Thank U, Next! How to Start Dating Again

Whether you were the dumper or dumpee, a breakup with someone you love is never easy — and moving on can feel even more challenging. But sometimes, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Or at least go on a nice date.

Easier said than done, we know, but that’s what we’re here for. Maybe you don’t feel totally ready, but you’ll never know unless you try. Time to get back on the grid and learn how to start dating again after a breakup.

Questions to ask yourself before you start dating again

OK, but what if you really aren’t ready for a new love affair? Let’s discuss.

Whether this is your first breakup or you’ve seen a hundred relationships end, you should always check in with yourself before you resume dating after a breakup. After all, it’s hardly fair to your potential date if you spend the whole night yapping about your ex while your dinner goes cold.

These questions should help you quiet the voices in your head and figure out how you really feel:

Am I ready to start dating again?

Maybe you just broke up with the love of your life. Maybe he was just someone you slept with a couple of times. Either way, a breakup is a breakup, and it can be hard to know how soon is too soon to start dating again. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer for how long it takes to get over someone, but if you’re still crying to that one Adele song, give it a couple more weeks. 

What do I want out of my next relationship?

You need to answer this question honestly before starting a new relationship. Maybe you just got out of a long-term relationship, and you’re ready to commit to another. Or maybe you just got out of a long-term relationship, and you just want to get dicked down by a stranger. We would never look down on some no-strings-attached sex, but you shouldn’t subject someone new to the unbearable awkwardness of a rebound relationship.

So, do some soul-searching. It will help you get back into dating without hurting anyone — including yourself. We love a self-aware king!

Why am I dating in the first place?

Because I want to find a husband. Because I want someone new to fall asleep with. Because I want to get over my ex. Because I want some nasty, kinky, spit-in-my-mouth sex.

These are all perfectly acceptable answers (especially the sex) so long as you’re honest with yourself and your potential partners about your intentions. This clarity will help you find the kind of person you’re looking for. 

What did I like about my last partner? 

We know, we know; thinking about your ex’s green flags is not a fun way to spend your time. But trust us, it’ll be helpful when you’re figuring out how to find love again. Dating is a skill like any other; past experience will tell you whether you’re heading in the right direction. Remember what worked so you know what to look out for. 

What didn’t work about my past relationship? 

If we’re asking you to remember the good times, we’re also giving you permission to focus on the bad times — as long as it’s for a good cause. Identify what didn’t work in past relationships, whether that’s specific traits your ex had or dynamics that didn’t work, so you can avoid repeating old patterns in new relationships.

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How to get back into dating

OK, so you peered into your soul with the above questions, and you liked what you saw. You’ve stopped listening to those sad Adele songs (for the most part), and you feel like you’re ready.

The next step in figuring out how to date is getting out there and meeting new people. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you embark on your romantic journey:

Give yourself closure on past relationships

Let’s be honest: Closure is a concept invented by people who want to keep talking to their exes forever and never actually move on after the relationship ends.

OK, maybe that’s a bit harsh, but it’s not not true. Closure looks different for everyone, so rather than trying to get it from someone else (like your ex), give yourself closure, send your ex some love and light, and move right on. 

Remember: You’re that bitch

It’s easy to get lost in a long-term relationship. It’s even easier to get lost in a breakup. If you’re suddenly single, you might struggle to remember what you love about yourself, but you have to gas yourself up. Whether that means writing yourself little inspirational notes, taking self-care days, or just putting on a hot outfit and going for a walk — never forget your own self-worth.

Take your time

Maybe you have the opposite of dating anxiety. Perhaps you’ve been frothing at the mouth, ready to hit the apps again like a little kid set free at a candy store. The excitement of dating feels great; just avoid giving in to the urge to stuff all that candy in your mouth at once. If Willy Wonka taught us anything, it’s that greedy boys often end up unpleasantly stretched out and suffering from a severe tummy ache. 

Get comfy with rejection 

A breakup can leave your emotions raw, but you gotta push through the pain. We know this isn’t what you want to hear, but rejection is part of life, babe. The more you go on first dates, the more opportunities you’ll have to hear “Thanks, but no thanks,” and that’s OK.

If you get better at taking no for an answer, your life will get easier on all fronts — especially when you realize rejection isn’t personal or a judgment of your worth.

Just do what you love

You won’t find a new boo if you’re sitting inside all day eating frozen cookie dough on the couch. Get back in touch with the person you were before your breakup by engaging in your favorite hobbies and activities.

If you’re doing things you love, you’re more likely to find other people who match your energy. They’ll see you enjoying your single life and say, “Hey, I want a piece of that action.”

Grease the wheels with Grindr

So, what are you waiting for? Brush off your best pickup lines, take a few new photos, update your Grindr bio, and find the lucky guy who’s gonna take you on a date. Your grid is a great place to test the waters and see who’s single and ready to mingle (or alone and ready to bone).

Whether you’re looking for The One or a one-night stand, the Grindr app will help you find him.