But before 2020—before pandemic and revolution and travel bans—this story starts with an app. Grindr, to be exact, in the fall of 2018.

OR: We lived in the same neighborhood, so we’d seen each other around on the app.
SHOEMAKER: But I was too nervous to say hi first.
OR: Yeah, so I did. And honestly, I led with, “I’m sorry, but your dog stole the show.”

And in dating-app fashion, a first date was immediately on the books.

SHOEMAKER: He had tickets to Disney on Ice because he designed the props in the show.
OR: And I gave him a boner during Aladdin’s scene.
SHOEMAKER: Are we allowed to say boner?
OR: You could say there was a magic lamp for rubbing.
SHOEMAKER: How about just, “It was a whole new world.”

One magic carpet ride later, the couple was engaged in March of 2020, just as the U.S. was preparing to read like a spec script of Contagion.

Prior to their first hellos and long before Miss Rona came knocking, Or and Shoemaker, both queer immigrants to the U.S., had each taken to Grindr during their time in New York to connect with what they both call “a safe community.” It was an easy way for them to make friends, get bar recommendations, and of course, the occasional hookup. “Grindr gave us spaces in which to be ourselves amongst like-minded folx,” says Or. “So then to find each other felt like being found. Being home.”

Little did they know, 2020 was about to put that notion of “home” to the test.

“It was twofold. First, we watched our friends and community in New York struggle day by day with how suffocating quarantine was,” says Shoemaker. “And then the travel bans and border closings happened, and we were suddenly cut-off from our families.” Or was born in Hong Kong, China and raised in Ontario, Canada; Shoemaker was born and raised in Chile, South America.

“With our wedding supposed to be around the corner, we didn’t know if this was even a time to be thinking about ourselves,” says Or. “So we made the decision, if we’re going digital, we’re going to use the platform to show the world something positive. Hope.”

Or and Shoemaker turned to TheHAU5, a Brooklyn production company for artistic collaboration, with a mission to create a backyard, virtual wedding free of prejudice, restrictions, and pandemic that absolutely anyone could attend. Between the grooms and TheHAU5’s Founder and Cultural Strategist, Alexander McMichael (whom Benny had also befriended on Grindr years prior), the three assembled a creative team of LGBTQ+/BIPOC New York artists just as intent on combating COVID-19’s stifling effects. The result: a publicly live-streamed, 3-camera setup dubbed a “Celebration of Love.”

“This live-stream experience was the marriage of collaboration and foundation,” says McMichael. “In the midst of everything that’s happening right now, when you have the capacity to create, you produce magic. We departed from the traditional plug-and-play, and TheHAU5 integrated innovative interactivity to share a story that helped people around the world feel courage, hope, and less alone.”

Sure enough, on August 8, 2020, the world watched. With just a wedding website and a few social media pushes, Or and Shoemaker’s wedding was witnessed by people on every continent, save Antarctica, in countries including Egypt, Kenya, India, Singapore, Taiwan, Honduras, Milan, the Netherlands, Spain, the United Kingdom, Lebanon, and Peru, just to name a few. In all, strangers accounted for 30% of the wedding RSVPs.

“The fact that people around the world RSVP’d is confirmation that they needed examples of family and partnership and community,” says Shoemaker. “We showed the world that hate is based in fear and fear is based in the unknown. When you educate people, it reduces their fear and therefore their hate.”

On U.S. soil unfortunately, this is a lesson in civility and compassion that comes in the midst of the Southern Poverty Law Center’s annual “Year in Hate and Extremism” report. Released at the beginning of 2020, it states “the SPLC documented an increase in the number of [U.S.] white nationalist, anti-LGBTQ and anti-immigrant hate groups.” This, of course, does not take into account the countries in which it is illegal and even punishable by death to be a homosexual.

However, this did not stop attendees from sending messages of gratitude to the newlyweds. One anonymous message reads: “I’m from a country where people are sent to prison for being gay, so watching this gave me so much hope. Sometimes I feel so hopeless, like I’m running a marathon, but I’ll never get a chance to reach the end because there’s a wall I can’t get over, go around, or break. I feel like giving up. But you give me hope to hold on for as long as I can. Thank you.”

“This started with the simple fact that our family couldn’t be here,” says Or. “But with an open invitation, our story had the ability to educate and inspire and change the world. And it did just that. We took no concessions with it. It wasn’t about what we couldn’t do. It was about what we could do.”

In lieu of the traditional wedding registry, the grooms also started a fund to offset their wedding costs, 15% of which was donated to The Trevor Project. “We’ve both had periods in our lives where we didn’t think we would have the opportunity to get married, let alone find love,” says Shoemaker. “Through this ceremony, we hope that we reached out to those still searching for acceptance. The only way to live your life is to believe full-heartedly that the best is yet to come.”

The virtual wedding production was creative directed by Alexander McMichael, and featured a guest performance by Freakquencee and TheHAU5 band, wardrobe design by Patrick Church, ring design by Karen Piu, floral design by Brenton Wolf, makeup by Kevin Cheah, photography by Nir Arieli, and video editing by Stephen Hebert.

Or and Shoemaker still reside in Brooklyn with their two dogs, Logan and Rocko, happily rounding out what they call, “The new American nuclear family.”

Got your own #metongrindr story you’d like to share? TAG US @grindr on instagram.

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Freddy & Nicholas met on Grindr over three years ago. Here’s how Freddy describes their origin story:

I remember watching an episode on manifestation by Oprah and instantly writing down every quality that I’d like in my dream man... fast forward, Boom💥 I’m on Grindr.

“I honestly forgot about the list completely, Nicholas messaged me and it was always casual... although I wasn’t entirely interested at first because it seemed like we wanted different things. We continued talking and he seemed like a genuine human being with a big heart, you could feel his warmth through the phone. Talk about energy—something about Nicholas was just different and hard to pinpoint.

