When Madonna dropped Confessions on a Dance Floor in November 2005, she gave us an instant queer classic that would prove enduring and influential. Listen to Dua Lipa's excellent new album Future Nostalgia, which includes several tracks produced by Madonna's Confessions collaborator Stuart Price, and you'll hear glittering fragments of its discofied DNA.

Trailed by the huge, Abba-sampling single “Hung Up,” Confessions on a Dance Floor sold 10 million copies worldwide and remains – to date, anyway – the last time that Madonna set pop music’s agenda instead of grappling to find her place in it. Here, 12 LGBTQ people from around the world choose their favorite Confessions banger and explain why it means so much to them.

HUNG UP

"I’d recently come out and moved to Poland for work. I didn’t know any other gay people in Warsaw so I used to take myself clubbing on a Saturday night, and "Hung Up" became such an anthem for me. It was such an anthem for everyone: in Warsaw people would down their drinks and flood to the dance floor when the intro kicked in.

"For people like me who'd grown up with Madonna in the '80s and now felt like we'd found ourselves, it was like she was giving us a new dance album just as we were hitting 30. And a bit later, when I got together with my first boyfriend, that album became our album and we played it over and over. We split up five years ago but we’re still in touch and that album still has so much resonance for me, for him, and for us as exes." – Daniel, 45, Warsaw

Get Together

"It’s been my favorite since I first heard the album as a kid; nine-year-old me probably just thought it was an exquisite banger. At the time I definitely didn’t understand that it resonated so strongly with me because of the feelings of longing and confusion it captures. For me, this song is about the adrenaline that comes with realizing that the fantasy of love and lust that can feel so out of reach for queer people isn't quite as out of reach as you think. Even when I listen to it now, I get that rush; it's the same rush I feel when I meet other queer people for the first time." – Ross, 24, Manchester

Sorry

"How many times have we been in the situation Madonna sings about in “Sorry?" Saying 'sorry' is very important, but so is not accepting a 'sorry' when you know the person doesn't mean it. And Madonna created a disco anthem to make us think about it while we're on the dance floor. It's impossible not to relate to lyrics like 'you’re not half the man you think you are,' which in my experience are screamed by gay men whenever they hear this song!

"But above all, it’s an empowering track and a very inclusive one – let’s not forget the number of languages she says 'sorry' in. Madonna didn’t want anybody to miss the message. I think another reason it speaks so loudly to the LGBTQ community is the brilliant remixes Madonna put out to promote it. It's especially exciting that she asked the Pet Shop Boys, queer pop icons in their own right, to put their spin on the song so Neil Tennant could duet with Madonna. Pure heaven!" – Agustín, younger than Madonna, Madrid

Future Lovers

“I love that after the album’s opening headrush, Madonna, who's always so studiously controlled, seems to regain her composure here. We’re instantly hooked by the unmistakable rubbery throb of the bassline – a glorious homage to Donna Summer’s "I Feel Love" that's not quite a sample – and then Madonna unveils this sort of quasi-spiritual life coach persona. The instructions she gives are oppressive, alluring, and reach serious levels of camp when she tells us to ‘forget your problems, administration, bills and loans.’

"I think it’s interesting that "Future Lovers" is the only track that [Madonna's Music and American Life collaborator) Mirwais produced on this album. It’s brittle, hard-edged, and thrilling; I guess in a way it never quite hits the exhilarating highs of the album’s classics, but I like how it’s self-possessed and elusive in its own way.” – Dylan, 33, Dublin

I Love New York

"Obviously “Hung Up” was the big hit but “I Love New York” lodged itself in me. It's the guitar chords, the house tempo, the fuck-you energy, even the petty Texas diss: 'Isn’t that where they golf?' During one live performance she replaced that line with 'and you can suck George Bush’s dick!' which was catnip for my budding political sensibility.

"But I think most important for me was the line 'other cities make me feel like a dork.' As a loud, lanky, and closeted teen whose love of Le Tigre and CSS confused the few distant friends I had, the idea that New York would erase my dorkdom was intoxicating. I couldn’t wait to visit and see if Madonna’s promise would come true. Gay men have long been drawn to New York and who better than Madonna to put that into a song?"– Mo, 28, New York

Let It Will Be

"The lyrics really deliver on the title of the album, and there's a magic dynamism to the production that was only enhanced on The Confessions Tour. Her performance of "Let It Will Be" was the highlight of the tour for me, and I still imagine her letting go on stage every time I hear the song.

"I think Confessions resonates with us so much because it's a Madonna album, and she's much more than a pop star to the queer community. She's an artist and activist who stood up for us in the '80s and '90s when no one else with her platform would. More specifically, the queer community has a deep relationship with dance music and disco, and Madonna understands that the best dance music is both an escape and a confession. This album captures that duality perfectly." – Abdi, the age Madonna was when she released "What it Feels Like for a Girl,” LA

Forbidden Love

"I used to listen to “Forbidden Love” on my sister’s pink iPod Mini as a 13-year-old boy and feel such a deep, secret longing and yearning. I knew at this point that I wasn’t straight, but I was still many, many years from accepting that fact. I wasn’t sad, though, when I listened to this song. There was a sense of excitement that one day I’d fully experience that 'forbidden love.' – Jackson, 28, Melbourne

Jump

"I think it’s the most pulsating track on the record: there’s an urgency to the production which is perfect alongside the lyrics telling us to just fucking go for it. My favorite part is the bridge: ‘I can make it alone, my sisters and me, my sisters and me.’ I see that as Madonna’s call for female empowerment: she's telling us it’s time to move on, follow her lead, and jump. And we all do. I still play it in my DJ sets!" – Lady Lloyd, 29, London

How High

"I just find this song really euphoric and the production is tremendous. And I think the lyrics have an amazing existential layering to them; it's Madonna thinking of a world after we're gone. Will we have made a difference? Will we matter? Was it all for nothing? These are all really powerful ideas for me." – Court, 37, Denver

Isaac

"The album's second half has connected more with me as I've got older and experienced all the heartbreaks and disappointments which Madonna sings about on the first half. My trio of favorite tracks are “Isaac," “Push,” and “Like It or Not” because those songs showcase someone who's earning back their self-respect and confidence to live life again. They're songs about seeking happiness again. I particularly enjoy “Isaac” because listening to it almost feels like a spiritual experience. It's an exploration of one’s definition of happiness amidst other emotions like misery and regret." – Mark, 30, Seattle

Push

"I really enjoy the melody and the Eastern vibes in this song, but I find the lyrics more powerful. I really connect to them because I believe that your partner isn’t just your lover or your best friend; if he deeply loves you, he'll make you feel more confident and help you to grow and become wiser and stronger.  Whenever I listen to this track, I feel grateful for people who've improved my life and made me the man I am today.

“I feel quite sad that Madonna’s love songs are kind of underrated; some people only seem to appreciate her for her dancing tunes. "Push" is a perfect example of how she can write a simple but beautifully touching romantic song.” – Many, 28, Paris

Like It or Not

“I like how the whole album can be perceived as a response to the American Life 'backlash,' and "Like It Or Not" comes right at the end. It’s quite jarring because it’s the only slow-ish song on the album and she’s essentially saying: 'Are you done dancing? Because I have something to say now.' It’s just really defiant – at the time she was only in her forties but already facing so much ageism, and this song is essentially her saying: ‘Fuck you, I’m going to keep what I’m doing.'

