Gay Sex Ed: Blowjobs
Everybody and their discreet neighbor thinks they give great head. And while I’m absolutely here for this sexual confidence, I’d be remiss not to say it’s a bit delusional. I mean, if everybody gives a good blowjob, then why have I received so many mediocre ones?
I say “mediocre” because I’ve never received a bad blowjob in my life. Have some been toothy? Sure. Have I wanted some to end but didn’t have the heart to tell them? Absolutely. But I wouldn’t consider any of these experiences bad. Just...not great.
Sex, like one’s preference in art, men, and White Claw flavor, is subjective. This is why it’s important we not perfect a single technique, but build an arsenal of diverse techniques that we can pull from and expertly adapt to each individual cock that flops in our faces.
To help formulate which techniques belong in this oral rolodex, I spoke with a urologist and some of the industry’s most talented cock-suckers.
DEAL WITH DRY MOUTH
Before we dive into technique, let’s address dryness, since there are few things worse than giving or receiving a blowjob from a rubbery mouth. Obviously, you can make sure you have a glass of water on the nightstand, but sometimes that’s just a temporary fix. Instead, try chewing gum, sucking on a sour candy, or gargling with a Xylitol-based mouthwash (like Biotene) to stimulate saliva production before venturing south.
LEAD WITH LUBE
Will saliva suffice? Sure, but lube is a real champ when your mouth is drier than a soda cracker. Lube decreases friction and enhances sensation, especially when you want to get your hands involved. If you hate the taste of lube (or dick, for that matter), flavored lubes are available in almost any conceivable flavor. I’m particularly fond of those by Wicked Sensual Care.
“Water-based lubes suck for oral because they dry out too quickly,” porn star, Dallas Steele, tells Grindr. “A silicone lube is much better and will last a good 10-15 minutes before you need to reapply.”
JUST THE TIP
“The head of the penis hosts the highest concentration of nerve endings, and the dorsal nerves (which run along the top of the shaft) provide heightened sensation to the whole organ,” ASTROGLIDE’s sexual health advisor and board-certified urologist, Dr. Joshua Gonzalez, MD, says. “On the underside of the shaft is a small fold of skin called the frenulum. This area is particularly sensitive in both circumcised and uncircumcised men.”
The coronal ridge, the rim of skin where the head meets the shaft of the penis, is also incredibly sensitive.
When giving head, Gonzales recommends you use techniques that employ light friction along the shaft while orally stimulating the head and frenulum. Doctor’s orders!
A QUICK STUDY
The characteristics of one’s cock should determine the technique. “Straight cocks and dicks that curve upward are easier to deepthroat in the 69 position, but with the others you’re going to have to find the good angle,” porn actor, Rocky Vallarta, says.
“When I first put someone’s dick in my mouth I try to get a feel for the way it is shaped. I will adjust my body to get it in my mouth at the right angle,” porn actor and creator, Seattle Dad (realmenfullbush on OnlyFans), says. “It really helps if you’ve seen your partner jerk off. I always try to replicate their hand motions with my mouth.”
This same consideration should be used with circumcised or uncircumcised penises. “If you’re sucking a cut dick, get it wet! I mean really wet,” Vallarta says. “Don’t yank it either. Cut cocks don’t have that extra skin to slide, so unless your hands are slick, don’t tug it like it’s made of rubber. Be sweet with it.”
If the penis isn’t circumcised, exercise caution when retracting the foreskin. Some prefer having the head of their penis exposed during oral sex, whereas for others, this exposure can be unbearably sensitive or painful. If they tense up, it’s likely they’re uncomfortable. But if they seem receptive, try dipping your tongue in the foreskin and gently roll it around the circumference of the head. Some even like to have their foreskin nibbled on.
It’s worth noting that some uncircumcised penises become significantly tighter when erect. Observe how careful they are when retracting their foreskin before doing it yourself. Or just ask.
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BE VERSATILE
Try being less goal-oriented with your blowjob and have some fun down there. “Make the blow job about exploration, not about making them cum,” writer and queer educator, James Rose, says. “Oftentimes people launch into blowjobs and go too hard too fast.”
“Change your tempo and angle every now and then to provide different sensations,” Seattle Dad says. “I also use my tongue a lot to play with the head while I’m sucking on the shaft.”
Switching things up can be as easy as applying varying pressures with your mouth. Stiffen then soften your lips. Go fast and then slow. Change the rhythm and switch up your positioning. Start on your knees and make eye contact. Then flip around so they can get a glimpse of your glorious ass. Next, try coming at it from the side while you’re sitting next to them. You’ll find some of these positions are more comfortable for you as well.
While all this versatility is great—it stops when they’re nearing climax. When they give you the warning or courtesy tap, keep doing what you’re doing.
Be sure to get your hands in on the action. Most of my sources agreed that the twist is the best method to incorporate during a blowjob, starting from the tip of the cock down to the base, using the motion you do when opening a jar.
If they’re into it, stimulate the b-hole as well by massaging along the perineum (the swath of skin between the balls and hole), and rubbing or fingering the hole. Vibrating toys can be of great assistance here as well. Try using them on more sensitive parts of the penis when your jaw needs a break.
PLAY BALL
Since testicles are quite sensitive, some gentle massaging, tugging, tonguing or tossing them in your mouth can work wonders.
“Making a human cock ring around the balls with a slight pull can feel amazing. It makes the shaft protrude as your slobbering on that pole,” Steele says. “Incorporating your hands is important since mouths cannot deliver significant pressure on the shaft. Alternate your technique by squeezing firmly and switching to a light touch with your fingers.”
But ball play isn’t for everyone. Gonzalez says that some men hold more tension in their pelvis, which can make the area more or less sensitive. “Ball play is sorta like getting tickled,” he says. “Some people can handle it and some can't.”
DEEPTHROAT
Vallarta’s deep-throating strategy is simple: open your mouth as wide as you can, work your way down the shaft, and wrap your lips around the base. This will prevent your teeth from making contact with the shaft and helps prevent gagging.
“Deepthroating is an art,” he says. “It’s important that you first find the right angle to slide it down your throat instead of trying to force it. That’ll just hurt him.”
Prone to gagging? “Squeeze your thumb into your palm,” Rose recommends. “I don't know why, but this eliminates the gag reflex for me. I also love being upside down on the bed while he's standing. This position helps the saliva flow and takes care of most of the gag reflex. They can also play around with you because your whole body is in front of them.”
If this trick doesn’t work, no biggie. Gagging is an inevitable part of deepthroating. It’s a compliment to your dedication and makes the receiver feel like they’ve got the biggest cock in the world.
WIN-WIN
The best blowjobs are a mutually beneficial experience. The giver should be having as much fun as the receiver, which means the person receiving the blowjob has some responsibilities of their own.
“Give affirmations,” Rose says. “If you're the person sucking dick, you want to know that you're good at it. Tell them what you like, say what feels good, moan, tell us we're pretty, how good we feel, etc. Sucking dick can, for some, be a super submissive, delicate space so offering affirmations-a-plenty keeps us both happy.
Seattle Dad also loves a verbal blowjob and confesses that he’s a sucker (literally) for a man who grabs the back of his head while his mouth’s full.
Today’s lesson was a long one, students, but we’re just about finished. As you can see, there are many factors to consider when giving a blowjob, and hopefully these experts’ advice has proven helpful. What’s most important is that you have some fun, because it shows, and enthusiasm cannot be faked––at least not convincingly.