He invited me over for dinner. I was expecting steak and something fancy but walked into beef patties and a baked potato… totally threw me off. But his attention to detail was immaculate— everything tasted so flavorful. After dinner, I was serenaded by the beautiful-sounds of him playing his piano. He was talented and I learned that he’s a classically trained pianist. I was a professional ballet dancer at the time and so his skillset, artistry, and precision blew me away. I later learned that he was autistic, high functioning. I had a cousin with autism but I’ve never been intimately involved with anyone with autism before. Also I worried about what people would think about our age difference (update: it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks). We spoke for hours that night. In that instant, I knew my heart was his.

Everything moved rather quickly after that. About a month later, I moved in.”

We both had so much learning about each other to do—toxic cycles to unpack and unlearn, love languages to understand. However three and half years later I couldn’t be more sure that he’s my guy. He’s literally everything I could have asked for and more.

Got your own #metongrindr story you’d like to share? Send your story to @grindr on instagram.

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There’s nothing quite like summertime: beach days, speedos, hot dogs, popsicles, and plenty of afternoon delight. Or, in the case of this particular summer: buying stamps, wearing a variety of masks, sweating in 108 degree heat, and navigating your sex life in the middle of a pandemic. Godspeed, babes.

Thanks to @Zachnoetowers for curating these thrilling conversations from queer quarantined life.

Can’t teach a dog new tricks

Pavlov definitely didn’t have this in mind.

Winnie the top

Looking for: 🍯

My “so-called” life

I haven’t had basement sex in years…

Rumor has it

The gossip mill is at it again!

Handy man

I can’t even put together my life, let alone a shelf.

Herd immunity

Ménage-à-covid?

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If you’re a regular cannabis user, there’s a good chance you’ve had stoned sex. And if you’re anything like me, you think it’s pretty damn great.

When I consume cannabis, I’m typically confronted by the three H’s. I get happy, I get hungry, and I get horny. My reasoning is simple: I love mac and cheese when I’m sober, it just tastes exceptionally better when I’m stoned. As it turns out, so does ass.

While cannabis is not necessary for a rewarding sexual encounter (at least not for me personally), I’ve found it enhances the experience. My extremities tingle, I become deeply intimate and insatiable.

But, I’d be remiss to not acknowledge that cannabis affects all people differently. Unfortunately, research on the subject is limited. In order to study cannabis, researchers must jump through a series of government-mandated hoops to acquire a specific drug license that is historically difficult to acquire.

Due to these hurdles, researchers generally rely on self-reported surveys which have already found troves of benefits regarding sex. One survey of mention comes from online cannabis delivery marketplace, Eaze, who recently partnered with Lioness, a sex toy company who specializes in smart technology, to survey 432 individuals on cannabis’s effects on sex. Using this information, we can make better-informed decisions when using cannabis in the bedroom.  

Believe the boner-ific benefits

Eaze’s research found four key benefits regarding cannabis and sex. First, respondents noticed that their sexual sessions tended to last longer, both when they were solo (64%) and with a partner (73%).

The second benefit was that, even though sexual sessions lasted longer, respondents reached orgasm quicker when solo (63%) and with a partner (71%). This could be influenced by longer foreplay sessions, or, it could be that cannabis encourages more orgasms both when solo (43%) and with a partner (48%).

Since orgasm is not an indicator of a satisfactory sexual experience, Eaze’s survey found “pleasure sessions” were more satisfying when solo (85%) and partnered (79%).

Try different products

There are many wonderful ways to consume cannabis and you undoubtedly have your faves. But when it comes to sex, Eaze’s survey insists that THC-infused edibles and vapes are the most effective products  for enhancing sex.

Proper dosing can take a while to figure out, especially with edibles. You’re best advised to start low, slow, and solo. Consider microdosing to start.

Since edibles take longer to onset  (because they must first pass through the digestive system), people often take too much because they don’t see instant results. Start with doses 5mg or lower, because over-consumption can cause erectile dysfunction, paranoia and sedation.

A fantastic and lesser-known product on the market are CBD suppositories, which help relax the area and treat potential inflammation when engaging in anal and vaginal sex. THC-infused lubricants are a similarly effective option. But, like edibles and suppositories, you can’t expect instant results.

Before you experience its effects, the THC must be absorbed into the body, and therefore should be applied roughly 10 to 30 minutes prior to sexual activity

Seek out properties that suit your needs

Since everybody experiences cannabis differently, recommending a universal strain for better sex is impossible. But there are fan favorites and certain properties within cannabis that are generally agreed on.  

If you’ve noticed your sex drive has taken a hit since the pandemic (you are not alone), aim for strains with high levels of the terpene limonene, and other indica-dominant, high-THC hybrids.

Eaze’s survey found respondents reported cannabis helped them find sex toys more pleasurable. If you’re isolated alone, strains containing the terpene linalool, known for its calming effects and euphoria, are favored for solo sex.

If you experience anxiety before or during sex, research has found these strains are most effective: Bubba Kush, Skywalker OG Kush, Blueberry Lamsbread and Kosher Kush.

Though more research is required, past studies have found that indicas are the preferred strain for pain relief. So if you experience sexual pain from time to time, your safest bet are indica strains containing terpenes such as beta-caryophyllene, humulene, myrcene, and caryophyllene.

If you don’t have the time or patience to examine the individual properties in each strain, you can choose from the many strains formulated specifically for sexual purposes, like arouse thc-plus by Dosist.

See what the buzz is about

There are a great number of ways that cannabis can enhance sex, just as there are many different ways to consume. Whether used as an aphrodisiac (married folks were the most likely to report increased duration of partner sessions with cannabis), to treat sexual pain or discomfort, to connect more deeply with your partner, or to treat sex-related anxieties, the cannabis plant has proven itself a wonderful sexual aid. Now, it’s just up to you to find out how you can use it to best suit your needs.

