The Ultimate Guide to Being a Great Guest at a Queer Wedding

Wedding season is upon us, and if you’ve ever wondered how to navigate the social waters of a queer wedding—or better yet, how to make sure you’re not that guest—this guide is for you. Grindr surveyed thousands of its users to gather the tea on what flies and what flops when it comes to queer weddings. From avoiding awkward questions to understanding the nuances of queer wedding traditions, we’ve got you covered.

The Don’ts: What Not to Say or Do

Don’t Play the Groom/Bride Guessing Game

It might seem innocent, but asking, “Who’s the groom?” and “Who’s the bride?” rank as the ultimate no-gos, with 54.9 percent of respondents marking it as the worst nuptial question. Let’s be mindful, alright?

Avoid Intrusive Relationship Questions

Curiosity is natural, but there’s a limit. Asking, “Who’s the top and who’s the bottom?” isn’t just rude; it’s also none of your business. With 29.8 percent of Grindr users placing this as a major faux pas, it’s clear that some things are better left unasked.

The Icks: Straight Folks, Take Notes

Weddings Are Not Spectacles

A queer wedding isn’t a novelty celebration. They should be treated the same as yours. The biggest ick? Straight people treating the ceremony like a spectacle. At least, that’s what 26 percent of respondents said, wishing that straight folks would just kick back and enjoy the moment. And for the love of all things sacred, no one needs to hear how “brave” you think queer weddings are.

Ditch the Heteronormativity

Comparing queer couples to straight ones? Not cute. It’s not a compliment to say, “You two are just like a regular couple!” or “Your relationship is so traditional!” Queer love doesn’t need to be validated by how closely it mirrors something else. Let us live.

The Dos: How to Be the Perfect Wedding Guest

Get Involved in the Fun

It’s a party, y’all, so now’s not the time to hold back. If we don’t see you on the dance floor, we’ll be taking notes…

Respect the Couple’s Wishes

When the couple asks for something—whether it’s sticking to a dress code, using the right pronouns, or honoring a unique tradition—your job is to follow suit (or dress). After all, it’s their day, not a choose-your-own-adventure. So, if the invitation says black tie, don’t show up in flip-flops.

Avoid These Phrases at All Costs

And then there are the things that just don’t need to be said. Here’s what Grindr users flagged as the biggest conversational landmines.

“How many of these guys have you hooked up with?”

It’s invasive, it’s cringy, and it’s got all the charm of an unsolicited LinkedIn message. Save everyone the discomfort and just… don’t.

Calling a Partner a “Friend” or “Roommate”

This isn’t a sitcom from the ’90s, m’kay? Our respondents suggest you drop the euphemisms and call it what it is. If you’re unsure, “partner” works just fine.

“I support your lifestyle.”

Being gay is not a lifestyle brand. 25.5 percent of users think this is one of the most patronizing phrases. We’re here to celebrate love, not seek approval.

Matchmaking? Think Again

Feeling like playing Cupid? Resist. 60.3 percent of respondents suggest you let love find its own way without your help. The wedding is about the couple in front of you, not the potential couples you’re dreaming up.

Gendered Traditions: Time for a Change?

Weddings aren’t a box to tick off. Grindr users know this, and they’re here to show that the only rule is to toss the rulebook. Here’s how they’re shaking things up.

Mix and Match — 51.8 percent of respondents prefer to pick and choose which traditions to follow, blending them to suit their preferences.

Go Gender-Neutral — 15.1 percent are all about adapting traditions to be more inclusive.

Complementary Yet Distinct — 44.6 percent of respondents favor outfits that complement each other without matching.

Individual Styles — 27.4 percent prefer expressing their unique identities through clothing choices.

Keep Your Original Names — 31.6 percent of respondents are all for keeping their own last names.

Hyphenate — 31.1 percent opt to hyphenate both last names, blending them in a way that feels right.

Music and Entertainment: Keeping It Queer

Interestingly, 59.4 percent of respondents don’t care too much about incorporating queer culture into the music and entertainment at their wedding. But for those who do, queer DJs, LGBTQ+ anthems, and drag performances are top choices.

For Straight Weddings: Inclusivity Matters

You call the shots—after all, it’s your wedding. But if inclusivity is on your radar, these minor tweaks could add a nice touch and earn you some extra queer street cred.

Attendants of Honor — 25.8 percent of respondents feel this term resonates most when replacing the traditional bridesmaids and groomsmen.

No ‘Gay Table’ Please — 85.2 percent of respondents say a firm no to segregating guests based on their sexual orientation (we hope this seems obvious).

And That’s a Wrap

Weddings, queer or otherwise, are really just about showing up, having a good time, and letting people celebrate the way they want. If you’ve picked up a few tips here, great. If not, just remember: smile, don’t ask weird questions, and play by the rules. Everything else? Just go with the flow.

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