“It's very obvious Madonna wrote a lot of it herself because the lyrics are full of 'life is a paradox'-type lines. But in a way, that’s what I love about it. She’s not always the most eloquent songwriter but I think that’s what makes this song so sincere and so honest.” – Daniel, 29, Newcastle‍

ENTERTAINMENTBLOOP

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Everyone’s favorite season (after summer and awards) is finally back—it’s Drag Race Season! We had all fall to miss her, and frankly? We’re ready for Ru to bring back her girls. For Season 12, queer comedian and Drag Race superfan @MattRogerstho will be giving us a full recap of each week’s episode—in just 60 seconds. Press play above to see how he breaks down the charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent of the season premiere. Follow us on Instagram so you’ll never miss a Rucap.

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In a year of disco, Kylie shows the girls how it’s done.

BY: NICK LEVINE

Kylie Minogue has been providing the soundtrack to LGBTQ club nights, predrinks, and power walks since the late ‘80s, when she broke through with an infectious cover of “The Loco-Motion.” Since then, she’s established herself as an enduring icon with timeless pop moments including “Better the Devil You Know,” “Spinning Around,” “Can’t Get You Out of My Head,” “Love at First Sight,” and “Wow.”

Along the way she’s also proven herself to be a top-tier queer ally. When one country asked for the same-sex kisses to be cut from her joyous “All the Lovers” music video, Kylie flat out refused. She’s just dropped her 15th studio album Disco, an irresistible listen which definitely lives up to its title, so here’s a track-by-track guide to the latest Minogue opus.

MAGIC

Disco begins with a horn-fueled beauty which fully captures the headrush of falling in love: "It's crazy, I'm falling / I don't know what else to call it." From the off, it's obvious that Disco is going to provide some much-needed positivity and escapism at the end of a very testing year.

MISS A THING

There’s more than a dash of Daft Punk to Disco’s second track, which features glistening filter house beats, glitzy strings, and some subtle vocoder flourishes. The song’s carpe diem message is elegantly executed with a classic Kylie couplet: "Get that body up on the catwalk / Can't sleep through your life like a lapdog." Well, quite.

REAL GROOVE

This seductive funky strut would fit snugly onto Dua Lipa's Future Nostalgia album, but still feels quintessentially Kylie. When she observes that a romantic rival has "got that perfect body, but she ain't got the moves," it's as close as a Minogue would ever get to being combative.

MONDAY BLUES

Look, there's no getting around it: this Latin-influenced living for the weekend banger is cheesy. But if you can't enjoy some lovingly crafted cheese during a global pandemic, well, when can you? Kylie has been able to sell pop fromage since her early days working with the Stock Aitken Waterman hit-making team, and she commits fully to "Monday Blues" like the total pro that she is.

SUPERNOVA

All swirling strings and sticky vocoder hooks, "Supernova" is the sort of euphoric disco bop that makes even cleaning the kitchen feel exciting. Kylie really rises to the challenge with a gutsy and lusty performance that underlines what an underrated pop vocalist she is.

SAY SOMETHING

When it dropped in July, some fans complained that "Say Something" was too subdued to be the lead single from a Kylie album. They probably had a point, but there's no denying this cosmic disco bop is a real grower. It's a song which demonstrates Kylie's empathy and cleverness as a songwriter. When she sings "can we all be as one again?," it's a touching moment which chimes perfectly with these Covid times.  

LAST CHANCE

Sure, there's a certain melodic similarity to Abba's disco dazzler "Voulez Vous," but does it really matter? "Last Chance" is one of the album's most uptempo moments and features some prime Kylie lyrics: "Nights are for having fun / Summer's for loving / Sometimes we fall in love / All of a sudden." Seriously, Ms. Minogue just wrote your M.O. for Pride season 2021.

I LOVE IT

Like "Say Something," Kylie co-wrote this one with Richard "Biff" Stannard, who previously helped her fashion the classic Kylie bangers "Love at First Sight," "In Your Eyes," and "The One." "I Love It" isn't quite as sublime as that holy trinity, but its blissful disco shimmer comes pretty close.

WHERE DOES THE DJ GO?

Kylie namechecks "I Will Survive" on this one, which tells you everything you need to know. It's a full-throttle disco assault with sassy handclaps, Chic-style guitar parts, and a delirious chorus that she clearly relishes singing. But seriously, to quote La Minogue, "Where does the DJ go when the party's over tonight?" We have a feeling her old pals the Scissor Sisters might have the answer.

DANCE FLOOR DARLING

This utterly lovely album highlight has the album’s most glorious chorus and one of its cutest couplets: "Shake it on thе floor now / Like Studio 54 now." There’s also a campy spoken-word bit that harks back to Kylie’s Village People tribute “Your Disco Needs You” and a climactic tempo change that feels, well, a bit like a bosh of poppers.

UNSTOPPABLE

Disco sashays elegantly into electro-funk territory with this purposeful bop on which Kylie gets to show off her upper register. On an album filled with cute moments, this is surely one of the cutest.

CELEBRATE YOU

According to Kylie, "Celebrate You" is the first song she's ever written in the third person. It's essentially a platonic love letter to a fictional character named Mary, whom Kylie describes as "anyone and everyone needs reassurance" and also an Auntie "who's had a few too many [drinks]" at the pub. It’s warm, well-meaning and completely adorable: much like Kylie herself.

‍ENTERTAINMENTBLOOP REVIEW

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Comedian and Drag Race superfan @MattRogerstho serves us a full recap of this week’s episode—in just 60 seconds. Press play above to see how he breaks down the charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent of the Season 12 Finale.

Follow us on Instagram so you’ll never miss a Rucap.

In case you missed the previous Rucaps:

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‍Eartheater’s Phoenix has only just begun to rise.

Confronted with the cover shot for her latest album, Phoenix: Flames Are Dew Upon My Skin, the artist known as Eartheater’s response was one of terror. “When [photographer] Daniel Sannwald showed me that photo and said, ‘This needs to be the cover,’ I was terrified for a second—terrified of myself,” she says. “But if I’m not scaring myself, then what is the point?”

The cover image, in which molten sparks rain down from her towering posterior, is indeed striking. But the singer-songwriter’s initial reaction stemmed not from the composition itself, but the creative and personal stakes it represented. “From my perspective, [Phoenix] is the fruition of something that’s been growing in me my whole life,” she explains. “It’s been such a deeply satisfying release for me.”  

Originally from rural northeast Pennsylvania, Eartheater, born Alexandra Drewchin, has been a heat-seeking musical force on Brooklyn’s club circuit for a decade—first as frontwoman to psychedelia outfit Guardian Alien. As described by her, Drewchin’s solo-artist bona fides were long percolating, slow to fully crystalize—even after rechristening herself as Eartheater and releasing a string of LPs. “When I listen to that first album [now], I’m like, this is fucking cute. I’m charmed by it,” she says. “And then [2018’s] IRISIRI was, like, the number-one most chaotic Eartheater record. Which makes sense when I think about the tumult I was going through at the time. Big things needed to settle.”            