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Since their introduction in Season 2 of Rupaul’s Drag Race, The Pit Crew has presented an idealized version of what a gay man’s body should look like: masculine, muscular, toned and well endowed. Insert Mina Gerges, the first plus-size member of the Pit Crew on the show's spin off, Canada’s Drag Race. Having Gerges in the Pit Crew is a huge step forward in correcting the show’s inaccurate portrayal of what the LGBTQ+ community looks like.

“Because guys actually look like us, and we deserve to be seen,”  Gerges responded when asked why they wanted to be in the Pit Crew. “I’m fighting for people to see the value in different versions of beauty and I think it’s important, especially when talking about body image that we don’t go ignored.”

And that is exactly what Makes Gerges a star; they continue to show up as their true authentic self, in spite of their struggles. “As a kid, I was often misunderstood and growing up in the Middle East, I felt like I couldn’t be my real self,” they explained. For Gerges, being visible wasn’t an option–it was their destiny.

“Growing up in a place where you can be killed for who you are, I had to make a decision that might have cost me my life. But, I decided to fight.”

That fighting spirit is what has continued to make them a success in the mainstream. From deals with Calvin Klein and Sephora to now being a member of Drag Race’s Pit Crew, Gerges says that none of it has been easy. “I’ve always fought for people to see my value in different versions of beauty,” they shared, noting that like many men of color, their voice was largely ignored prior to getting on the show. “No one listened to us...hence why so many of us feel so small. But I feel like the most beautiful thing I can do is to show the world that me and my body, our body, we deserve to be seen and heard.”

For Gerges, being on the show was their first step in showing the world that beauty comes in various shapes and sizes and has a multitude of colors. “When I heard that the show was happening, I thought, ‘well I’ve been doing all this work for inclusivity so why not?’” For them, being on the show was a step towards proving to themselves how much they had grown since the days of struggling with their body image and overcoming an eating disorder. “I had always been hard on myself in terms of how I look, so imagine walking into an audition room on a cold, rainy November day where there are 30 guys who look like the typical Pit Crew. They were taller than me, they were thinner than me. So it was very intimidating when they called my name.”

While Gerges shared that the hardest part of the process was being in the room, they also said that going for the opportunity is what helped them grow their confidence more than anything else they have ever done. “So, I’m thinking to myself that no one is going to find me attractive, something that very many gay men feel,” Gerges pointed out. “I kept looking at myself in the mirror and saying that I don’t look like these men, until I realized in that moment that I have something to offer too. I told myself to focus on my smile and how great my personality is. You know, that I am a good person. That me being there was not just about my looks.”

In this moment, it would have been very easy for Gerges to grab their things and leave, however it was a moment with a producer that really elevated their tenacity.

“A producer asked me why I wanted to audition and I told them plainly that in Drag Race, the Pit Crew is seen as the epitome of beauty, as something that all gay men should aspire to be. I said that my body is no less beautiful just because I have fat and stretch marks on my body...I deserve to be seen like everyone else.”

Though Gerges still struggles with the notoriety that the show has brought them (and all of the backlash that has come with it), they noted that they would do it all over again in a heartbeat. “Some folks say that I was a token hire and others have tried to knock me for being a bigger model,” they detailed when talking about the aftermath of the experience. “However, like I said before, I do what I do because though it has been hard to break through many of these glass ceilings, I want to use my platform to bring others confidence. I want to give and help open doors for other people.”

Gerges says that being so visible was hard, but it taught them the greatest lesson. “Doing the show taught me the importance of not comparing myself to other people,” they explained. “You have to be comfortable with owning the beauty you exude. I think a lot of queer people share the journey of being torn down and bullied our entire lives. We’ve been invisible and it is very easy to internalize all of that and feel like we are not worthy and feel like we are not beautiful. But I am here to tell you that you are.”

More, Gerges highlighted how important it is to never shrink yourself to make others comfortable. “For me, my entire life, I was told how to dress, how to act, and how I should behave,’ they shared. “People want to put you into a box because that is how the world operates. But remember that people want to force you into the idea of who they think of you are and who you should be. I’ve fought against that my entire life and plan to keep doing that in my career.”

When asking them what the greatest one should take away from their story, Gerges reminds us that liberation is about fighting to unlearn all of the negative things that society has put on to us. “We have to remember that the filth that we have internalized is not about us,” they noted.

“It’s about knowing that you are not alone. It’s about knowing that there is beauty in fighting to be seen because our super power is resilience.”  

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If you’re a fan of Rupaul’s Drag Race (RPDR), then you know the show is never without its fair share of drama. From moments of calculated eliminations (Shangela was ROBBED) to queens being ready to throw down (did someone say they were from Chicago?), RPDR always provides a good cup of tea when you’re parched on a late Friday evening.

But while the show’s juicier moments get dissected endlessly online, not enough attention has been given to how toxic and racist the RPDR fandom can be—and the impact this has on the queens. From The Vixen/Eureka fiasco to the multiple cases of Black queens being called the N-word and receiving death threats online, it’s often hard to find the “love” that Rupaul so often speaks about in said community.

For this month’s “You Better Werk” Bloop celebrates some of the queens who have stepped up to speak out about the racism and discrimination that lives within the fandom and has been perpetuated on the popular show.

Bob the Drag Queen

Hilarious RPDR Season 8 winner and host of HBO’s hit show We’re Here, Bob continues to amass a huge following on social media. But the fame and glory hasn’t come without its fair share of racism. Addressing issues ranging from the microaggressions the queens face online to the ways in which they are stifled on a professional level, Bob is here to remind us that in order for us to dismantle white supremacy, we have to reckon with the issues we have in our own community first.

Bob also reminds us that in order for there to be any progress, we have to remember that everyone in the queer community is on the chopping block when it comes to systemic oppression. “In America, this idea that racism doesn’t affect all of us is not true,” she noted. “We have to accept that racism is an American problem. The arch of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice and I’d like to see more of that.”

