What Is DL’s Meaning in Gay Slang?

There are few things in the world more unfortunate than being forced to live your life pretending to be someone you’re not. Worse than being stood up. Worse than meeting up with someone and realizing they were catfishing — living a lie is just plain tragic. But that’s what being a gay man on the down-low is all about.

DL’s meaning in gay slang refers to gay and bisexual men who live their lives pretending to be straight, refusing to come out, or living in denial. Not to be dramatic, but pretending to be straight has got to be the only thing worse than actually being straight. (No offense, allies!) However, being on the DL is less of a choice and more of a necessity for many gay men.

Often, people who don’t feel safe coming out or living as their authentic selves will decide it’s easier for them to be down-low — whether that’s true or not. In reality, it often requires lots of sneaking around, looking for gay sex on the side, and participating in pretty unsatisfying relationships (sexual or otherwise). Here’s what you need to know about down-low’s meaning.

The origin of the term “down-low”

People have been living on the down-low for as long as there has been homophobia (and because there have always been idiots, that means… forever?). Unfortunately, anti-queer sentiments have likely always been a part of queer life, meaning there have always been gay people afraid or unable to live their lives authentically.

Although there have always been people on the DL, the term “down-low” is relatively new. It’s unclear when the expression was first coined, but it became more broadly known in the late ’90s, especially within the Black and African-American communities. As opposed to more widely used expressions like “closeted,” down-low was explicitly used to refer to gay and bisexual Black men who had sexual relationships with other men in secret.

Today, DL slang is used to describe anyone, regardless of race, ethnicity, sex, or gender, who keeps their sexuality a secret or lives in denial while having gay sex surreptitiously.

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On the Down Low — J.L. King’s book

Media attention around the DL lifestyle first arose in the early 2000s. In 2004, Oprah Winfrey had J.L. King on her show to discuss his life on the down-low. King had recently published the book On the Down Low: A Journey Into the Lives of “Straight” Black Men Who Sleep with Men, in which he discussed his own sexual experiences as a DL man. 

Although his book was widely well-received, its portrayal of the lives and experiences of other DL men also caused some controversy. Some said it contributed to a widespread perception that gay and bisexual men put women at risk of contracting HIV.

King himself claimed to be straight despite having sexual relationships with other men. He didn’t come out as a gay man until 2010.

One of the most significant responses came in the form of another book. Beyond the Down Low: Sex, Lies, and Denial in Black America, a collection of essays by Keith Boykin, offered an alternative look at what queer men on the down-low experience and also noted that it wasn’t just Black men who are DL; gay men of every race can be down-low or in denial. 

Boykin’s book was an essential examination of life on the DL and a necessary step to shed light on how difficult DL life can be. Boykin specifically asserts that widespread acceptance of queer people, especially gay people of color, would encourage men on the DL to be more comfortable being themselves.

DL’s meaning in texts and social media

Although being on the DL is often a tragic situation, that hasn’t stopped the internet from doing what it does best — making fun of stuff. TikTok, Instagram, X (formerly Twitter) — no matter what platform you choose, you’ll find yourself knee-deep in some unsavory DL sexual discourse. 

One of TikTok’s most popular trending sounds in 2023 was a clip of Wendy Williams yelling, “Denial is a river in Egypt. Your husband is gay!” The sound bite is from a clip of Williams on her radio show in 2006 talking to a caller who was afraid her husband was a DL gay man.

Williams herself has been on a long-time, often problematic, crusade against gay men on the down-low. In the ’90s and early 2000s, she frequently alluded to the sexual activities of DL men in the Black community, particularly rappers and other celebrities, potentially outing them publicly without their consent.

Live your life authentically

Although living on the DL may be funny in soundbites or internet memes, it’s no laughing matter in real life. It can have a severely adverse impact on one’s mental health. If you’ve been in that situation or know someone who is, remember that it’s possible to live with pride. 

If you’re looking for community or to find other gay guys living life authentically, Grindr is a great place to start. Download the Grindr app to find like-minded gay people in your area and live life out loud together.