A major source of said tumult was the dissolution of her relationship—the ashes to the latest record’s titular “phoenix.” “I realized that, unfortunately, no matter how much you love someone or they love you, shit gets weird,” she says. “I needed to make space for me, and not let anyone try to control my creativity. But it was really painful...I have a master’s degree in long-term relationships.”

While previous works reflected a personal life on the brink of combustion, Phoenix, which dropped on Berlin-based label P-A-N this fall, is alight with unabashed hedonistic potential. “Being single and experiencing so many romances...I felt very free. I was exploring myself and having a lot of sex. That was when everything settled in this gorgeous way.”

Romantic love is only one strand in Drewchin’s densely woven vision board. While the current record may indulge in certain pop-musical and narrative tropes, these are exceptions proving the rule of Eartheater’s synoptic approach. “I like to make things that I can’t find,” she says. Her body of work is experimentalism writ large, an audiovisual refraction of the latter-day underground. Animated by her three-octave vocal range and transhuman presentation, Eartheater’s cyborgian plainsong can feel simultaneously ancient and futuristic.  

She attributes her high threshold for experimentation in part to growing up on a horse farm: “It was definitely bohemian. My parents are both from Europe...They were out to lunch in a lot of ways,” she says. “But I’m also really appreciative of the space and time I was afforded as a kid, to ride my horse in the woods, and be with the animals...Now I sound like the bohemian kook.” On the flip side, the isolation of farm life, not to mention being home-schooled until sophomore year, instilled in her a desire for more: “I remember being chronically lonely, for so many years. And just being so boy crazy...So much of my childhood was spent fantasizing, because I didn’t have a lot of stimuli.”

Upon moving to New York at just shy of 18, she wasted no time embracing a highly stimulating, albeit somewhat wayward existence. First came a brief tenure as a squatter in her then-absent dad’s temporarily vacated apartment: “I lived [there] for three months without him knowing. One day he walked in on me and another guy...He was totally furious.” Drewchin recalls. “I’ll never forget him yelling, ‘These fucking kids fucking!’ But the thing that infuriated him the most was that I had painted his whole apartment, including the floor, this Pepto Bismol pink.

Then, a stint as a dealer-cum-grifter: “I’d dated drug dealers in high school, so I knew where to get weed. I started selling at the art schools—to the point where I could get past the security guards,” she laughs. “I would even go into lectures, and raise my hand and start talking some absolute bullshit...Looking back, I’m like, Teenagers are very impaired.”

Cringey audacity and all, Drewchin owns her early naivety—reframing it as a creative asset: “When I look back, it’s humbling [laughs]...I was like primordial goo at that point,” she says. “But that’s the thing, I wasn’t exposed to many things. I’m just proud of myself for continuing to search and reach, and listen to that aesthetic barometer at the bottom of my intuition.”

Rather than be shunted to the past, Drewchin’s inner primordialism continues to manifest in the present: Recalling her deep-seated musical inspirations, Drewchin recalls “sitting on my trampoline, and tape-recording these mixtapes off of Top 40 radio: TLC, Lil’ Kim, t.A.T.u. We didn’t have Internet, so my understanding [of pop music] was through sound. Now, I’ll listen back to [my own music] and realize it’s an unconscious decoding of a t.A.T.u. song.”  

On the fan-favorite Phoenix track “Below The Clavicle,” Drewchin further collapses the past and present, subconscious and conscious:    

Stuck in the middle of my clavicle
I'm a clever girl
To keep my mouth shut
The meaning hasn't come up yet

Though a spiritual contrast to the final-boss image of the Phoenix, Drewchin’s former, inchoate self feels somehow just as formidable.

The critical afterglow from Phoenix, including her highest Pitchfork rating yet, suggests her hero's journey has just begun. But she hasn’t lost sight of her inner hustler. This winter she’ll drop two new videos, for “Volcano” and "Faith Consuming Hope" respectively.

Other 2021 ambitions include cultivating her mind/body connection outside music. Specifically, Drewchin has pondered doing quarantine workout video, and releasing it via a certain scintillating platform: “I’ve decided to make my own Eartheater calisthenics program—[I do these] moves that I’ve never seen anybody do,” she says. “I'm figuring out where to put it—because it’s going to be hot. It’s gonna be sexy. So I’m thinking…Do I put it on OnlyFans?”  

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‍A surprise ‘August’ in July.

BY: NICK LEVINE

This time around, the old Taylor isn't dead—she's just wrapped herself in a cozy cable knit cardigan and spent some time brooding in the woods. Swift's eighth album Folklore, which dropped Friday less than 24 hours after it was announced, is the Grammy-winning singer’s most subdued and, in many ways, most accomplished yet. It’s also, perhaps, less autobiographical than her past classics Red and 1989. “I found myself not only writing my own stories," Swift notes in a personal essay accompanying Folklore, "but also writing about or from the perspective of people I’ve never met, people I’ve known, or those I wish I hadn’t.”

It’s definitely a record that pairs well with bourbon and regret, and here’s our track-by-track review.  

THE 1

The mellow opener introduces us to Folklore’s indie-folk sound (produced mainly by The National’s Aaron Dessner) and Swift’s new, more ruminative songwriting. It’s basically a ‘what might have been’ song with Swift reminiscing about sipping rosé with an ex’s “chosen family”—not the last time this album will nod toward queerness. Did I gaze wistfully in the distance and think about past loves while a single tear ran down my cheek? Naturally.

CARDIGAN

The album's lead single isn't its best song—not by a long way—but its restrained electronica is seductive enough. Swift’s vocal cadence recalls Lana Del Rey and so do her lyrics, especially when she gets misty-eyed about watching the object of her affection "dancing in your Levi's, drunk under a streetlight." Still, the song’s classic Swift line is sure to be “you drew stars around my scars”—you can already get it on a pullover from her official store.

Last great american dynasty

Folklore glides into full-on bop territory with this brilliantly written song about Rebekah Harkness, an eccentric and grotesquely wealthy Rhode Island socialite who "filled the pool with champagne" and "blew through the money on the boys and the ballet." (That’s starting her own Manhattan-based ballet company, obviously.) Swift now owns Harkness’s beachside mansion, Holiday House in Watch Hill, R.I., and should be an executive producer if Ryan Murphy turns “The Last Great American Dynasty” into a miniseries starring Jessica Lange.

exile

Swift will win plenty of ‘cred’ for working with indie-folk heroes Bon Iver, but don't let that put you off their duet. On this slow-building beauty, she and Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon play former lovers reconnecting awkwardly and bitterly. "I can see you starin', honey, like he's just your understudy," Swift sings as he sizes up her new partner. The vocal overdubs at the climax are exquisite.

