If you’re a fan of Rupaul’s Drag Race (RPDR), then you know the show is never without its fair share of drama. From moments of calculated eliminations (Shangela was ROBBED) to queens being ready to throw down (did someone say they were from Chicago?), RPDR always provides a good cup of tea when you’re parched on a late Friday evening.

But while the show’s juicier moments get dissected endlessly online, not enough attention has been given to how toxic and racist the RPDR fandom can be—and the impact this has on the queens. From The Vixen/Eureka fiasco to the multiple cases of Black queens being called the N-word and receiving death threats online, it’s often hard to find the “love” that Rupaul so often speaks about in said community.

For this month’s “You Better Werk” Bloop celebrates some of the queens who have stepped up to speak out about the racism and discrimination that lives within the fandom and has been perpetuated on the popular show.

Bob the Drag Queen

Hilarious RPDR Season 8 winner and host of HBO’s hit show We’re Here, Bob continues to amass a huge following on social media. But the fame and glory hasn’t come without its fair share of racism. Addressing issues ranging from the microaggressions the queens face online to the ways in which they are stifled on a professional level, Bob is here to remind us that in order for us to dismantle white supremacy, we have to reckon with the issues we have in our own community first.

Bob also reminds us that in order for there to be any progress, we have to remember that everyone in the queer community is on the chopping block when it comes to systemic oppression. “In America, this idea that racism doesn’t affect all of us is not true,” she noted. “We have to accept that racism is an American problem. The arch of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice and I’d like to see more of that.”

Peppermint

If you follow Peppermint online, you’ll quickly learn that she doesn’t mince her words. As a frontrunner for RPDR Season 10, Peppermint has been using her platform to not only speak up about the injustice that Black trans people face, but also to call out queer artists who are not speaking up.

“It bothers me the lack of public acknowledgement about what’s going on here & right now,” she posted to her Twitter feed. Considering that both she and Bob now host a weekly Instagram Live to talk about the issues that affect the Black queer community, there are plenty of reasons to continue stanning Peppermint her and her work.

Shea Coulée      

Fans of RPDR Season 9 know that simply calling Shea Coulee “fashionable and talented” would be an understatement. Now back on All Stars Season 5, Coulee is using her platform to spotlight why we need to give more attention to the racism that takes place in the RPDR fandom.

“We need to hold the fandom to a higher standard”, she told the A.V. Club, after explaining that being a Black queen means knowing that racism comes with the package of success. However, Couleé also reminds us that there is so much power in being a Black queen. “If I give racism too much attention, it’s going to slow me down,” she states. It’s time we start giving Couleé her flowers (no pun intended) for being such an outspoken advocate for anti-racism.

The Vixen

If there is anything that we learned about RPDR Season 10, it’s that some of the queens don’t have time for white fragility. We saw this with The Vixen, who not only challenged many of her peers to address the ways they treat Black queens, but also called out the entire franchise for the ways in which Black queens are portrayed on the show.

In a piece that she wrote for Pride.com, The Vixen got personal about her experience and about the ways in which we continue to perpetuate racism in both the fandom and the community. “A Blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl can wear jeans and a t-shirt and look all American, but we do it and we look ghetto,” she states. But beyond that, The Vixen continues to call out the show’s double standards toward Black queens. “Black excellence needs to be celebrated,” she goes on to highlight, explaining that the show will continue to do more harm than good if we don’t acknowledge the problem. “You can’t call it a fair race if the challenges don’t acknowledge the double standard. The playing field isn’t level.”

Mayhem Miller

Since her appearance on Season 10 of RPDR, Mayhem Miller has made a name for herself not only as the life of the party, but also for speaking up about the racism she encounters both on and off the stage. During her time on All Stars 5, Miller opened up about her own experiences with the police and why Drag Race needs to have a reckoning with the racism found in the fan base.

“With responsibility, there needs to be accountability,” she shared in a recent interview with The Advocate. “I think more people need to speak out. It’s not just about saying that their behavior is unacceptable-we have to take our power back as well.” Like many other queens, Miller wants other drag performers to stand up and start telling their fans that they need to do better by Black drag queens and Black drag fans. “The fans want to stand up for their queen and tear down another for them,” she explains. For Miller, it’s about more than saying “Black Lives Matter”—it’s about taking a stance and telling fans that racism doesn’t have a place in the drag community.

Asia O'Hara

Among all of the conversations happening around race and racism in the RPDR fandom, Season 10 contestant and Werq the World (WTW): The Docu-Series Season 2 star Asia O’Hara has decided to get personal about her own experiences with racism and discrimination.

In 2018, O’hara opened up about her personal experiences with racism and how social media triggered her after receiving a racist death threat to burn her alive, similar to an experience she had in her youth. She would go on to talk about the racial bias in the show, alluding to the idea that RPDR fandom isn’t fair to many of the Black queens. In 2019, she noted on Twitter that the vast majority of RPDR fans are, in fact, racist.

Recently on her WTW episode, she got candid about the discrimination she faces on tour and the ways in which racism is often overlooked in society. “Fans ask me to step out of the picture so they have just a picture with the other girls, like Kameron and Aquaria,” she shared during an interview.

For these queens, it’s not just about acknowledging the racism, but giving attention to the ways in which Black queens on the show aren’t given their proper dues. If we’re going to celebrate RuPaul for working to give us the representation we’ve always wanted in media, we have to acknowledge the queens who are working to dismantle the racism and discrimination that also lives on—and off—the show.

{{video-inline-cta}}

‍

High school was a long-ass time ago, but I distinctly remember that my sex ed course never ever spoke about the bum as a source of sexual pleasure. I was particularly curious about butt stuff at the time, so I was quite literally begging for it* (*info on butt stuff).

My gym teacher, a burly homophobe, was the sex ed teacher at my school. When anal sex was mentioned in class, knuckle-head students would chuckle, he’d smirk, and we’d move on. No mention of lube, douching, consent, nada. Butt sex was gay, and gay people didn’t exist according to our curriculum. As such, my comprehension of anal stimulation and anatomy has been largely self-taught.

This became abundantly clear when I came out of the closet and dated a very experienced man in his 40s. He relished my naivete and got off on introducing me to new experiences, one of which was accessing what he called my “second hole.” At the time, I thought people had one b-hole, but I was wrong. And so was he.

If we’re going to get technical, the hole he wanted to access is actually the third hole, because there are two sphincters in the rim region of our bums: internal and external. About 16 to 20 centimeters from this area lives the rectosigmoid junction—the third hole—where the rectum meets the sigmoid colon.

This oft-ignored area can be a wonderful, albeit sensitive, source of pleasure. So let’s get to know her better, shall we?

