self-expression for femboys. Dresses, skirts, and crop tops are all part of the femboy aesthetic, but it can be subtler than that, too. Some femboys wear coquettish sweaters and baggy jeans, while others go all the way with fishnets, pleated skirts, and whale-tail undies. At the end of the day, the best femboy style is whatever you feel most confident and comfortable wearing.

Grindr: Your local femboy finder

Whether you’re a femboy or not, everyone deserves to feel safe, confident, and happy expressing themselves. Femboy, tomboy, power bottom, Daddy, Dom — we all want the same thing: to live our lives freely and with pride. 

So, if you come across femboy hate out in the wild, call it out! Stand up for femboys and make sure they know they’re welcome and safe around you. We’re all responsible for protecting safe spaces for those who need them most. 

If you’re interested in meeting local femboys, save yourself a trip to Hooters and try Grindr. Femboys are free to show off their fembest attributes on the Grindr app.