A Unicorn’s Meaning, Sexually Speaking

Let’s be honest — unicorns are cool. No matter their pop culture associations, a magical horse with a giant horn sticking out of its head is awesome.

The first depiction of a unicorn is from the fifth century, meaning we’ve loved them for a long time, even though no one’s ever actually seen one. That’s why “unicorn” has come to refer to a rare find — something that might not even exist.

It’s no surprise, then, that unicorns have found their way into the dating world. A no-strings-attached hookup is hard enough to track down, but what about a casual “third” who will shake up your sex life without threatening your committed relationship? Now, that is a sexual fantasy on par with Pegasus.

So, do unicorns really exist? Can you have your boyfriend’s cake and eat a stranger’s, too? Let’s find out.

What is a unicorn in dating? 

Originally, “unicorn” referred to a bisexual woman who would join an opposite-sex couple as either a full-blown romantic partner or just for an occasional threesome.

The term was often used dismissively to point out the unrealistic expectations of polyamory-curious couples. Ask a dedicated polycule member, and they’ll tell you that countless monogamish couples are looking for a living, breathing sex toy who asks nothing in return. Not exactly ethical nonmonogamy, huh?

As time has gone on and dating and relationships have become more fluid, the term has expanded to encompass any “third” for a couple in a committed partnership. It’s a little different than a throuple (aka a triad), where all partners are on equal ground; when a unicorn is involved, they’re generally not part of the primary relationship structure.

Still, if everyone shares the same realistic expectations, there’s nothing wrong with some good, dirty fun.

Why do couples want a unicorn relationship?

The Academy Awards have a supporting actor category for a reason; sometimes, a guest star is just what you need to spice things up a bit. The same is true for couples in search of a unicorn. The relationship may not be missing something, but a fun, flirty third can be an excellent addition (as long as they don’t steal the whole show).

Some couples might be looking for a third for purely a threesome — and that’s perfectly fine, so long as everyone is on the same page. A threesome with a unicorn is, well… magical. Bringing someone else into the bedroom adds a fun, nonmonogamous twist that might help a couple discover new sides of themselves and their partners.

And the unicorn? They get a whole lot of attention. Who doesn’t love that?

Although a threesome is an excellent reason, other couples are looking for more than just a quick fuck. They may not be ready to become a full-blown throuple, but plenty of couples are interested in being with someone for more than just a night.

Enter the unicorn. Again, it’s a noble pursuit as long as everyone is on the same page about their intentions and expectations.

What is unicorn hunting?

Trolling. Cruising. There are countless words we use when we’re looking for sex. They don’t always make sense on the first pass, but in this case, they do. Unicorn hunting is when a couple is out on the prowl looking for a third to bring home. Or to the nearest hotel.

You know that “We saw you from across the bar, and we like your vibe” meme? Well, that’s pretty much unicorn hunting in a nutshell. However, thanks to the advent of online dating apps, not all unicorn hunters are hanging out in bars these days. A carefully crafted Grindr bio can be just as good, if not better, than unicorn hunting at a bar or club (or the gym — unicorns are seemingly always in season).

No matter where you’re hunting (or being hunted), just make sure you know when to take a hint. Although many people would jump at the chance to join a couple for a couple of hours, others might not be into it. Don’t be too pushy when it comes to finding your unicorn. It’s worth it to wait for someone who’s really excited to join.

Benefits of being a gay unicorn

Remember playing mermaids in the pool with all your friends when you were younger? (Or at least wishing all your friends would play mermaids with you?)

As an adult, you don’t need to wait for anyone else to pretend to be a magical creature. You can get out there and become one all on your own — although it’s a lot more fun when a couple of friends are involved.

The real fun of being a unicorn comes from getting together with a polyamorous couple that’s already figured out the basics. Whereas other relationship dynamics might take some time to figure out, couples looking for a unicorn relationship have (hopefully) talked about what they’re looking for, so you can skip past the “what are we doing here?” stuff and get to the good part.

For the nosy Nellies among us, it’s also fun to peek into other people’s relationship dynamics. It’s heartwarming (and cock-hardening) to see how different people are together. Maybe you’ll catch some residual affection yourself.

Speaking of fresh perspectives, you’ll have a chance to explore and learn about yourself, too. Maybe you’re just looking for fun, or maybe you want something more. Perhaps what you thought you were after will change once you join a couple already in progress. Either way, unicorning leaves ample opportunity to explore sexual fantasies in and outside of the bedroom.

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Common rules of unicorn polyamory

Like any other relationship, establishing a shared understanding of the boundaries and guidelines is the most essential step. Also, like any other relationship, these preferences vary from couple to couple (or throuple to throuple).

Everyone has different rules, so figure out what they are before getting involved. Here are a few standard rules you might want to check in on before becoming a full-fledged unicorn:

Couples only play together

One of the benefits of unicorn sex is that a threesome eases some of the pressure of opening a relationship, swinging, or being totally nonmonogamous. Many couples will only have sex with outside parties when they’re together, so make sure you establish that before you go off having sex with just one of them. Otherwise, these unicorn hunters might stuff you and mount you on their wall (and not in a hot way).

Couples are only looking for sex

It can be romantic to envision yourself joining the couple that picked you up from the bar and becoming a true triad one day. They have such a well-put-together life; how easy it is to envision slotting yourself into it.

To prevent your romantic comedy from becoming a romantic tragedy, you should check in on what they’re looking for before you let yourself get hurt. Most couples only want a threesome, so it’s not wise to get your hopes up.

Couples are only looking for a third

On the flip side, some nonmonogamous couples are unicorn hunting to become a throuple and hoping you’re the unicorn to help them do that. But maybe you aren’t interested in going on dinner dates and keeping a toothbrush in their medicine cabinet.

Ensure you understand the rules of engagement before they ask you to get engaged (way before that, actually). It’s not nice to lead people on, so don’t be that kind of unicorn.

Sex that’s the stuff of legends

And there you have it; everything you need to know about unicorns. How to be one, how to find one, and what to do once you’ve got one by the horn. Now get hunting on Grindr!

Whether you’re looking for a unicorn or a couple that will put you in a bridle and ride you all night, you’ll find them on your local grid. Download the Grindr app today.