Peppermint

If you follow Peppermint online, you’ll quickly learn that she doesn’t mince her words. As a frontrunner for RPDR Season 10, Peppermint has been using her platform to not only speak up about the injustice that Black trans people face, but also to call out queer artists who are not speaking up.

“It bothers me the lack of public acknowledgement about what’s going on here & right now,” she posted to her Twitter feed. Considering that both she and Bob now host a weekly Instagram Live to talk about the issues that affect the Black queer community, there are plenty of reasons to continue stanning Peppermint her and her work.

Shea Coulée      

Fans of RPDR Season 9 know that simply calling Shea Coulee “fashionable and talented” would be an understatement. Now back on All Stars Season 5, Coulee is using her platform to spotlight why we need to give more attention to the racism that takes place in the RPDR fandom.

“We need to hold the fandom to a higher standard”, she told the A.V. Club, after explaining that being a Black queen means knowing that racism comes with the package of success. However, Couleé also reminds us that there is so much power in being a Black queen. “If I give racism too much attention, it’s going to slow me down,” she states. It’s time we start giving Couleé her flowers (no pun intended) for being such an outspoken advocate for anti-racism.

The Vixen

If there is anything that we learned about RPDR Season 10, it’s that some of the queens don’t have time for white fragility. We saw this with The Vixen, who not only challenged many of her peers to address the ways they treat Black queens, but also called out the entire franchise for the ways in which Black queens are portrayed on the show.

In a piece that she wrote for Pride.com, The Vixen got personal about her experience and about the ways in which we continue to perpetuate racism in both the fandom and the community. “A Blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl can wear jeans and a t-shirt and look all American, but we do it and we look ghetto,” she states. But beyond that, The Vixen continues to call out the show’s double standards toward Black queens. “Black excellence needs to be celebrated,” she goes on to highlight, explaining that the show will continue to do more harm than good if we don’t acknowledge the problem. “You can’t call it a fair race if the challenges don’t acknowledge the double standard. The playing field isn’t level.”

Mayhem Miller

Since her appearance on Season 10 of RPDR, Mayhem Miller has made a name for herself not only as the life of the party, but also for speaking up about the racism she encounters both on and off the stage. During her time on All Stars 5, Miller opened up about her own experiences with the police and why Drag Race needs to have a reckoning with the racism found in the fan base.

“With responsibility, there needs to be accountability,” she shared in a recent interview with The Advocate. “I think more people need to speak out. It’s not just about saying that their behavior is unacceptable-we have to take our power back as well.” Like many other queens, Miller wants other drag performers to stand up and start telling their fans that they need to do better by Black drag queens and Black drag fans. “The fans want to stand up for their queen and tear down another for them,” she explains. For Miller, it’s about more than saying “Black Lives Matter”—it’s about taking a stance and telling fans that racism doesn’t have a place in the drag community.

Asia O'Hara

Among all of the conversations happening around race and racism in the RPDR fandom, Season 10 contestant and Werq the World (WTW): The Docu-Series Season 2 star Asia O’Hara has decided to get personal about her own experiences with racism and discrimination.

In 2018, O’hara opened up about her personal experiences with racism and how social media triggered her after receiving a racist death threat to burn her alive, similar to an experience she had in her youth. She would go on to talk about the racial bias in the show, alluding to the idea that RPDR fandom isn’t fair to many of the Black queens. In 2019, she noted on Twitter that the vast majority of RPDR fans are, in fact, racist.

Recently on her WTW episode, she got candid about the discrimination she faces on tour and the ways in which racism is often overlooked in society. “Fans ask me to step out of the picture so they have just a picture with the other girls, like Kameron and Aquaria,” she shared during an interview.

For these queens, it’s not just about acknowledging the racism, but giving attention to the ways in which Black queens on the show aren’t given their proper dues. If we’re going to celebrate RuPaul for working to give us the representation we’ve always wanted in media, we have to acknowledge the queens who are working to dismantle the racism and discrimination that also lives on—and off—the show.

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High school was a long-ass time ago, but I distinctly remember that my sex ed course never ever spoke about the bum as a source of sexual pleasure. I was particularly curious about butt stuff at the time, so I was quite literally begging for it* (*info on butt stuff).

My gym teacher, a burly homophobe, was the sex ed teacher at my school. When anal sex was mentioned in class, knuckle-head students would chuckle, he’d smirk, and we’d move on. No mention of lube, douching, consent, nada. Butt sex was gay, and gay people didn’t exist according to our curriculum. As such, my comprehension of anal stimulation and anatomy has been largely self-taught.

This became abundantly clear when I came out of the closet and dated a very experienced man in his 40s. He relished my naivete and got off on introducing me to new experiences, one of which was accessing what he called my “second hole.” At the time, I thought people had one b-hole, but I was wrong. And so was he.

If we’re going to get technical, the hole he wanted to access is actually the third hole, because there are two sphincters in the rim region of our bums: internal and external. About 16 to 20 centimeters from this area lives the rectosigmoid junction—the third hole—where the rectum meets the sigmoid colon.

This oft-ignored area can be a wonderful, albeit sensitive, source of pleasure. So let’s get to know her better, shall we?

C'mon c'mon do the rectosigmoid junction with me

A quick warning: this answer has a lot to do with poop. The rectosigmoid junction keeps feces in the sigmoid portion of the colon (which is six to nine inches inside the booty-hole, just above the rectum, which is roughly four to six inches long). It remains closed until our body is ready to have a bowel movement.

The sigmoid colon lays horizontal in the body (at a near 90-degree angle) and is the final resting place for feces before it turns the corner at the rectosigmoid junction and exits the body through the rectum.

“Once the body senses the flow of stool, the rectosigmoid position goes from being angled to starting to straighten out, allowing the passage of stool down to the rectum and into your toilet,” Dr. Evan Goldstein, CEO of Bespoke Surgical, a medical and wellness practice for gay men, says. “I think a lot of people already hit this area without knowing it.”