C'mon c'mon do the rectosigmoid junction with me

A quick warning: this answer has a lot to do with poop. The rectosigmoid junction keeps feces in the sigmoid portion of the colon (which is six to nine inches inside the booty-hole, just above the rectum, which is roughly four to six inches long). It remains closed until our body is ready to have a bowel movement.

The sigmoid colon lays horizontal in the body (at a near 90-degree angle) and is the final resting place for feces before it turns the corner at the rectosigmoid junction and exits the body through the rectum.

“Once the body senses the flow of stool, the rectosigmoid position goes from being angled to starting to straighten out, allowing the passage of stool down to the rectum and into your toilet,” Dr. Evan Goldstein, CEO of Bespoke Surgical, a medical and wellness practice for gay men, says. “I think a lot of people already hit this area without knowing it.”

Since the rectosigmoid junction sounds like a Schoolhouse Rock tune, Goldstein recommends we refer to this part of our anatomy as the “deeper hole.”

Douche destroyer

You know how sometimes when you douche, the water’s running clear, and—boom!—you’re back in muddy territory? That’s because you’ve over-douched (either using too much volume or doing so too many times) and water has rushed passed the rectosigmoid junction and into the sigmoid colon, where poop is stored, creating more of a mess than if you hadn’t douched in the first place.

For more info on how to douche properly—look here.

Handle with care

The deeper you get into the bum, the more force that’s required. The higher the force that’s generated, the increased potential for issues like fissures, hemorrhoids, and tearing in the rectal region. Overdouching can bring about these same issues, causing significant damage before you engage in anal play.

“The best thing you can do is use a longer toy on your own first to see if you like this type of stimulation,” Goldstein recommends. “Figure out the angles, see what works and what doesn’t, and then you’ll be in a position for success.”

Using a well-lubed toy beforehand (especially one that reaches the desired region) can help ease the process with a partner, since it can be difficult to get lube that deep inside your b-hole. If you don’t want to use a toy, a lube injector is also quite effective.

“This area totally has nerve endings that can be positively stimulating,” Goldstein says. “Remember that high up, there are many other anatomical regions abutting, like the pelvic brim, bladder, lumbosacral region, etc. All of these elicit pleasurable (but sometimes painful) sensations and hopefully with proper preparation (douching, toys, lube, better tops, etc.), it will lead to great sex.”

‍

Open up to new possibilities

“If the area is irritated, you may experience some mild tearing and bleeding, along with more typical anal pathologies like fissure, hemorrhoids, and so on,” Goldstein says. “Proper education and experience, along with choosing a top who understands the ins and outs of sex (no pun intended), are key.”

Essentially, the rules for accessing the the rectosigmoid junction (the “deeper hole”) are the same as anal sex in general. But since you’re going deeper, these precautions are amplified. So treat your body right, stop when things get uncomfortable, communicate throughout the process, and most important, have fun!

{{video-inline-cta}}

The Black Lives Matter movement has rightfully demanded an awareness of self and an accountability of others. As taught by our Black Brothers and Sisters who have led by example, our pursuit in ending systemic injustice and inequality has only just begun. Liberation is only achieved through solidarity with a recognition that change must occur.

In what has become a global and historic civil rights movement, many have done their part to take on difficult conversations with those inevitably opposed to change: conservative family members, microaggressive colleagues, and yes, Karen herself. For some however, these conversations about the journey to reformation have started at home with those most intimate to them, their partner.

Curious to know how these conversations have been held between queer interracial/BIPOC couples, I asked some of them to highlight the ways in which the Black Lives Matter movement has (or has not) impacted their love language. Is there an awareness to love and respect each other in ways not thought of before? An accountability to communicate in a different, more progressive light? A recognition that, as queer folx, there are ways in which we, too, are responsible for growing?

‍Dillon Dyer & Stephen Thomas

Age: 29 & 34

Instagram/Twitter: @dillondyer

Dillon:

My Southern manners taught me to treat and love everyone the same. I noticed then, and even now, that many people there don’t always practice what they preach. This awareness pushed me to treat all people from a place of love, and Stephen and I both stand on [this] principle… The BLM movement has driven some meaningful conversations between the two of us. As we’ve talked, I’ve come to better understand the challenges the Black community continues to face. I will continue to stand by Stephen and listen to how I can continue to push this movement forward.

Jason Dick & David Herrera

Age: 28 & 25

Instagram: @phoebejeebiesnyc & @david.a.herrera

Jason:

This movement has made me more aware of the fact that we are in an interracial relationship. However, while we are in an interracial relationship, neither of us are Black. We are allies to the BLM, and this movement has made us have more conversations. More so David sharing and processing his own experiences with me listening and learning. It’s made me even more determined to improve my own allyship as a person with so much privilege. And my love for David definitely fuels that fire.

David:

‍I would say that BLM has greatly increased our need to support one another due to the current climate. Being Hispanic, I feel that I fall in a weird space during this movement. The issue isn’t directly about my skin color, but I don’t benefit from certain privileges Jason does. The BLM movement has allowed us to have conversations about our experiences regarding our skin color that we never really talked about before. As far as love, these past few months have presented great challenges and circumstances that have ultimately made our love for one another stronger.

Marvin Webb & George Ziegler

Age: 50+

Marvin:

The BLM movement has not caused a significant shift in our love language because, as an interracial couple, we chose to always speak about race and other isms upfront since the beginning of our relationship… Because of that foundation, our conversations around current events have been able to be deeper than most white folks who don't have that ability to have a deeper conversation with a person of color. I do think this time period specifically has allowed George to have a deeper understanding of the issues that I face. He has a more visceral reaction to and response for other white friends and family members who question BLM.

George:

‍After we married in 2015, Marvin moved from Brooklyn to Pennsylvania. In taking our walks around the neighborhood, Marvin would avoid strolling down an alley. At first, I dismissed this as an overreaction; however, as we have come to see, Black men are killed for merely walking down a street. This makes me sad, angry, frustrated and even depressed at times. To know that the man you love is not looked at by some through the same eyes hurts deeply. As our nation strives to overcome these all-important race issues, I know that Marvin and I will keep our conversations going, with more listening on my end.

Tyler Martin & Enrique Cavazos

Age: 28 & 27

Instagram: @tylerisaacmartin & @enriquegcavazos

Tyler:

‍Being an interracial gay couple that grew up in the South, the subject of race and discrimination has often come up. However, the BLM movement has empowered us to be bolder and to push each other to be louder. Even though we are college sweethearts who have been together for over eight years now, we are still growing with each other daily, finding new ways to empower each other’s voices, and holding each other accountable. As we hold hands, supporting one another, we use our voices, art, and love to fight.