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My tears ricochet

Swift says this sad, languid ballad is about an “embittered tormentor showing up at the funeral of his fallen object of obsession." Both the melody and lyrics are excellent: when Swift sings "and if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?," it's a reminder of her gift for shady wordplay. The rumor that it’s about her former record label? I cannot confirm or deny.

mirrorball

Shimmering as its title suggests, "Mirrorball" is a tender character study of an insecure woman who doesn't show her own personality, but instead reflects what those around her want to see. "I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try," Swift sings, making her pitiable and relatable at the same time.  

seven

One of the album's most straightforward moments is also among its most resonant. Here, Swift looks back at a childhood friendship while acknowledging, elegantly, that growing up necessitates a loss of innocence. "Please picture me in the weeds," she sings yearningly. "Before I learned civility I used to scream ferociously, any time I wanted."

august

This lovely look-back at a summer romance has echoes of Sixpence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me,” which was the first song Swift ever learned to play on guitar. "August slipped away like a bottle of wine, ‘cause you were never mine," she sings with fond melancholy.’ It’s a totally enchanting moment.

This is me trying

Folklore hits a new peak—no mean feat, given the quality of what comes before—with this dazzling ballad about a woman trying to atone for past mistakes in a relationship. "I just wanted you to know that this is me trying," Swift sings regretfully, before adding a slightly desperate plea: "At least I'm trying." The counter-melody Swift brings in for that second line could be the album's most sublime moment.

Illicit affairs

Don’t be fooled by this song’s somewhat prim title, which sounds like it belongs on a tacky old romance novel. Swift’s “Illicit Affairs” is a sharply observed tale of adultery which features the impeccable couplet: "What started in beautiful rooms / Ends with meetings in parking lots."

Invisible string

Another stunning song on which Swift ponders the idea that she and Joe Alwyn—her British actor boyfriend—were meant to be together all along. The part where a British waitress tells Swift she looks like “an American singer" is priceless. The part where she makes peace with "the boys who broke my heart" is even better. When Swift sings "now I send their babies presents," your heart will melt—and Joe Jonas's ears will be burning.

Mad woman

All prickly percussion and ominous piano, this is probably Folklore's darkest track. According to Swift, it's the story of a “misfit widow getting gleeful revenge on the town that cast her out,” which means it might be another song inspired by Rebekah Harkness. Either way, there's no doubting its feminist message. When Swift sings "no one likes a mad woman—you made her like that," it's really patriarchal society that she's blaming.

Epiphany

This atmospheric ballad is notable for mentioning Swift's grandfather, who served in the Guadalcanal campaign during World War II. It's not a standout, but could probably soundtrack a 'patient clinging to life' montage on Grey's Anatomy.

betty

With its wistful harmonica intro, this is Folklore’s second track to wink at Sixpence None the Richer. More interestingly, it's the one LGBTQ fans are claiming as a queer love story. The lyrics don't make it explicitly clear—and even if they did, that wouldn't mean Swift was writing about herself, since Folklore has several character songs. But there's definitely something that feels queer about this tale of love, longing, and skateboarding past the girl you like's house. To be honest, it’s a shame Swift’s website isn’t also selling a “Betty” pullover.

PEACE

This contemplative number contains Folklore's second reference to the inherently queer idea of chosen family. It’s a ballad of romantic insecurity, essentially, on which Swift asks her partner if everything she could give him—even a child—would be enough “if I could never give you peace." Because dating a superstar ain't easy, you know.

HOAX

This contemplative number contains Folklore's second reference to the inherently queer idea of chosen family. It’s a ballad of romantic insecurity, essentially, on which Swift asks her partner if everything she could give him—even a child—would be enough “if I could nev”

ENTERTAINMENTBLOOP REVIEW

After a seven-year retreat from the high-concept pop which thrust her into international superstardom, Lady Gaga is returning to her roots and embracing the club bangers, other-worldly visuals, and all-round eccentricity that were once synonymous with the singer.

Following the country-tinged Joanne and Oscar-winning A Star is Born, Mother Monster has stormed right back onto the dance-floor with Chromatica, which is poised to become Germanotta’s first all-out pop release since 2013’s ARTPOP.

Fans have experienced a taste of what her sixth solo LP has to offer, with the release of immensely catchy lead-single Stupid Love, and high-energy Ariana Grande collaboration Rain on Me. But as we enter an exciting new phase in the pop chameleon’s career, now feels like an optimal time to reflect on what came before — and who better to dissect the discography of Lady Gaga than her most dedicated LGBTQ+ super-fans?

Below, six self-proclaimed Little Monsters look back on Stefani’s body of work, revealing what each album means to them, and indeed, Gaga herself.

The Fame Monster

The Fame Monster was the album that undoubtedly changed my life. As a 12 year-old closeted guy growing up in a traditional household, queer expression was something that wasn’t natural. Not only did this album catapult Gaga into international stardom, it also made me (and millions of other closeted teens) have a current icon to look towards. The music is an expression of pain and fear in relationships - emotions regularly felt by a young person in the LGBT community. Not only is it cathartic to listen to, but it gives new meaning to these sentiments. It waves a flag for anyone battling their own demons, with Gaga showing that these can in fact give you the best and most successful years of your life.  — Joe

Born This Way  

To say something was “life changing” is a huge statement, but I would say the album Born This Way is one of the few things in my life that I’m certain had that kind of an impact on me. I was 14 years-old when the first single “Born This Way” was released, and as a closeted teenager, to hear the lyrics “no matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgender life” on the radio was a once unimaginable thing. Lady Gaga has taken risks her entire career, but to be at the height of your career and release an album essentially for the LGBTQ+ community was one of the biggest risks of all, and it payed off greatly. Born This Way is a record that introduced me to life-long friends I met because of our shared love for her music, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today had I not been shown the possibility of acceptance for being different through Gaga and her music. - Daniele

Artpop

As a gay individual, I resonate with ARTPOP the most. Back in 2013, I was just 17, had recently come out to my family and friends, and it was the peak of when I started to really explore and try to find myself as an individual. To this day, ARTPOP is the soundtrack to that time for me and in my eyes, it is one of her most experimentally diverse albums that just oozes electronic dance pop. As Gaga experimented a lot with this album by combining art with pop, it is a true creative journey as we listen through the entire album, as if she is trialling various genres into one piece of work and this in itself is unique and rare.

The bold album cover, created by Jeff Koons, focuses solely on the purpose of the album and reveals the true nature of what the album allows us to feel – the expression of art in pop. I feel as though this was executed perfectly by Gaga and has allowed us to see how she has transformed her hurt to make it something both exquisite and aesthetic. — Rob      

Cheek to cheek

I swear I’m not being a snobby-poseur-bitch when I say this, but my favorite Gaga performance might be of her at Lincoln Center, wearing a red bodysuit and a “Moonstruck” Cher wig, belting her anatomy off to “Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down).” It’s electric. It’s melodramatic. It’s all of Gaga’s camp instincts fossilized in jazzy, big-band amber. The recording of it is a bonus track on “Cheek to Cheek,” which is an album that Little Monsters overlook for various reasons.