Since the rectosigmoid junction sounds like a Schoolhouse Rock tune, Goldstein recommends we refer to this part of our anatomy as the “deeper hole.”

Douche destroyer

You know how sometimes when you douche, the water’s running clear, and—boom!—you’re back in muddy territory? That’s because you’ve over-douched (either using too much volume or doing so too many times) and water has rushed passed the rectosigmoid junction and into the sigmoid colon, where poop is stored, creating more of a mess than if you hadn’t douched in the first place.

For more info on how to douche properly—look here.

Handle with care

The deeper you get into the bum, the more force that’s required. The higher the force that’s generated, the increased potential for issues like fissures, hemorrhoids, and tearing in the rectal region. Overdouching can bring about these same issues, causing significant damage before you engage in anal play.

“The best thing you can do is use a longer toy on your own first to see if you like this type of stimulation,” Goldstein recommends. “Figure out the angles, see what works and what doesn’t, and then you’ll be in a position for success.”

Using a well-lubed toy beforehand (especially one that reaches the desired region) can help ease the process with a partner, since it can be difficult to get lube that deep inside your b-hole. If you don’t want to use a toy, a lube injector is also quite effective.

“This area totally has nerve endings that can be positively stimulating,” Goldstein says. “Remember that high up, there are many other anatomical regions abutting, like the pelvic brim, bladder, lumbosacral region, etc. All of these elicit pleasurable (but sometimes painful) sensations and hopefully with proper preparation (douching, toys, lube, better tops, etc.), it will lead to great sex.”

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Open up to new possibilities

“If the area is irritated, you may experience some mild tearing and bleeding, along with more typical anal pathologies like fissure, hemorrhoids, and so on,” Goldstein says. “Proper education and experience, along with choosing a top who understands the ins and outs of sex (no pun intended), are key.”

Essentially, the rules for accessing the the rectosigmoid junction (the “deeper hole”) are the same as anal sex in general. But since you’re going deeper, these precautions are amplified. So treat your body right, stop when things get uncomfortable, communicate throughout the process, and most important, have fun!

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The Black Lives Matter movement has rightfully demanded an awareness of self and an accountability of others. As taught by our Black Brothers and Sisters who have led by example, our pursuit in ending systemic injustice and inequality has only just begun. Liberation is only achieved through solidarity with a recognition that change must occur.

In what has become a global and historic civil rights movement, many have done their part to take on difficult conversations with those inevitably opposed to change: conservative family members, microaggressive colleagues, and yes, Karen herself. For some however, these conversations about the journey to reformation have started at home with those most intimate to them, their partner.

Curious to know how these conversations have been held between queer interracial/BIPOC couples, I asked some of them to highlight the ways in which the Black Lives Matter movement has (or has not) impacted their love language. Is there an awareness to love and respect each other in ways not thought of before? An accountability to communicate in a different, more progressive light? A recognition that, as queer folx, there are ways in which we, too, are responsible for growing?

‍Dillon Dyer & Stephen Thomas

Age: 29 & 34

Instagram/Twitter: @dillondyer

Dillon:

My Southern manners taught me to treat and love everyone the same. I noticed then, and even now, that many people there don’t always practice what they preach. This awareness pushed me to treat all people from a place of love, and Stephen and I both stand on [this] principle… The BLM movement has driven some meaningful conversations between the two of us. As we’ve talked, I’ve come to better understand the challenges the Black community continues to face. I will continue to stand by Stephen and listen to how I can continue to push this movement forward.

Jason Dick & David Herrera

Age: 28 & 25

Instagram: @phoebejeebiesnyc & @david.a.herrera

Jason:

This movement has made me more aware of the fact that we are in an interracial relationship. However, while we are in an interracial relationship, neither of us are Black. We are allies to the BLM, and this movement has made us have more conversations. More so David sharing and processing his own experiences with me listening and learning. It’s made me even more determined to improve my own allyship as a person with so much privilege. And my love for David definitely fuels that fire.

David:

‍I would say that BLM has greatly increased our need to support one another due to the current climate. Being Hispanic, I feel that I fall in a weird space during this movement. The issue isn’t directly about my skin color, but I don’t benefit from certain privileges Jason does. The BLM movement has allowed us to have conversations about our experiences regarding our skin color that we never really talked about before. As far as love, these past few months have presented great challenges and circumstances that have ultimately made our love for one another stronger.

Marvin Webb & George Ziegler

Age: 50+

Marvin:

The BLM movement has not caused a significant shift in our love language because, as an interracial couple, we chose to always speak about race and other isms upfront since the beginning of our relationship… Because of that foundation, our conversations around current events have been able to be deeper than most white folks who don't have that ability to have a deeper conversation with a person of color. I do think this time period specifically has allowed George to have a deeper understanding of the issues that I face. He has a more visceral reaction to and response for other white friends and family members who question BLM.

George:

‍After we married in 2015, Marvin moved from Brooklyn to Pennsylvania. In taking our walks around the neighborhood, Marvin would avoid strolling down an alley. At first, I dismissed this as an overreaction; however, as we have come to see, Black men are killed for merely walking down a street. This makes me sad, angry, frustrated and even depressed at times. To know that the man you love is not looked at by some through the same eyes hurts deeply. As our nation strives to overcome these all-important race issues, I know that Marvin and I will keep our conversations going, with more listening on my end.

Tyler Martin & Enrique Cavazos

Age: 28 & 27

Instagram: @tylerisaacmartin & @enriquegcavazos

Tyler:

‍Being an interracial gay couple that grew up in the South, the subject of race and discrimination has often come up. However, the BLM movement has empowered us to be bolder and to push each other to be louder. Even though we are college sweethearts who have been together for over eight years now, we are still growing with each other daily, finding new ways to empower each other’s voices, and holding each other accountable. As we hold hands, supporting one another, we use our voices, art, and love to fight.