Jacob & Eli

Age: 35 & 31

Instagram: @jaaase421 & @itshibiscus

Jacob:

‍The BLM movement and protests have made both of us more aware and vocal about the injustices the Black community faces. If anything, it has drawn us closer together as we have discussed issues, mourned unjust deaths, spoken out against racism, and conducted self-evaluations. At such a volatile time, it is a great comfort to have a loving partner with whom you can grow and fight for what is right.

Jay Wooden & Nate Stolldorf

Age: 38 & 32

Instagram: @jaywoo81 & @natess87

Jay:

My perspective of the world is different than most, including my white fiance. Our love language includes honesty and open communication without fear of judgement. Therefore, the BLM movement has presented an opportunity for us to dive deeper to fully understand our different world views and how that affects our relationship. The BLM movement itself has encouraged us to face hard truths of our realities head on, and we are grateful to be in a loving and committed interracial relationship where we can deepen our understanding of each other. More importantly, we can stand up and fight, together, for the change that is so desperately needed in this country!

Nate:

There are societal and familial pressures we need to contend with… We have to deal with people who don’t know our relationship but think they do. I can only hope that [those people] follow our lead, support us, and lift us up. I agree with Jay that I think the BLM movement has created more conversations and has strengthened our already strong relationship. Being white, I have work I need to do to be the best future husband and ally I can be. I will do anything, say anything, and walk in front of whatever barrier I need to to protect Jason.

Charlie & Wyatt

Age: 25 & 25

Instagram: @trinidaddycharlie

Charlie:

‍With COVID, we've been hunkered down South and have experienced these social and cultural upheavals amidst folks who don't feel the way we do. Such opposition has tightened the bond between Wyatt and myself - two white queer men - with me also being an immigrant. It's galvanized us to confront our white privilege and take a stand for our BIPOC brothers and sisters, and we've been further emboldened to stand up for ourselves with homophobic microaggressions. Days where we both feel overwhelmed over the injustices, we've had to increasingly rely on each other for support, to express, to rage, to cry, to connect.

Mark-Eugene Garcia & Rodrigo E. Bolaños

Age: 40 & 42

Instagram: @storytellerMG & @rodrigoebolanos

Mark:

‍Aside from being married, we are artistic collaborators in theatre. BLM made us look back at our own work and make sure that we are correctly representing the Black community. There have been some misses. Never intentional, but often unnoticed. For example, a show we created took place in Jackson Heights, Queens and ended up with a predominately white cast. In casting we felt we were being all inclusive, but never did we make sure we were portraying the community our show took place in… As we continue, we will make sure that the stories of our Black friends are told truthfully and with respect.

Benny Or & Cristian Shoemaker

Age: 29 & 34

Instagram: @bennyor & @cristian.andres.s

Benny:

‍While each of us individually have always valued diversity and inclusion, BLM has connected us deeply on that value and has aligned us with a common goal to contribute to the movement. In response, we’ve been working on “Black Art Matters,” a collaborative content series for social media that amplifies the voices of Black artists. The fight for equality has showed us the power that we own in being an interracial couple and we’re excited to bring upon real change in the world together.

{{video-inline-cta}}

There’s thick. There’s massive. And then there’s Boomer Banks.

Boomer Banks is not a newbie in the gay porn world; the mere mention of his name is enough to send shivers through one’s rectal walls. And so while his recent venture into OnlyFans is no surprise, it does add to his absolutely gigantic presence.

In addition to performing his specialty act (topping), Boomer sometimes goes above and beyond for extra credit, but there’s no brown-nosing here—the fleet water runs VERY clear. Boomer once described OnlyFans as a “farmer’s market for porn.” Turns out, he’s right—folks are hungry for farm-to-hole goods.

Photos

Boomer’s photo section exists, but it’s not exactly thriving. Around a dozen old photos make up the entirety of the menu in this section of the page. The photos highlight what broke Boomer into the industry, the three little words that when said in sequence will make your hole sing a song in A minor: large uncut dick.

They say the camera adds ten pounds, and it is clear exactly where they went. With each click through, you can hear a Bottom’s legs opening from outer space. These aren’t your run of the mill lying-in-bed dick pics you’ll get bombarded with on Grindr though; they at least have the idea of art direction, but not exactly the execution. Meaning you can see it from the front, side and behind, but they aren’t really geared to the horniness of this particular platform.

The boldest is a full frontal photo on a very busy NYC subway platform, but the public sexcapades pretty much end there.

Boomer once described OnlyFans sites as a “farmer’s market for porn.” Turns out, he’s right—folks are hungry for farm-to-hole goods.

Videos

The videos are what you came for (or to)! His experience in the industry gives all three of Boomer’s legs an up when it comes to knowing how to direct and produce content of his own. These aren’t just your standard homemade video clips that you share with crushes (“allow replay”) on Instagram, these are feature films. Videos average over 20 minutes long and many of them are really well produced! Cameramen! Lighting! Stage makeup!  As of now, there are only 17 videos on the site, but like bottoms who eat ass, they’re small in number but mighty.

In a video with Rhyheim Shabazz, Boomer bottoms while a large single picture of himself is displayed on a TV screen in the background. A level of narcissism I could really get behind, if it weren’t for the palm tree made of LED lights sitting on a meticulously placed towel in the background. Why is it sitting on a towel? Does it get watered? Is it about to bottom?

There is a lot of foreplay. This queen spends so much time on his knees you’d think it was a Catholic mass, but it is high value foreplay. You can even see some salt and pepper pubic hairs, something I didn’t know I was into until I witnessed it for myself. Locations are mostly under-decorated bedrooms and Boomer’s couch, with the exception of a very good public sex video featuring Max Adonis in the woods. There are no threesomes or group action on the page for those who like company, but there is plenty of passion. Boomer loves to kiss. With all the time he spends in other people’s mouths, he should offer dental insurance.

This queen spends so much time on his knees you’d think it was a Catholic mass…

{{video-inline-cta}}

Scene Partners

Boomer’s dick has seen more white cake than the institution of marriage. For all there is to say about an industry vet creating content that sometimes mirrors longstanding issues within the gay porn industry at large, Boomer’s success and existence alone are a challenge to the industry’s status quo, and his page features things you don’t always see in the work of larger porn studios. The page features work with two great performers Billy Vega and Trip Richards (both of whom are trans) in two of the best scenes of the page.

Boomer’s success and existence alone are a challenge to the industry’s status quo, and his page features things you don’t always see featured in the work of larger porn studios.

On the hole

The page covers a lot of ground for one that’s just getting started. His years in the industry can absolutely be seen in the work put out on the site. From editing to angles, Boomer knows his way around a camera. And at the current rate of upload, some really great content is to be expected.  The page delivers content the way Boomer delivers his sex: raw and uncut.