And I get it! No one is going to sniff poppers to “Nature Boy” or experience queer loner catharsis to Gaga’s take on a Cole Porter standard. But the album made a case to the world that she was a real-deal scholar of music. Up until then, a critic would say that Gaga’s work was pastiche: she was trying to write an ABBA/Madonna/Springsteen song and she was trying to look like Bowie. But “Cheek to Cheek” proved that she was never cobbling together references—Gaga was the reference. She fully became the lounge singer persona dangling off a crooner’s arm, snapping along to a trombonist or whatever. Not even your out-of-touch dad could poke holes in her talent after that, so the least we can do next time we’re at the club is rage to “Anything Goes.” — Bowen

Joanne

Joanne was the first Gaga era I experienced as an out gay man and so, it hit different. I loved BTW and Artpop but as a closeted teen, Gaga’s queer aesthetics made me publicly distance myself from her - irrationally fearful my inner Little Monster was exposing my secret. After coming out in 2016, my newly unfiltered self loved the raw edginess of ‘Perfect Illusion’ and sexuality of ‘Dancin' in Circles’. Early gay heartbreaks were soundtracked to ‘Million Reasons’ and ‘Diamond Heart’ while ‘Ayo’ was just fun!

Joanne gets a lot of heat for not having the club bangers of albums past and a Florence x Gaga collaboration not slaying was definitely odd, but it is Gaga's most cohesive album, consistently honest and beautiful open. Besides, if you haven’t strutted through an underground station, iced latte in hand, ‘John Wayne’ blasting through your ears, are you even gay?  — Tom

A Star Is Born

A Star Is Born propelled Lady Gaga from pop megastar to fully-fledged actress, and the soundtrack released alongside it came at an incredibly important time in her career. The record really captures Gaga’s powerhouse vocals during ballads like ‘Always Remember Us This Way’ and ‘I’ll Never Love Again’, while also dipping back into her classic pop sound with ‘Heal Me’. In my view, this album solidified Gaga as a multi-talented force in the industry, who before now, had largely written her off as a one-trick pony. — Joshua

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Everybody and their discreet neighbor thinks they give great head. And while I’m absolutely here for this sexual confidence, I’d be remiss not to say it’s a bit delusional. I mean, if everybody gives a good blowjob, then why have I received so many mediocre ones?

I say “mediocre” because I’ve never received a bad blowjob in my life. Have some been toothy? Sure. Have I wanted some to end but didn’t have the heart to tell them? Absolutely. But I wouldn’t consider any of these experiences bad. Just...not great.

Sex, like one’s preference in art, men, and White Claw flavor, is subjective. This is why it’s important we not perfect a single technique, but build an arsenal of diverse techniques that we can pull from and expertly adapt to each individual cock that flops in our faces.

To help formulate which techniques belong in this oral rolodex, I spoke with a urologist and some of the industry’s most talented cock-suckers.

DEAL WITH DRY MOUTH

Before we dive into technique, let’s address dryness, since there are few things worse than giving or receiving a blowjob from a rubbery mouth. Obviously, you can make sure you have a glass of water on the nightstand, but sometimes that’s just a temporary fix. Instead, try chewing gum, sucking on a sour candy, or gargling with a Xylitol-based mouthwash (like Biotene) to stimulate saliva production before venturing south.

LEAD WITH LUBE

Will saliva suffice? Sure, but lube is a real champ when your mouth is drier than a soda cracker. Lube decreases friction and enhances sensation, especially when you want to get your hands involved. If you hate the taste of lube (or dick, for that matter), flavored lubes are available in almost any conceivable flavor. I’m particularly fond of those by Wicked Sensual Care.

“Water-based lubes suck for oral because they dry out too quickly,” porn star, Dallas Steele, tells Grindr. “A silicone lube is much better and will last a good 10-15 minutes before you need to reapply.”

JUST THE TIP

“The head of the penis hosts the highest concentration of nerve endings, and the dorsal nerves (which run along the top of the shaft) provide heightened sensation to the whole organ,” ASTROGLIDE’s sexual health advisor and board-certified urologist, Dr. Joshua Gonzalez, MD, says. “On the underside of the shaft is a small fold of skin called the frenulum. This area is particularly sensitive in both circumcised and uncircumcised men.”

The coronal ridge, the rim of skin where the head meets the shaft of the penis, is also incredibly sensitive.

When giving head, Gonzales recommends you use techniques that employ light friction along the shaft while orally stimulating the head and frenulum. Doctor’s orders!

A QUICK STUDY

The characteristics of one’s cock should determine the technique. “Straight cocks and dicks that curve upward are easier to deepthroat in the 69 position, but with the others you’re going to have to find the good angle,” porn actor, Rocky Vallarta, says.

“When I first put someone’s dick in my mouth I try to get a feel for the way it is shaped. I will adjust my body to get it in my mouth at the right angle,” porn actor and creator, Seattle Dad (realmenfullbush on OnlyFans), says. “It really helps if you’ve seen your partner jerk off.  I always try to replicate their hand motions with my mouth.”

This same consideration should be used with circumcised or uncircumcised penises. “If you’re sucking a cut dick, get it wet! I mean really wet,” Vallarta says. “Don’t yank it either. Cut cocks don’t have that extra skin to slide, so unless your hands are slick, don’t tug it like it’s made of rubber.  Be sweet with it.”

If the penis isn’t circumcised, exercise caution when retracting the foreskin. Some prefer having the head of their penis exposed during oral sex, whereas for others, this exposure can be unbearably sensitive or painful. If they tense up, it’s likely they’re uncomfortable. But if they seem receptive, try dipping your tongue in the foreskin and gently roll it around the circumference of the head. Some even like to have their foreskin nibbled on.

It’s worth noting that some uncircumcised penises become significantly tighter when erect. Observe how careful they are when retracting their foreskin before doing it yourself. Or just ask.

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BE VERSATILE

Try being less goal-oriented with your blowjob and have some fun down there. “Make the blow job about exploration, not about making them cum,” writer and queer educator, James Rose, says. “Oftentimes people launch into blowjobs and go too hard too fast.”

“Change your tempo and angle every now and then to provide different sensations,” Seattle Dad says. “I also use my tongue a lot to play with the head while I’m sucking on the shaft.”

Switching things up can be as easy as applying varying pressures with your mouth. Stiffen then soften your lips. Go fast and then slow. Change the rhythm and switch up your positioning. Start on your knees and make eye contact. Then flip around so they can get a glimpse of your glorious ass. Next, try coming at it from the side while you’re sitting next to them. You’ll find some of these positions are more comfortable for you as well.

While all this versatility is great—it stops when they’re nearing climax. When they give you the warning or courtesy tap, keep doing what you’re doing.

Be sure to get your hands in on the action. Most of my sources agreed that the twist is the best method to incorporate during a blowjob, starting from the tip of the cock down to the base, using the motion you do when opening a jar.

If they’re into it, stimulate the b-hole as well by massaging along the perineum (the swath of skin between the balls and hole), and rubbing or fingering the hole. Vibrating toys can be of great assistance here as well. Try using them on more sensitive parts of the penis when your jaw needs a break.

PLAY BALL

Since testicles are quite sensitive, some gentle massaging, tugging, tonguing or tossing them in your mouth can work wonders.