Jacob & Eli

Age: 35 & 31

Instagram: @jaaase421 & @itshibiscus

Jacob:

‍The BLM movement and protests have made both of us more aware and vocal about the injustices the Black community faces. If anything, it has drawn us closer together as we have discussed issues, mourned unjust deaths, spoken out against racism, and conducted self-evaluations. At such a volatile time, it is a great comfort to have a loving partner with whom you can grow and fight for what is right.

Jay Wooden & Nate Stolldorf

Age: 38 & 32

Instagram: @jaywoo81 & @natess87

Jay:

My perspective of the world is different than most, including my white fiance. Our love language includes honesty and open communication without fear of judgement. Therefore, the BLM movement has presented an opportunity for us to dive deeper to fully understand our different world views and how that affects our relationship. The BLM movement itself has encouraged us to face hard truths of our realities head on, and we are grateful to be in a loving and committed interracial relationship where we can deepen our understanding of each other. More importantly, we can stand up and fight, together, for the change that is so desperately needed in this country!

Nate:

There are societal and familial pressures we need to contend with… We have to deal with people who don’t know our relationship but think they do. I can only hope that [those people] follow our lead, support us, and lift us up. I agree with Jay that I think the BLM movement has created more conversations and has strengthened our already strong relationship. Being white, I have work I need to do to be the best future husband and ally I can be. I will do anything, say anything, and walk in front of whatever barrier I need to to protect Jason.

Charlie & Wyatt

Age: 25 & 25

Instagram: @trinidaddycharlie

Charlie:

‍With COVID, we've been hunkered down South and have experienced these social and cultural upheavals amidst folks who don't feel the way we do. Such opposition has tightened the bond between Wyatt and myself - two white queer men - with me also being an immigrant. It's galvanized us to confront our white privilege and take a stand for our BIPOC brothers and sisters, and we've been further emboldened to stand up for ourselves with homophobic microaggressions. Days where we both feel overwhelmed over the injustices, we've had to increasingly rely on each other for support, to express, to rage, to cry, to connect.

Mark-Eugene Garcia & Rodrigo E. Bolaños

Age: 40 & 42

Instagram: @storytellerMG & @rodrigoebolanos

Mark:

‍Aside from being married, we are artistic collaborators in theatre. BLM made us look back at our own work and make sure that we are correctly representing the Black community. There have been some misses. Never intentional, but often unnoticed. For example, a show we created took place in Jackson Heights, Queens and ended up with a predominately white cast. In casting we felt we were being all inclusive, but never did we make sure we were portraying the community our show took place in… As we continue, we will make sure that the stories of our Black friends are told truthfully and with respect.

Benny Or & Cristian Shoemaker

Age: 29 & 34

Instagram: @bennyor & @cristian.andres.s

Benny:

‍While each of us individually have always valued diversity and inclusion, BLM has connected us deeply on that value and has aligned us with a common goal to contribute to the movement. In response, we’ve been working on “Black Art Matters,” a collaborative content series for social media that amplifies the voices of Black artists. The fight for equality has showed us the power that we own in being an interracial couple and we’re excited to bring upon real change in the world together.

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There’s thick. There’s massive. And then there’s Boomer Banks.

Boomer Banks is not a newbie in the gay porn world; the mere mention of his name is enough to send shivers through one’s rectal walls. And so while his recent venture into OnlyFans is no surprise, it does add to his absolutely gigantic presence.

In addition to performing his specialty act (topping), Boomer sometimes goes above and beyond for extra credit, but there’s no brown-nosing here—the fleet water runs VERY clear. Boomer once described OnlyFans as a “farmer’s market for porn.” Turns out, he’s right—folks are hungry for farm-to-hole goods.

Photos

Boomer’s photo section exists, but it’s not exactly thriving. Around a dozen old photos make up the entirety of the menu in this section of the page. The photos highlight what broke Boomer into the industry, the three little words that when said in sequence will make your hole sing a song in A minor: large uncut dick.

They say the camera adds ten pounds, and it is clear exactly where they went. With each click through, you can hear a Bottom’s legs opening from outer space. These aren’t your run of the mill lying-in-bed dick pics you’ll get bombarded with on Grindr though; they at least have the idea of art direction, but not exactly the execution. Meaning you can see it from the front, side and behind, but they aren’t really geared to the horniness of this particular platform.

The boldest is a full frontal photo on a very busy NYC subway platform, but the public sexcapades pretty much end there.

Boomer once described OnlyFans sites as a “farmer’s market for porn.” Turns out, he’s right—folks are hungry for farm-to-hole goods.

Videos

The videos are what you came for (or to)! His experience in the industry gives all three of Boomer’s legs an up when it comes to knowing how to direct and produce content of his own. These aren’t just your standard homemade video clips that you share with crushes (“allow replay”) on Instagram, these are feature films. Videos average over 20 minutes long and many of them are really well produced! Cameramen! Lighting! Stage makeup!  As of now, there are only 17 videos on the site, but like bottoms who eat ass, they’re small in number but mighty.

In a video with Rhyheim Shabazz, Boomer bottoms while a large single picture of himself is displayed on a TV screen in the background. A level of narcissism I could really get behind, if it weren’t for the palm tree made of LED lights sitting on a meticulously placed towel in the background. Why is it sitting on a towel? Does it get watered? Is it about to bottom?

There is a lot of foreplay. This queen spends so much time on his knees you’d think it was a Catholic mass, but it is high value foreplay. You can even see some salt and pepper pubic hairs, something I didn’t know I was into until I witnessed it for myself. Locations are mostly under-decorated bedrooms and Boomer’s couch, with the exception of a very good public sex video featuring Max Adonis in the woods. There are no threesomes or group action on the page for those who like company, but there is plenty of passion. Boomer loves to kiss. With all the time he spends in other people’s mouths, he should offer dental insurance.