3.5/5 Fleets

Location: https://onlyfans.com/boomerbanks

Price: $$ (average)

Noise Level: Average

Average video length: 20-25 minutes

Production value: No Sandra Lee, but still semi-homemade.

Makes personalized videos/photos? Yes

Uploads regularly? Yes, weekly if not more often!

Top, Bottom or Vers? Vers but mostly top.

What the Fleets mean: Ratings range from zero to five fleets. Zero, is poor, failure or scam. One fleet is satisfactory. Two fleets is good. Three fleets is very good. Four fleets is excellent. Five fleets is superb.

In recent weeks, there have been numerous nationwide protests against the epidemic of racial injustice in the United States, including the unfair treatment of Black LGBTQ+ people. Many of the protests have resulted in several important laws and legislations being passed, all in favor of keeping Black queer people protected.

These marches take a great deal of time and work and rarely do those who organize them get the credit that they deserve. For Pride month, BLOOP profiled several of the organizers and activists who have put their lives on the line in the fight for equality and liberation.

There are so many reasons why Blossom Brown deserves their flowers. From calling out white supremacy at the CNN Townhall to leading several of the recent marches in Beverly Hills, CA, Brown is committed to being a voice for the needs of Black trans women.

When asked what it means for her to be an organizer, she shared that it’s about her not being afraid to get her hands dirty. “Being an organizer is about really getting down in the trenches and doing the work,” she says. “It’s about the deep learning that comes with this work.”

When asked what advice she would give to folks wanting to help organizers in the movement right now she says,  “I want people to know that this work takes patience”, she shared. “We have to make sure things are strategically implemented, but also we have to make sure things are consistent. Like, you can’t start and stop. You gotta be consistent because the work is consistent."

For this SoCal native, the work is something that Angie Balderas has always known. “It’s always been in my blood really,” she stated, noting that her grandfather and most of her family have been organizing since the days that she could remember. “My family was heavily involved in the Cesar Chavez movement and the work in the fields. My grandfather was a teamster and my uncle was part of the communication workers.”

As for the work that she is most proud of, she noted that much of it started in her own efforts to make education more accessible to marginalized people. “When I got back from California State University, Northridge, I was at San Bernardino Valley College and I just began organizing,” she says. Much of that work led her to be known throughout the Inland Empire region as a voice for queer people of color. “I saw the hate and I just knew I had to do something about it.”

When asked what advice she would give to folks right now who want to help organizers in the movement, she says to remember how important self-care in these movements are. “Always take care of you,” she stated, reminding us that this work can and will burn us out if we let it. “Life is already giving us a hard time, make sure you are taking care of you and each other.”

After years of being disproportionately affected by the prison industrial complex, Dominique Morgan made it their life’s work to make sure that no other queer Black/brown person would ever have to experience it. “Being an organizer for me is not just about being a voice,” they shared, “but about knowing the power behind your voice and who you can lead with it.”

As the Executive Director of Black and Pink, they have had many opportunities to help in life changing work. From providing services to the homeless to helping in abolitionist work, they are committed to making sure that queer people feel like they have a home no matter where they go. “I never want folks to feel like I did when I left the Nebraska Department of Corrections in 2009,” they said. “This is why I do what I do with Lighting House—to make sure that people know that truly safe spaces exist.”

{{video-inline-cta}}

When asked what advice they might have for folks looking to help in the movement, it’s about understanding how we got here and what it’s going to take to change it. “People need to understand history beyond what is taught in education,” they explained. “And when I say education, I am not just talking about college. We have to be committed to reading the work of Fred Hampton and Huey P. Newton. We can all learn from the words of Marsha P. Johnson. The information is out there. Don’t be afraid to sit in a room, shut your mouth and listen.”

For some activists, being an organizer is about the doing but for Matt Abularach-Macias, it’s a way of thought. “Being an organizer for me is a mentality”, he told BLOOP. “It’s about the ways in which you move throughout the world and more so than that, it’s about building long term power and changing the systems.”

As an UCLA alum who did a lot of organizing around the needs of marginalized students, they have rooted a lot of their work in the power of knowledge and how they can use said tools to dismantle oppression. “A lot of my time as an organizer is spent with me learning,” he states. “I know I have the tools to understand how the system of oppression is designed and how said design isn’t an accident. But, getting a degree helped me understand how power is tied to identity and the political aspect of my identity because, the personal is political.”

When asked about what advice they would give folks who are wanting to support the current movement, for them it’s all about listening more than doing. “In order for real change to happen, you have to be committed to listening,” he explains. “We have to recognize that shared experiences often help us better understand the problem. As you listen, you learn, and as you learn, you have a responsibility to do, right? The dynamic of the people isn’t singular—so with that, demonstrate solidarity in how you listen and respond to the issues.”

They often say that there is power in numbers. For Jason Rosenberg, doing this work means exactly that—even if that means putting himself in harms way for the liberation of the people. “For me, being an organizer is about showing up in full capacity,” he noted. “It’s about putting your body on the line and creating space in a really revolutionary and radical way.”

As someone who has had their hand in extensive moments of history that have helped the LGBTQ+ community progress, for him it’s not just about what he’s done, but about who he has been able to be in community with during the work. “I value the moments most where I have been able to be with our queer elders,” he shared. “They really guided how I show up and how I value the work we do to move towards greater liberation, Black/queer liberation.”

In speaking about about what people can do to help organizers in this current time, Rosenberg wants people to not be afraid to step up. “What we can learn from the protest surrounding Tony Mcdade and other trans women of color who are killed is that anyone can show up,” he expressed. “You can support  both spiritually and physically. Just show up and lend support in any way that you can. Now is the time to donate less to the HRC’s and the GLAAD’s and give more to the Black trans led groups that are really doing the work for housing, healthcare and economic justice. This is what the people need the most.”

In a recent interview with The Advocate, Jeff Bonforte and Rick Marini—our new CEO and COO, respectively—shared what brought them to Grindr and outlined their plans for the app in the wake of the acquisition. In the piece, Jeff identified three buckets the company will focus on as it works to better serve the LGBTQ+ community and make Grindr a more positive place for everyone:

User safety and security is one part of a three-"bucket" plan. It falls in the "tech stack" bucket, in which Grindr will undergo "a full top to bottom review" of its programming and data architecture, meaning how this information is stored.

The second bucket is product development: enhancing Grindr and adding new features "to try to continue to activate the community," said Bonforte. The possibilities for this activation are many. Grindr, he learned, is about far more than hookups. He reported hearing from users who missed Grindr's sense of community after they found a relationship and left it. There are also users who only open the app for travel purposes, another area he hopes to expand upon.

However, don't expect any sweeping redesign. "You have to be careful not to dabble with the core product," Bonforte said, adding, "We don't want to hurt Grindr. It's so good."