“Making a human cock ring around the balls with a slight pull can feel amazing. It makes the shaft protrude as your slobbering on that pole,” Steele says. “Incorporating your hands is important since mouths cannot deliver significant pressure on the shaft. Alternate your technique by squeezing firmly and switching to a light touch with your fingers.”

But ball play isn’t for everyone. Gonzalez says that some men hold more tension in their pelvis, which can make the area more or less sensitive. “Ball play is sorta like getting tickled,” he says. “Some people can handle it and some can't.”

DEEPTHROAT

Vallarta’s deep-throating strategy is simple: open your mouth as wide as you can, work your way down the shaft, and wrap your lips around the base. This will prevent your teeth from making contact with the shaft and helps prevent gagging.

“Deepthroating is an art,” he says. “It’s important that you first find the right angle to slide it down your throat instead of trying to force it. That’ll just hurt him.”

Prone to gagging? “Squeeze your thumb into your palm,” Rose recommends. “I don't know why, but this eliminates the gag reflex for me. I also love being upside down on the bed while he's standing. This position helps the saliva flow and takes care of most of the gag reflex. They can also play around with you because your whole body is in front of them.”

If this trick doesn’t work, no biggie. Gagging is an inevitable part of deepthroating. It’s a compliment to your dedication and makes the receiver feel like they’ve got the biggest cock in the world.

WIN-WIN

The best blowjobs are a mutually beneficial experience. The giver should be having as much fun as the receiver, which means the person receiving the blowjob has some responsibilities of their own.

“Give affirmations,” Rose says. “If you're the person sucking dick, you want to know that you're good at it. Tell them what you like, say what feels good, moan, tell us we're pretty, how good we feel, etc. Sucking dick can, for some, be a super submissive, delicate space so offering affirmations-a-plenty keeps us both happy.

Seattle Dad also loves a verbal blowjob and confesses that he’s a sucker (literally) for a man who grabs the back of his head while his mouth’s full.

Today’s lesson was a long one, students, but we’re just about finished. As you can see, there are many factors to consider when giving a blowjob, and hopefully these experts’ advice has proven helpful. What’s most important is that you have some fun, because it shows, and enthusiasm cannot be faked––at least not convincingly.

‍SEX + DATINGBLOOP                    

‍Trigger warning: The following content discusses sexual consent, rape and assault.

In my personal experience as a sex writer and educator, the majority of queer men (or men who have sex with men) I speak and consult with acknowledge that they’ve been a victim of some sort of non-consensual sexual circumstance. Because this hypersexual behavior is so common in our community, we have a tendency to shrug it off as a shared experience, and never really address the issue.

Thankfully, this is beginning to change—at least in terms of research. Raymond McKie, a Ph.D candidate at the University of Ottawa, recently published a first of its kind study that shines a light on the oft-ignored subject of sexual consent among gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men (GBM).

The study, published in The Journal of Sex Research, interviewed 350 men of diverse LGBTQ orientations and found that 78% of the sample reported “various issues” around consent negotiation, and worse, 64% described instances where “some form of unwanted sexual experience” occurred.

Objectively, this means that, while many men in the sample reported no issues at all, the majority of GBM don’t know how to negotiate consent—and that’s a huge problem.

As previous research has already concluded, gay and bisexual men are at higher risk of sexual assault than heterosexual men—experiencing issues at a similar rate to heterosexual women. But, because rape myths and masculinity/gender norms contribute to the false expectation that men should be able to defend themselves against rape, we can experience even more victim blaming after an assault.

According to McKie’s research, there are a number of factors that could possibly contribute to these concerning statistics, including stereotypes (namely, hypersexuality and concepts of masculinity), risk (navigating conversations around STI and HIV status), sexual positioning (the positional politics of what a top, bottom, vers should be), environment (the blurred lines of communication in bathhouses and other sex-positive spaces), the dismissive nature of casual sex, and drug involvement.

Of course, more research will be required before we can fully grasp the nuances of sex in our community. Until then, McKie and I discuss his research and offer suggestions on how consent can be effectively discussed and negotiated.

AIM FOR VERBAL CONSENT

Most people, regardless of sexual orientation, tend to rely on non-verbal cues of sexual consent to negotiate activity—these are things like eye gazing, touching and closeness. While this might be sufficient most of the time, non-verbal cues are subjective and their interpretation varies by individual. For instance, you can let someone grab your ass at a bar, but that doesn’t give them permission to fuck you.

“Talking verbally about sexual desires, wants and needs may seem less sexy than non-verbal communication, but talking it out will likely lead to better sex for both/all partners,” Mckie says, adding consent is ideally discussed when all parties are in a lucid state. Mckie makes sure to mention this point since drugs are fairly common among GBM, especially with regards to sex, which presents its own set of issues, as evidenced by Dustin, 53:

“One time I got offered some drugs and he sort of forced me to take some as well. I did take the drugs he gave me before having sex because of him. I am certainly not proud of this time and not knowing what the drug was, but I remember how terrible I felt for days after.”

EXAMINE YOUR MOTIVATIONS

Before committing to sex, look inward; why are you committing to sex right now? If your motivation to have sex is driven by desire—great! Get your fuck on.

But that’s not always the case. It’s not uncommon for GBM to have obligatory sex—which some in the study refer to as “mercy fucks”––these stem from a number of factors, be it an uneven power dynamic, fear of developing a reputation (i.e. a prude or tease), acts being taken further than anticipated, or being catfished.

“There have been a bunch of times I felt like it was hard to say no,” Jose, 29, says in the study. “I think there is a lot of pressure on gay men to be sex addicts, so it’s hard to justify not wanting sex. I’ve often started making out with a guy, but then it progressed beyond where I was comfortable with, and I felt obligated to continue things.”

Even though we would ideally feel comfortable revoking consent instead of obliging somebody else, many said they would divert this uncomfortable energy by pretending to be asleep, making it quick, lessening the sexual act (from anal to oral sex, for example), or intentionally turning the other person off.

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ESTABLISH CONSENT THROUGHOUT  

Consent is not only required when initiating a sexual encounter, it is necessary throughout the sexual experience. If somebody feels even slightly uncomfortable during sex, it is their right to express so and back out. We’re looking for enthusiastic consent, meaning everyone involved is personally enthusiastic about the sexual acts taking place.

If someone suddenly becomes quiet or there’s a shift in energy, check in with your partner(s) to make sure that they are still enjoying themselves, and remember that consent can be revoked at any time. This goes for after the sexual encounter as well: just because you had sex once does not mean that consent isn’t required the next time.

ANALYZE THE EXPERIENCE AFTERWARDS

If you’re not feeling particularly great after a hookup, look into why. Ask yourself: Was the experience enjoyable? What would you have changed? What could I have done to better communicate my needs? By evaluating the experience and examining our post-coital feels, you can better identify your needs and increase the likelihood of things going better next time.

“If you’re feeling unhappy about your experience, it is really important to know that this is (sadly) not uncommon and that many others have had similar experiences,” Mckie says, adding that regret often accompanies experiences that are not enthusiastically consensual. “I don’t believe in faulting oneself for a non-consensual or undesirable sexual encounter.”