This queen spends so much time on his knees you’d think it was a Catholic mass…

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Scene Partners

Boomer’s dick has seen more white cake than the institution of marriage. For all there is to say about an industry vet creating content that sometimes mirrors longstanding issues within the gay porn industry at large, Boomer’s success and existence alone are a challenge to the industry’s status quo, and his page features things you don’t always see in the work of larger porn studios. The page features work with two great performers Billy Vega and Trip Richards (both of whom are trans) in two of the best scenes of the page.

Boomer’s success and existence alone are a challenge to the industry’s status quo, and his page features things you don’t always see featured in the work of larger porn studios.

On the hole

The page covers a lot of ground for one that’s just getting started. His years in the industry can absolutely be seen in the work put out on the site. From editing to angles, Boomer knows his way around a camera. And at the current rate of upload, some really great content is to be expected.  The page delivers content the way Boomer delivers his sex: raw and uncut.

3.5/5 Fleets

Location: https://onlyfans.com/boomerbanks

Price: $$ (average)

Noise Level: Average

Average video length: 20-25 minutes

Production value: No Sandra Lee, but still semi-homemade.

Makes personalized videos/photos? Yes

Uploads regularly? Yes, weekly if not more often!

Top, Bottom or Vers? Vers but mostly top.

What the Fleets mean: Ratings range from zero to five fleets. Zero, is poor, failure or scam. One fleet is satisfactory. Two fleets is good. Three fleets is very good. Four fleets is excellent. Five fleets is superb.

In recent weeks, there have been numerous nationwide protests against the epidemic of racial injustice in the United States, including the unfair treatment of Black LGBTQ+ people. Many of the protests have resulted in several important laws and legislations being passed, all in favor of keeping Black queer people protected.

These marches take a great deal of time and work and rarely do those who organize them get the credit that they deserve. For Pride month, BLOOP profiled several of the organizers and activists who have put their lives on the line in the fight for equality and liberation.

There are so many reasons why Blossom Brown deserves their flowers. From calling out white supremacy at the CNN Townhall to leading several of the recent marches in Beverly Hills, CA, Brown is committed to being a voice for the needs of Black trans women.

When asked what it means for her to be an organizer, she shared that it’s about her not being afraid to get her hands dirty. “Being an organizer is about really getting down in the trenches and doing the work,” she says. “It’s about the deep learning that comes with this work.”

When asked what advice she would give to folks wanting to help organizers in the movement right now she says,  “I want people to know that this work takes patience”, she shared. “We have to make sure things are strategically implemented, but also we have to make sure things are consistent. Like, you can’t start and stop. You gotta be consistent because the work is consistent."

For this SoCal native, the work is something that Angie Balderas has always known. “It’s always been in my blood really,” she stated, noting that her grandfather and most of her family have been organizing since the days that she could remember. “My family was heavily involved in the Cesar Chavez movement and the work in the fields. My grandfather was a teamster and my uncle was part of the communication workers.”

As for the work that she is most proud of, she noted that much of it started in her own efforts to make education more accessible to marginalized people. “When I got back from California State University, Northridge, I was at San Bernardino Valley College and I just began organizing,” she says. Much of that work led her to be known throughout the Inland Empire region as a voice for queer people of color. “I saw the hate and I just knew I had to do something about it.”

When asked what advice she would give to folks right now who want to help organizers in the movement, she says to remember how important self-care in these movements are. “Always take care of you,” she stated, reminding us that this work can and will burn us out if we let it. “Life is already giving us a hard time, make sure you are taking care of you and each other.”

After years of being disproportionately affected by the prison industrial complex, Dominique Morgan made it their life’s work to make sure that no other queer Black/brown person would ever have to experience it. “Being an organizer for me is not just about being a voice,” they shared, “but about knowing the power behind your voice and who you can lead with it.”

As the Executive Director of Black and Pink, they have had many opportunities to help in life changing work. From providing services to the homeless to helping in abolitionist work, they are committed to making sure that queer people feel like they have a home no matter where they go. “I never want folks to feel like I did when I left the Nebraska Department of Corrections in 2009,” they said. “This is why I do what I do with Lighting House—to make sure that people know that truly safe spaces exist.”

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When asked what advice they might have for folks looking to help in the movement, it’s about understanding how we got here and what it’s going to take to change it. “People need to understand history beyond what is taught in education,” they explained. “And when I say education, I am not just talking about college. We have to be committed to reading the work of Fred Hampton and Huey P. Newton. We can all learn from the words of Marsha P. Johnson. The information is out there. Don’t be afraid to sit in a room, shut your mouth and listen.”

For some activists, being an organizer is about the doing but for Matt Abularach-Macias, it’s a way of thought. “Being an organizer for me is a mentality”, he told BLOOP. “It’s about the ways in which you move throughout the world and more so than that, it’s about building long term power and changing the systems.”

As an UCLA alum who did a lot of organizing around the needs of marginalized students, they have rooted a lot of their work in the power of knowledge and how they can use said tools to dismantle oppression. “A lot of my time as an organizer is spent with me learning,” he states. “I know I have the tools to understand how the system of oppression is designed and how said design isn’t an accident. But, getting a degree helped me understand how power is tied to identity and the political aspect of my identity because, the personal is political.”

When asked about what advice they would give folks who are wanting to support the current movement, for them it’s all about listening more than doing. “In order for real change to happen, you have to be committed to listening,” he explains. “We have to recognize that shared experiences often help us better understand the problem. As you listen, you learn, and as you learn, you have a responsibility to do, right? The dynamic of the people isn’t singular—so with that, demonstrate solidarity in how you listen and respond to the issues.”

They often say that there is power in numbers. For Jason Rosenberg, doing this work means exactly that—even if that means putting himself in harms way for the liberation of the people. “For me, being an organizer is about showing up in full capacity,” he noted. “It’s about putting your body on the line and creating space in a really revolutionary and radical way.”

As someone who has had their hand in extensive moments of history that have helped the LGBTQ+ community progress, for him it’s not just about what he’s done, but about who he has been able to be in community with during the work. “I value the moments most where I have been able to be with our queer elders,” he shared. “They really guided how I show up and how I value the work we do to move towards greater liberation, Black/queer liberation.”