The last bucket is "internal culture," which Bonforte defined as "developing the team, making sure that the employee base does a great job of representing the community, and getting that voice at all levels in business."

On the topic of straight men running a queer app, Rick emphasized that Grindr’s new owners will be partnering with LGBTQ+ employees—and the community at large—for leadership and guidance on how to best serve Grindr users:

To this end, Grindr will "absolutely" be recruiting more LGBTQ+ people as line employees, leaders, and board members, committed Marini. Having LGBTQ+ people in the room is essential for "understanding the needs of the users," he stressed. Bonforte added that LGBTQ+ recruitment is just "good business" because it will lead to a better product.”

Head over to The Advocate for the full story. Welcome, Jeff and Rick!

{{video-inline-cta}}

For the past week, protesters have taken to the streets in major cities across America in a wave of indignation to condemn police brutality and anti-black violence.

It began on May 25th when George Floyd, a 46-year-old Black man, was killed in Minneapolis, Minnesota by a police officer. The officer, Derek Chauvin, kneeled on Floyd’s neck for over 8 minutes while he was pinned to the ground. After footage of the death gained attention on social media, protests erupted in Minneapolis demanding justice for Floyd.

The Minneapolis protests started peacefully but escalated when police fired tear gas and rubber bullets at protestors.

In the days that have followed, many more have gathered to protest in Los Angeles, New York, and other major cities to demand justice for George Floyd and an end to anti-black violence.  As protests expand across the rest of the country, the police have continued to provoke and escalate the situation.

In light of this, BLOOP has put together a number of ways to take action in support of justice for Floyd and the efforts of protestors, as well as materials to educate yourself on racial justice and how to be actively anti-racist.

1. Donate

Along with one-time payments in response to the protests, please consider a monthly donation that you can invest into long term.

1. George Floyd’s Family Fundraiser:
2. This fund will be used to help the Floyd family with funeral/memorial costs and to help the family continue to seek justice for George.
3. Ahmaud Arbery’s Family Fundraiser:
4. This fund will be used to help the Arbery family with funeral/memorial costs and to help the family continue to seek justice for Ahmaud.
5. The National Bail Fund Network:
6. Help protesters make bail using this list of bail funds for protesters across the country.  
7. Black Visions Collective:
8. A Black, Trans, & Queer-led organization that is committed to dismantling systems of oppression, as well as shifting the public narrative to support long-term change.
9. Black Lives Matter:
10. Join the movement to fight for freedom, liberation, and justice.
11. The NAACP Legal Defense Fund:
12. America’s premier legal organization fighting for racial injustice.
13. The Marsha P. Johnson Institute:
14. Protects and defends the right of Black Trans people.

2. Sign petitions

Much like the right to protest, petitioning is part of your First Amendment rights. A massive petition shows that people care about an issue and helps put pressure on the government to take action.

1. Justice for George Floyd: A petition to have the DA charge the cops involved in Floyd’s death.‍
2. Justice for George Floyd and Breonna Taylor: Color Of Change has two active petitions to charge the police officers involved in the deaths of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. ‍
3. Defund The Police: A BLM petition for the national defunding of police.

3. Social media Activism

This is an easy way to take action. Be intentional about posting authenticated news articles, petitions, websites, and more that help bring exposure to police brutality and anti-black violence. Here are a few tips.

1. Don’t be silent on social media. Speak up. Use your platform to seek justice for George Floyd. If you are uncomfortable writing something yourself then repost someone else’s words.
2. When you donate, share the link on your social channels to inspire followers.
3. Resharing photos or videos of protestors could get them in trouble with the law. Think carefully before reposting any video where law enforcement could I.D. someone.

4. Educate yourself

If you aren’t Black consider it an imperative to educate yourself on how to be actively anti-racist. Here are a few readings that will help you gain more knowledge on these issues:

The End of Policing: Alex Vitale
A book that shows how the police create problems they were founded to solve. A vital book that dissects the usefulness of policing itself.

White Fragility: Robin DiAngelo, phD
White fragility is described in this book as, “a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves.” This book details the mechanics of white fragility, and points to ways for white people to engage in racial justice.

How To Be An Anti-Racist: Ibram X. Kendi
A powerful book for anyone who wants to delve beyond peripheral awareness of racism in society to contributing towards the formation of an equal society.

White Rage: Carol Anderson
Documents the violent reaction of white society to every single one of Black people’s gains. A staggering account of racist history in the United States.

{{video-inline-cta}}

I was on Grindr before I knew I was gay. I mean, I thought I was gay, but I’d never dated or been intimate with a man before. So one night after a few too many vodka-Gatorades (don’t judge), I created a Grindr profile, complete with one—just one—photo of my headless torso, as most questioning men in the suburbs do.

Now, many years later, the app that pushed me to explore my sexuality is giving me the opportunity to do the same for others and, honestly, I couldn’t be more thrilled. Welcome to Gay Sex Ed, Grindr’s sex column for responsible, credibly-sourced sexual information for men who have sex with men (MSM).

When I came out, something I noticed straight out of the closet was the lack of legitimate sexual resources for queer people. This, on top of a sex ed curriculum that ignores queer people, means many of us have had to learn about sex through experience or word of mouth, which can be both dangerous and traumatic.

For the column’s inaugural entry, I thought it wise to choose a subject applicable to our current circumstance. Since sex with partners outside the home is prohibited, now is the time to be productive and train for the fateful day when you’re able to take a real life dick again. Fetch the lube, sweetie, It’s time to get your hole some exercise.

How to train your anus

The sphincter, like a bicep, glute, or quad, is a muscle and needs to be exercised in order to improve function and prevent pain. Think of it like returning to the gym after considerable time off. Your muscles are rusty, but after sticking to a regular training schedule, things gradually start feeling more comfortable.

In addition to making anal penetration more pleasureable, anal training can also help the body work toward larger toys, cocks, and other pleasurable forms of butt play, like fisting or gaping.

Training schedule

While there is no official schedule for bottom training, consistency is key since our holes are used to being closed tight for the majority of the day. Zoe Ligon, the “Dildo Duchess” and CEO of Spectrum Boutique advises that when you start training, you listen to your body instead of adhering to a strict schedule.

“Don't pressure yourself into a schedule that doesn't match up with what your body wants,” she says. “Awareness of physical sensations as well as bodily tension are key, so if you feel any rawness or see any blood, hold off and let yourself heal. Even if we take it slow, the rectum is delicate, and irritation/tears happen.”

Seeing red

Yes, unfortunately, even when taking all preventative measures, injuries can happen. The hole is a sensitive water sign.