THE RULES APPLY EVERYWHERE

Sexually driven public settings like bathhouses, cruising sites, and clubs with sex-permitted areas are not as common in heterosexual spaces as they are among queer ones. Because people often frequent these spaces for sex, navigating consent becomes even more complex (maybe “blurred” is the more effective term) but it shouldn’t be that way: your right to revoke (and/or establish) consent is no different.

Unfortunately, not everyone—including law enforcement—sees it that way. “Four guys at a bathhouse raped me, it is the last time I will ever go to [a bathhouse],” Nathan, 30, says in the study. “No one around me helped me and [they] just kind of ignored what was happening. I went to the police and they did nothing. One of them even asked me why I would go to a bathhouse if I didn’t want to have sex. I tried to explain that I did, but not non-consensually. They didn’t really understand and just told me they couldn’t do anything because alcohol was involved and I couldn’t give names. I left feeling really annoyed and ashamed of my sexual orientation and disgusted at what the gay world has become.”

Luis, 21, had a similarly traumatic experience. “I was having sex with this one guy I had my eyes on for a while and withdrew consent because I wasn’t feeling as ‘clean’ as I would have liked for anal play,” he says. “He continuously begged for consent and I kept saying no. Eventually, he told me to shut the fuck up and that I was a tease, he told me that you can’t forgo sex when you go to a bathhouse and told me that he was close to cumming but I was ruining the mood. I just lied back and let it happen until he was finished.”

CONTINUE TO EDUCATE YOURSELF

The reason consent is such an issue among GBM could be that we struggle with identity. In past research, McKie has theorized that many GBM regularly question their identity, seeking answers to things like, “What does it mean to be a gay or bi man?” and “how do I fit into that mold?”

These curiosities can lead some, certainly not all, individuals to rely on stereotypes of what a gay man should be, thus influencing their behaviour and views of the self. Similarly, masculinity and how one views their masculinity as it pertains to sex, can also further complicate our perceptions of identity, which further blurs our perceptions of consent.

“The more consent is talked about openly, the more likely the community can reduce the number of unwanted sexual experiences and increases the kinds of sex that they do want,” says McKie.

As you’ve likely gathered by now, sexual consent is complex and a non-hetero sexual orientation further compounds this already precarious subject. Thankfully, we’re talking about it now. Keep yourself educated, and remember to keep communicating.

‍SEX + DATINGBLOOP

HAPPY FRIGAY!

This week’s New Music Frigay playlist is brought to you by LA-based songwriter-producer-vocalist vōx (pronounced “wokes,” the Latin word for “voice”), who recently released her EP This Body. Here’s what she had to say about the project:

"I grew up in a small town with a family and community that didn't know how to express love for themselves or each other. At a young age, I latched onto religion as a way to feel purpose, something bigger than the world I was living in. Through this lens, my sexuality and nudity became warped, shameful, and taboo. What followed was years of sexual trauma and positions where I was meant to be kept small. At the very core of the vōx project is expression, freedom to love who I love, and divine power in my naked form. I’m not naked for anyone but myself. This Body is an exploration of this reclamation, a deep dive into why I’ve kept myself small, the consequences of my lineage, and how I can be worthy of the love I know I deserve."

Check out the playlist below and subscribe to our Spotify so you never miss a beat.

ENTERTAINMENTBLOOP New Music Friday    

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Watch as the Old Gays get into the holiday spirit.  

Happy Holidays!

As we’re feeling particularly festive this time of year, we wanted to show off the Old Gays as they unwrap their holiday packages (not those kind). Watch Bill, Jessay, Mick, and Robert get exactly what’s coming to them—amazing gifts and holiday cheer, duh.

🎁 EXCLUSIVE DISCOUNTS 🎁

Get 20% off and Free Shipping from MANSCAPED with code OLDGAYS: mnscpd.com/oldgays

Give the gift of a clean bottom with the 6 for $60 Holiday Fiber Bundle from Pure for Men: puremen.co/OLDGAYS

‍ENTERTAINMENTBLOOP

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Our Light through Darkness

Artist and curator LaQuann Dawson talks his collab with Impulse Group NYC and the importance of Black queer art.

If “It’s always darkest before the dawn,” then last year was pitch black.

2020 certainly felt like a collaboration between the darkest forces on our planet: racism, poverty, disinformation, and disease. While the entire world was battling a pandemic, activists fought to bring another deep-seated crisis to the forefront: police brutality and racial injustice. In the thick of all of this, the nonprofit Impulse Group partnered with Creative Director LaQuann Dawson to create an initiative entitled “Our Light Through Darkness” in celebration of Black queer art and visibility.

We spoke to LaQuann about the project, his inspirations, quarantine, and how he’s finding the light in 2021.

HI! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF?

Hello! My name is LaQuann Dawson. I am a photographer, filmmaker and a director from Ohio, now living in Brooklyn, NY. I am Black, I am Mexican, I am gay as f**k. Today, I am the creative director and curator of a beautiful anthology, Our Light Through Darkness in collaboration with Impulse Group NYC.

WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?

Physically, I am currently in Oaxaca, Mexico, tucked far away from the winter and people stacked on top of each other. I have a lot of editing to do and I disenjoy being cold equally as much as I dislike wearing a lot of clothes.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

I am on the beach drinking a margarita under the stars wearing the most breathable knit shorts I have ever owned and a necklace my kid sister gifted me. Mentally, I feel calm for the moment.

WHAT’S BEEN GETTING YOU THROUGH QUARANTINE?

Work and community have gotten me through this pandemic, really. At the very beginning of quarantine I couldn’t even be bothered because my head had been glued to Premiere Pro and Capture One working on documentaries, music videos, and photo edits. Time moves so quickly when I am creating. In the summer I was busy riding bikes and falling in love. Now, I am seeking peace and escape in a bigger, more difficult way. A way that is very much alone some days, but not too lonely. I’ve learned so much this past year about how and why and when I need space. Today, searching for those answers is what’s getting me through.

SO LET’S TALK OUR LIGHT THROUGH DARKNESS! CONGRATS ON THE PROJECT. TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT IT.

Thank you so much! I am so proud and excited for this project to finally be released! Impulse Group NYC reached out to me in February of 2020 to shoot a digital campaign celebrating the lives of NYC’s queer community. Impulse Group NYC is a non-profit sponsored by the AIDS Healthcare Foundation. The group was formed to engage, support, and connect gay men throughout New York City and New Jersey. Due to COVID-19, this digital campaign turned into a coffee table book with the same goal. Impulse envisioned this happening across a few days in the studio where I’d photograph members of the community to fit a number of themes. I thought this sounded great, but something was off. We were missing an opportunity to truly celebrate the community and their stories. I didn’t want to walk into this door alone and I knew of many talented artists who could make this book something really special.