In speaking about about what people can do to help organizers in this current time, Rosenberg wants people to not be afraid to step up. “What we can learn from the protest surrounding Tony Mcdade and other trans women of color who are killed is that anyone can show up,” he expressed. “You can support  both spiritually and physically. Just show up and lend support in any way that you can. Now is the time to donate less to the HRC’s and the GLAAD’s and give more to the Black trans led groups that are really doing the work for housing, healthcare and economic justice. This is what the people need the most.”

In a recent interview with The Advocate, Jeff Bonforte and Rick Marini—our new CEO and COO, respectively—shared what brought them to Grindr and outlined their plans for the app in the wake of the acquisition. In the piece, Jeff identified three buckets the company will focus on as it works to better serve the LGBTQ+ community and make Grindr a more positive place for everyone:

User safety and security is one part of a three-"bucket" plan. It falls in the "tech stack" bucket, in which Grindr will undergo "a full top to bottom review" of its programming and data architecture, meaning how this information is stored.

The second bucket is product development: enhancing Grindr and adding new features "to try to continue to activate the community," said Bonforte. The possibilities for this activation are many. Grindr, he learned, is about far more than hookups. He reported hearing from users who missed Grindr's sense of community after they found a relationship and left it. There are also users who only open the app for travel purposes, another area he hopes to expand upon.

However, don't expect any sweeping redesign. "You have to be careful not to dabble with the core product," Bonforte said, adding, "We don't want to hurt Grindr. It's so good."

The last bucket is "internal culture," which Bonforte defined as "developing the team, making sure that the employee base does a great job of representing the community, and getting that voice at all levels in business."

On the topic of straight men running a queer app, Rick emphasized that Grindr’s new owners will be partnering with LGBTQ+ employees—and the community at large—for leadership and guidance on how to best serve Grindr users:

To this end, Grindr will "absolutely" be recruiting more LGBTQ+ people as line employees, leaders, and board members, committed Marini. Having LGBTQ+ people in the room is essential for "understanding the needs of the users," he stressed. Bonforte added that LGBTQ+ recruitment is just "good business" because it will lead to a better product.”

Head over to The Advocate for the full story. Welcome, Jeff and Rick!

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For the past week, protesters have taken to the streets in major cities across America in a wave of indignation to condemn police brutality and anti-black violence.

It began on May 25th when George Floyd, a 46-year-old Black man, was killed in Minneapolis, Minnesota by a police officer. The officer, Derek Chauvin, kneeled on Floyd’s neck for over 8 minutes while he was pinned to the ground. After footage of the death gained attention on social media, protests erupted in Minneapolis demanding justice for Floyd.

The Minneapolis protests started peacefully but escalated when police fired tear gas and rubber bullets at protestors.

In the days that have followed, many more have gathered to protest in Los Angeles, New York, and other major cities to demand justice for George Floyd and an end to anti-black violence.  As protests expand across the rest of the country, the police have continued to provoke and escalate the situation.

In light of this, BLOOP has put together a number of ways to take action in support of justice for Floyd and the efforts of protestors, as well as materials to educate yourself on racial justice and how to be actively anti-racist.

1. Donate

Along with one-time payments in response to the protests, please consider a monthly donation that you can invest into long term.

1. George Floyd’s Family Fundraiser:
2. This fund will be used to help the Floyd family with funeral/memorial costs and to help the family continue to seek justice for George.
3. Ahmaud Arbery’s Family Fundraiser:
4. This fund will be used to help the Arbery family with funeral/memorial costs and to help the family continue to seek justice for Ahmaud.
5. The National Bail Fund Network:
6. Help protesters make bail using this list of bail funds for protesters across the country.  
7. Black Visions Collective:
8. A Black, Trans, & Queer-led organization that is committed to dismantling systems of oppression, as well as shifting the public narrative to support long-term change.
9. Black Lives Matter:
10. Join the movement to fight for freedom, liberation, and justice.
11. The NAACP Legal Defense Fund:
12. America’s premier legal organization fighting for racial injustice.
13. The Marsha P. Johnson Institute:
14. Protects and defends the right of Black Trans people.

2. Sign petitions

Much like the right to protest, petitioning is part of your First Amendment rights. A massive petition shows that people care about an issue and helps put pressure on the government to take action.

1. Justice for George Floyd: A petition to have the DA charge the cops involved in Floyd’s death.‍
2. Justice for George Floyd and Breonna Taylor: Color Of Change has two active petitions to charge the police officers involved in the deaths of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. ‍
3. Defund The Police: A BLM petition for the national defunding of police.

3. Social media Activism

This is an easy way to take action. Be intentional about posting authenticated news articles, petitions, websites, and more that help bring exposure to police brutality and anti-black violence. Here are a few tips.

1. Don’t be silent on social media. Speak up. Use your platform to seek justice for George Floyd. If you are uncomfortable writing something yourself then repost someone else’s words.
2. When you donate, share the link on your social channels to inspire followers.
3. Resharing photos or videos of protestors could get them in trouble with the law. Think carefully before reposting any video where law enforcement could I.D. someone.

4. Educate yourself

If you aren’t Black consider it an imperative to educate yourself on how to be actively anti-racist. Here are a few readings that will help you gain more knowledge on these issues:

The End of Policing: Alex Vitale
A book that shows how the police create problems they were founded to solve. A vital book that dissects the usefulness of policing itself.

White Fragility: Robin DiAngelo, phD
White fragility is described in this book as, “a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves.” This book details the mechanics of white fragility, and points to ways for white people to engage in racial justice.

How To Be An Anti-Racist: Ibram X. Kendi
A powerful book for anyone who wants to delve beyond peripheral awareness of racism in society to contributing towards the formation of an equal society.

White Rage: Carol Anderson
Documents the violent reaction of white society to every single one of Black people’s gains. A staggering account of racist history in the United States.

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