“Blood, friction-y feelings, tension, cramping or clenching, and even mild discomfort should be taken seriously,” Ligon says. “Remember that you can eventually reach the colon with a long enough toy, so you must be cautious and gentle. When I’ve injured myself, it felt like a small discomfort at first, but upon completion it was very, very painful.”

If you see blood or experience any of these above sensations, stop what you’re doing. If there’s discomfort, try taking a warm bath with epsom salts for 10 to 20 minutes several times throughout the day, or use a warm compress. Drink plenty of fluids and eat fibrous foods to help make bowel movements less painful as you heal.

If the pain persists or worsens, consult a (preferrably sex-positive, queer-friendly) doctor.  

Lube up

Because the anus isn’t self-lubricating and the tissue is thinner and more sensitive than the rest of your skin, a quality lubricant is important. Silicone lubes (or hybrid water/silicone lubes) are a great bum-friendly option because they’re long-lasting, won’t evaporate, and don’t get absorbed into the skin.

I personally prefer silicone-based lubes since they have a similar texture to oil and are body-safe, but I should mention that these lubes cannot be used on silicone toys (basically, it just tries to liquify the device). “People love to use oils for anal play, and coconut oil is great if you're lubeless and needing a household alternative––just keep in mind that no oils are condom-compatible,” Ligon adds.  

Water-based lubes don’t have that same slickness, but a thick lube with a gel-like texture is a solid choice as it’s compatible with everything and is less likely to stain the sheets.

Necessary tools

There are thousands of toys and devices to choose from when prepping your pucker, but why not start with your fingers? They’re free, come in five different sizes, and can help you gauge what size and shape work best for your body before spending any money.

You can use dilation kits, which let you work your way up a series of toys with graduated sizes, or invest in a longer-term device like a prostate massager (linking to my personal fave), a dildo, or a butt plug. Again, you need to find your preferences in shape and size through exploration, since we all experience pleasure differently.

Whatever you do, make sure you purchase the items from a credible retailer, that the toy is made from body-safe materials, and that the toy has a flared base so they don’t get lost inside you (because your bum is a vacuum). We don't need any dildo emergencies in the hospitals right now!

Open wide

There is no such thing as too much lube, so apply it generously to both your finger/toy and your hole (for optimal comfort, invest in a lube injector to reach deeper in the anus), then slowly insert your finger or device until you feel even the slightest resistance.

“Tipping-in works much better than trying to insert something at a perpendicular 90-degree angle,” Ligon says. “That way you aren't ramming something against your sphincter and you're able to massage it open more gently. Once you're a little in, gentle swirling or side-to-side, up-and-down motions can help relax you further.”

When starting out, keep the toy inserted for roughly five seconds, remove it, and repeat 10 times for three sets. This will help ease your anus into the sensation of penetration at a speed and depth your body is most comfortable with.

If penetration isn’t your preferred training method, you can wear a butt plug for an extended period of time to get accustomed to the fullness of penetrative anal sex. However, it won’t exercise your sphincter the same way that active play with a toy does, which is more similar to the sensations of anal sex with a penis.

“Just be gradual in everything you do,” Ligon advises. “Some people require less warm up than others, so noticing sensations and relaxing matter a lot more than the specific length of time you play for. The more you do any sex act, the more awareness you'll have over the nuances in sensation. That is a more important skill that will lead to more pleasure than being able to take the biggest toy ever and going for marathon anal play sessions.”

Upsizing

Your body will tell you when it wants a bigger toy, Ligon refers to this sensation as a bum’s “size craving.” To test for a possible upgrade, try inserting a nail-trimmed finger alongside your toy and gauge how that feels. If you take it easily, that’s your green light to size up, queen! But if your body is resisting, you’re still in the yellow and should stick with your current toy.

“I personally discourage people from using inflatable toys because that's a great way to over-do it and injure yourself,” Ligon cautions. “I have seen some large toys in my lifetime, and as a large toy enthusiast myself, I personally knew when I hit my limit because I immediately yelled, ‘get this thing out of me now!’”

Have fun

Whatever your reason for anal training––to take a bigger cock or just enjoy anal penetration more––the rules are simple: use caution, start small and slow, use more lube than you think, and be consistent. If you can do that, you’ll be a cock destroyer by the time we’re allowed  inside each other again.

{{video-inline-cta}}

It seems like there isn’t much to laugh about these days: Covid-19, climate change, RuPaul fracking (okay maybe the last one)—everywhere you turn there’s more bad news. But one shining light in all the darkness has been the hilarious and refreshing Instagram posts of Leslie Jordan.  

The actor, known for shows like Will and Grace and films like The Help, has run up 3.8 million followers in a month from his Instagram videos, reminding us all that sometimes you gotta take sour apples and make pie. The catch phrase, “Well Shit...what are y’all doing?” followed by his gut-busting stories have given us all something to enjoy while we try to stay sane during self-isolation.

From anecdotes about Burger King to his thoughts on Tiger King, Jordan has used his wit and southern charm to win over a massive following. The real tea behind what makes the 65-year old star such a joy during these times aren’t just his Hollywood stories, but the interactions he has with his family while adjusting to his place of self-isolation in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

While Jordan says that he never planned to spend his time locked down in Chattanooga, it seems that he’s doing everything in his power to make the best out of it. In the last few months he’d been going between Los Angeles (in an apartment that he believed he shared with Tupac Shakur) and Tennessee to visit his family. But after learning that he was going to have to shelter in place, Jordan decided that it would be better if he spent the time in an Airbnb closer to his mother and twin sister. “I love my family dearly,” he noted in another video, “but if I hunkered down with them, we might kill each other!”

So, to pass the time, Jordan thought it would be fun to post videos to Instagram from his Airbnb. That’s when something magical happened. The mix of a well-lived Hollywood doll and southern “tell it like it is” diva was born, giving us all the content we were craving.

{{video-inline-cta}}

Earlier this month the star made fun of his new found viral moment, donning a suit and sunglasses while sitting with his hands in his lap. “You may be wondering why I’ve got sunglasses and a little suit on,” he said confidently to the camera. “Because that’s the way people dress who have one million Instagram followers.”

Each of the “categories” that he does in his videos adds to the flare of following him. “I’ve got categories I do,” he told The Washington Post, offering a little bit of insight into his world. “In one I might talk about George Clooney. In the other, I talk about my exercise regime where I use a back scratcher, because I have so many friends—especially in the gay community—who have rock hard abs and exercise videos. I said, ‘Well, I’ll do my own.’”

One of the joys of Leslie’s anecdotes is the insider information we get on stars he’s worked with. In what he calls “Pillow Talk,” he tells us about a time he got the chance to work with Ms. Faye Dunaway. “You remind me of my friend Tennessee Williams,” she once told him because of his amazing ability to tell stories. While he says that it was an honor to work with her, he ended the video by noting that she was, in fact, “Bat shit crazy.”