I was introduced to the anthologies Brother to Brother by Essex Hemphill and In the Life by Joseph Beam when I first moved to NYC. Since then, I’ve found so many collections of work from Black and queer artists. Digestible bodies of work that I could revisit often. Colorful, vast works that were diverse in content because of the many voices included. I wanted our book to do that too. I’m not an expert on the queer experience, only my own, so I proposed Impulse Group NYC allow me to curate the book and invite the community in a much larger way. They said yes. Our Light Through Darkness is the result of that.

WHAT WAS YOUR PROCESS LIKE IN DIRECTING THIS BOOK?

Whew! The creation of this book took so much work, time, effort, vision and collaboration. I worked on everything from the initial moodboards, research and reference materials, I read so many interviews. I sought out advice from folks who have done this before, built the list of artists, sent the outreach emails, submission forms, cover design, hoodie design, the placement of every image and piece of writing in the book, the website, the introduction, making sure everyone involved got paid on time and so so so much more. So many hands went into every moving part of this book; it could not have been possible without collaboration. When I’d become overwhelmed and start to fall off, someone on the team picked up that slack and adjusted our expectations for that task. If any of us had an idea, we all figured out how to make it work or make it better. We kept each other on task. We made sure every decision was made intentionally. We changed our minds through meeting after meeting. We pushed deadlines back. The contributors, the entire Impulse team, Erika Oliver who did all of the graphic design, Courtney Creative PR who handled our press, my friends back home and my mom...the list goes on.

Directing this book has reminded me once again of the power collaboration has and what we can accomplish when we do work together and allow our ideas and our voices to be heard and lifted.

THIS PAST YEAR HAS SEEN MORE VISIBILITY AROUND THE DISPROPORTIONATE DISCRIMINATION BLACK QUEER PEOPLE FACE, ESPECIALLY BLACK TRANS WOMEN—IN WHAT WAYS DOES THIS PROJECT CONTINUE THAT MOMENTUM?

A lack of visibility has for years and years threatened to make small of my community. I continue to realize that since we do not see ourselves in every space, some of us have a difficult time believing in our existence. It is an illusion though, we are not small. This project is on attempt at building a space specifically for us to see ourselves without having to squint. I want this book to look like a mirror to the people who take up its very pages. I hope Picasso Moore, Miss Mojo, Dey Armbrister, Teacoa Rushton and the rest of the artists who inspire me see themselves represented honestly and on their terms. I hope people at home find themselves in this book too. I’ve found an awareness of self to be powerful as f**k. If we can all wield that power it is frightening what is possible for us.

HOW CAN PEOPLE SUPPORT THE PROJECT?

You all can support this book by going to ourlightthroughdarkness.com and order a copy. Post photos when you get your box, and share it with your friends. The proceeds go to Destination Tomorrow and G.L.I.T.S Inc., two NYC-based nonprofits working to provide resources and safety to Black / Brown TLGBQIA+.

KEEPING WITH THE TITLE, HOW DO YOU FIND “LIGHT” THESE DAYS?

I am following the sun wherever it wants me to go. I’ve found that sunlight specifically brings me a joy that nothing else has been able to. Working on Our Light Through Darkness during a pandemic where we couldn’t convene in the same way as before was quite healing. I had a reason to talk to my people, to leave my house and to bounce ideas off of one another. I have two amazing roommates who affirm me daily and protect me—that feels like light. Getting online each day and seeing so much love, support and energy from Black queer people in a time where we’ve been asked to slow down has brought me light. In the past year I’ve found 18 different definitions of light and I am chasing them all.

YOU ALSO WORK WITH MOBI, DIRECT AT RISK MAGAZINE, AND CO-HOST THE HIM PODCAST, HOW DO YOU FIT IT ALL IN?

With heavy eyes, a perpetual pain in my shoulder and an ambitious spirit. The groups you listed are made up of people who keep me warm, celebrated, booked and held. There are many things I want to accomplish for both my community and for myself. All of those things require work and time management. Moving to New York to be gay as f**k and make art has not been exactly easy. I’ve sacrificed many nights of sleep, many meals and some relationships. I’ve had some really rough moments that I’d like to say I’ve learned from. I know that this work is important to me and as exhausting as it can be, it brings me joy and purpose too. I’ve got to keep going so I can continue to grow, to reach people and to build a career that feels safe and full.

HAVE YOU USED GRINDR?

LOL of course! My first kiss came from Grindr. I was outed in college via a screenshot of my torso on my Grindr profile.  

WHAT’S YOUR PROFILE SAY?

My current profile says “photographer visiting - let’s work!” I came to Mexico to work in peace, solitude, curiosity and warmth just as much as I came here to relax.

WHAT’S YOUR MOST MEMORABLE GRINDR EXPERIENCE?

Toward the end of 2019, I had a conversation with a man on Grindr that turned into something very beautiful. Temporary, but beautiful still. Shamelessly, I am one of those guys on Grindr who will have a quick conversation and then disappear (aka ghost). I am someone who is big on protecting my emotional energy as well as my physical body and space. I don’t usually trust hookups or dates and sometimes I feel I might be wasting someone’s time or putting myself in danger, so I usually keep to myself. This man I was talking to had me grinning and laughing and blushing with every message. I was smiling so much into my phone that I felt like a damn 12 year old. I gave him my number: endless laughter and smiles still. I can be a pretty serious person so I love when someone can make me laugh.

Eventually I asked, “Ok so where are we going?”

We ended up at the movies (my favorite) to see Knives Out (highly recommend) and then had dinner and a drink. He was just as charming in person and so beautiful and smiling. I don’t know if at the time I realized it was a date because people don’t use the word “date” that much in my life, but it was one of the most pleasant first dates I’ve ever been on. I’ll never forget it.

WHAT ARE YOU “LOOKING” FOR?

I’m looking for safety, excitement and joy. I am looking for sunlight and laughter and places that are meant for me and my people. I am looking for freedom in every sense of the word. I want to build any of those things that cannot be found. I’m looking for people to build with.

HAVE A MESSAGE FOR GRINDR USERS?

Please be kind to one another, we are all looking for our people or person. Someone to make us smile, shout, cum, home. I know this seeking often feels so urgent and necessary. It is, but let’s allow each other grace, love and kindness in our search. Grindr has brought myself and many others some beautiful moments, but I have also witnessed violence in the name of “preference.”

I challenge us all to understand the root of our preferences, to learn who taught us what and who to like or respect. I challenge us to see what it looks like to unlearn preference, to remove hate from our bios and to be open to love.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO POST-QUARA?

The movies and the summer time. I love the summer and I love going to the movies and walking home at night. Once theaters open back up, I’m reserving a week's worth of movie tickets. I will watch literally anything.

ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO PLUG?

Y’all please scroll to the bottom of ourlightthroughdarkness.com and support the artists who made this book so special. In addition to buying the book, buy their prints and hoodies, hire them for projects, give them a follow and share their work. We bust our asses on this work and it deserves its day in the sun.

Thank you to Impulse for offering us this space and for allowing us to build it with you. This work is more important than you even know. Thank you Grindr for having me, I am so grateful.

“Our Light Through Darkness” is available for purchase here. All proceeds benefit Destination Tomorrow and G.L.I.T.S., Inc.

‍PROFILEBLOOP

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