For most, what makes following Jordan such a treat is his down home humor and the stories he tells about what it’s like to be different. In one video, you get a story about what it was like to grow up gay, while in another he shares sentiments about how exhausting this quarantine is. No matter what Jordan shares, somehow, we all can relate.

“I’m not gonna tell you to wash your hands or wear a mask,” he says in one of his earlier videos. “My gift is to be funny”. When Jordan isn’t being funny or yelling at his momma, he’s showing us a more softer and tender side, reminding us that the only way we are all going to get through this is by being kind. “We’ve got to be kind,” he reminds us. “That’s just the way it’s gonna end, is that we’re gonna figure out we've got to all help one another.”

They say you’ve gotta laugh to keep from crying and we are so thankful to have Jordan’s Instagram stories to help us do just that.

Whenever I bump into someone I vaguely know at a gay bar, I know exactly which classic movie line to pull out the bag: “Deidre Chambers, what a coincidence!”

In P.J. Hogan’s 1995 movie Muriel’s Wedding, it’s used by the title character’s father, dodgy politician Bill Heslop, to greet his aggressively groomed mistress, Ms. Chambers, whenever she just happens to show up at a family gathering. If the person knows the line I’m quoting, I feel the unmistakable static charge of a shared cultural reference passing between queers.

Gennie Nevinson, the actress who so fabulously played Deidre Chambers, said a few years ago that “there’s obviously a cult of Muriel’s Wedding fans” and they’re “often gay guys.” This doesn’t surprise me at all.

‍

When I first watched Muriel’s Wedding on TV in the late 90s, I was a closeted gay teenager who hadn’t yet summoned courage to rent a recent LGBTQ+ film like Beautiful Thing or The Birdcage. The stingingly poignant story of Muriel Heslop (Toni Collette), a socially awkward young woman shunned by her sleeker peers in suburban Australia, really hit home. Like me, Muriel was an outsider whose taste in music deviated from the norm—she listened to ABBA instead of Nirvana, a preference I still endorse today.

When sister Joanie (Gabby Millgate) reproaches her with the iconic line “you’re terrible, Muriel,” I felt a kind of vicarious illicit thrill. Unlike Muriel, I hadn’t ripped off my family by using a blank cheque handed to me in good faith to pay for a fancy island vacation, but I had run up the internet bill by gabbing about Madonna in chat rooms for hours on end. We’re all rebel hearts in our own way, I suppose.

‍

\And unlike Muriel, my ultimate dream wasn’t to get married—for a gay kid growing up in the UK in the late 90s, marriage wasn’t even an option. But I could definitely relate to the way she equated getting a boyfriend with a sense of achievement, and how the ostentatious celebration of a wedding became a way of proving to people who looked down on her that she’d made it. Though Muriel is straight, not queer, she’s still different—and like all of us, she doesn’t want to feel “less than” because of it.

Muriel is also a liar, a scammer, and a thief, but she isn’t deluded: she knows full well that her marriage to handsome South African swimmer David Van Arkle (Daniel Lapaine) is a sham to allow him to compete for Australia in the upcoming Olympics. Even so, she approaches their lavish Sydney wedding with a sincerity that's both deeply touching and quintessentially camp. She even walks down the aisle to an ABBA song, helping to kickstart the Swedish band’s pop culture rehabilitation several years before Mamma Mia! came along.

In a way, Muriel’s great tragedy is failing to realize she’d actually made it before she got “engaged.” Reinventing herself as the less dowdy-sounding Mariel, she leaves her humdrum hometown, Porpoise Spit, and relocates to Sydney with her more adventurous best friend Rhonda (Rachel Griffiths). In the city, she gets a job, starts dating and begins to feel something close to happiness—it’s a journey towards becoming your best authentic self that any LGBTQ+ kid (or “Smalltown Boy,” as Bronski Beat once put it) will recognize.

{{video-inline-cta}}

"When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to ABBA songs," she tells Rhonda. "But since I've met you and moved to Sydney, I haven't listened to one ABBA song. That's because my life is as good as an ABBA song. It's as good as ‘Dancing Queen.’"

Although spinal cancer cruelly confines Rhonda to a wheelchair, Muriel still ditches her for David, forcing her friend to return to Porpoise Spit. Muriel’s redemption comes when she calls time on her marriage of convenience—after an unanticipated night of passion with her hunky husband that I’m definitely not judging her for. Reinstating her original name as a kind of mea culpa for everything she’s done wrong, she returns to Porpoise Spit with some of the money she owes her family, and a tacitly apologetic offer for Rhonda: Come back to Sydney with me.

The film’s exhilarating final scene sees Muriel and Rhonda shout “Goodbye, Porpoise Spit!” from a cab window as they head to the airport and the promise of Sydney. It’s a moment that any queer young kid who shakes off the shackles of heteronormativity in pursuit of something bigger, truer, and more exciting will still find rousing today, 25 years after the film opened.

‍

If you’ve never seen Muriel’s Wedding before and think Cher belting out “Fernando” in Mamma Mia! 2 is the last ABBA tribute you’ll ever need to see, I’d urge you to think again— Muriel and Rhonda deliver a storming performance of “Waterloo.” Muriel’s painfully messy but ultimately successful journey towards self-acceptance is what makes this film an enduring queer classic that’s definitely worth seeking out; “Deidre Chambers, what a coincidence!” is just one expression of its glorious campy poignancy.

Check out the trailer below.

Dear Dad

I’ve been masturbating so much in self-isolation and I feel like I’m completely bored with it now. The romance is gone. Any advice?

—Run out of juice

ROOJ,

I’m glad you brought this up because I have a tirade prepared that I was hoping I’d be able to use soon. Go with me on this: masturbating is not fast food, it’s a fancy restaurant. Too many guys treat this sacred time as though it’s the Taco Bell of activities—go in, grab your order, eat as fast as you can, have a stomach ache afterwards. No, I say. No, no, no. Masturbation should be a full-course meal at a fancy restaurant—you order a nice wine (poppers), pick a fabulous entrée (memory of getting fucked at Folsom), and slowly enjoy your meal while you sit on a butt plug. Okay, I lost the metaphor somewhere back there, but you get what I’m saying—masturbation is a time of self-care and love and should be treated as such. No quick fix—a new toy or a better porn site–will fix your libido if you aren’t investing in yourself. Masturbate less, but masturbate better.

My husband and I had to move in with his parents due to financial reasons. Our intimacy has suffered since then and I don’t know what to do. Please help.

—Intimacy denied

ID,

There is the famous saying, “Hell is other people,” but I think I’d go one step further: hell is other people’s parents. I kid, I kid…mostly. Obviously being stuck in someone else’s space, especially during a quarantine, is not an ideal situation—that you’re living with your in-laws only adds insult to injury. You’ve got all the ingredients for trouble in paradise, but if I’ve learned anything in this life it’s how to bone on the sly, so here are a few pro tips: take a shower together, the water will drown out your moans and you won’t even work up a sweat. Go outside, I had a multiple orgasm in a tool shed once, heaven. Use a ball gag, if a man cums in his room without making a noise, did he even cum? Do a drive-by, go out for a nice Sunday drive and blow him in the car. Now, if none of this works it’s time to bust out the big guns—buy your in-laws ear plugs and recommend that they use them before bed.  

{{video-inline-cta}}

I’ve been talking to this guy for a while now and we were supposed to meet up before the “stay at home” order. I haven’t seen anyone in a month, neither has he…can we meet up if we’re safe about it?

—Looking to connect

LTC,

Look, I get it, going through a pandemic is traumatizing, and going through one alone is also incredibly isolating on top of everything else. I, too, am in that boat, so I especially empathize in your wanting to meet up with a boy to...talk. However, it would be incredibly irresponsible to do so at this time. Your loneliness and desire for connection is valid, but lives are at stake. We have to sacrifice some personal desires for the greater good. Fortunately, physical touch isn’t the only way to connect with someone. If you really like him you should try calling or FaceTiming—not only will you get to know him better, but you’ll also be able to have phone sex. How do you think long distance couples make it work? Put your device to good use and blow his mind (and his load) with your scandalous wit, wicked tongue, and unlimited data plan. There are a million ways to connect, but for right now, it’s best to connect from home. Stay safe, LTC.

It feels like my boyfriend and I should break up. We’re fighting so much in quarantine, but he just moved into my apartment recently. I don’t know what to do.

—Stuck

Stuck,

Isn’t life so strange? It never fails to amaze me the way things fall into—and out of—place. When I was 23 I moved into a beautiful house with my partner. We had been together for three years and he was the one, no questions asked, so we splurged for our dream house: laundry, fireplace, backyard, even a fire pit! I had never lived so luxuriously. Two months later we got bed bugs. Everywhere. We had to pay four different exterminators and sleep on a cot in the family room for a month. By the end of it we could barely look at each other, so we broke up. We haven’t spoken since. I’m so sorry this is happening at such an awkward and difficult time, it sucks. Talk to your man openly and honestly, trust your gut, and then do what’s best for you both. Sometimes tough times reveal the solid foundation of a relationship, and sometimes they reveal the bugs under the mattress.

Remy Duran has been so omnipresent in the queer consicousness over the past few years that it feels like he’s always been there. From running Ty Sunderland’s infamous Love Prism parties, to being a contestant on MTV’s Are You The One?, to holding the dubious honor of being the most catfished man on Grindr, was there even a time before Remy was guiding us through the warehouse into the darkroom?

Being a queer NYC party personality is a full-time job—New York City nightlife is an artform all it’s own, and its history and heritage is well worth digging into. Recently, a new wave of party influencers like Remy, Ty, Aquaria, and others have added their own unique point of view to the NYC queer party scene. But with Coronavirus keeping everyone in self-isolation—the bars closed, the warehouses just warehouses, and the masses huddling in front of Zoom screens instead of Ty’s DJ booth—what does a nightlife star do when there’s no nightlife?

We're three weeks into official self-isolation, how are you holding up?

Being a nightlife person, I'm kind of losing my mind. I'm out of work, because nightlife...and I don't know when nightlife is going to come back, because that's the last thing that anyone's really going to care about. Everyone's going to be like, "Shut the fuck up, nightlife people. That's not the priority." And I miss hanging out with my friends, or just being low-key. I don't need a club, but I'm someone who's never in the house.

Are you self-isolating with anyone?

Luckily I am with my girlfriend right now, we're quarantining together. Before quarantine I was using Grindr as a place to find hot bi guys, or open gay guys, that was sort of my thing. It’s not easy to find bi guys...you would think guys would be up to have a guy, guy, girl threesome. No, it's the hardest fucking thing in the world.

That's not a tribe on Grindr.

No, I know. You guys should think about adding bi to your filters.

I will let them know your suggestion.

Much appreciated.

So, you consider yourself bisexual?

Have you dated more women than men?

Yes. I've only had one really serious boyfriend. I've casually dated boys here and there, but I've had multiple serious relationships with women.

When did you enter the gay nightlife scene?

I first got into the gay nightlife scene at 20. I was dating Andreja Pejić, but I was still, in my mind, thinking I’m a straight boy, she's a girl. I was just like, "Oh, my girlfriend's in the gay scene, because she's trans, cool.” It wasn't until after we broke up three years later that I realized you can send dick pics to gay men and then just go have sex. And that was pretty much that for me. That's when Grindr was newer, and I was recognizable from being out in the scene. Not in the gay scene, but just in the Brooklyn warehouse scene, and people would be like, "Oh, Remy?" And I would be like, "Oh, block, got to delete this." So I had to go on things like Adam For Adam, and dudesnude, because those, they're more--

You poor thing.

(laughing)

Yeah. Those are more down low, so I had to go there. And then when I finally came out, when I was like, "Okay, if I'm going to be out and really explore this, let me just jump all the way out..." I was on Grindr. And then I realized, I had never taken dick pics before, because I never needed to. As a dude who dated women, they didn’t wanna see that. And then I realized, guys need that. Especially as a top. So I started taking dick pics, and that's when everything started flourishing.

You’re known for your impressive member, can you give us a few tips on how to take a good dick pic?

I only have a few hard dick pics. Because the way my dick is, the curvature, it's not the most photogenic when it's the hardest. My trick is that you get it hard, and then on its way down, that's when it's perfect. Right when it's five-sevenths hard. But on the way down, not on the way up. That's the golden hour selfie. I have a good solid 10 that I've used throughout the years. And full-body ones with dick pic I'll update. But some that are just of my dick I haven't changed. I had a full-grown dick at 23, it's going to be the same at 28.

Classic dick.

Yeah. It's Remy's dick, it's recognizable.

What do you look for on someone’s Grindr profile? What’s that process like?

I go through Grindr profiles and I can pretty much gauge what people are looking for based on what they've written, what they put on a profile—whether they're looking for right now, or just sort of how sexually charged their profile is. And then I'll just send nudes and be like, "Hey, what's up?" And if they're interested, they respond. If they're not, they don't respond. And if they say, "Hey, I didn't ask for nudes," I'm like, "Oh, my bad. I apologize," and I say sorry and I block them.

Anything you don’t like on a profile?

The thing I hate on a profile is when people put what they don't like. It's just so negative. Just tell me what you're into. You don't have to tell me what you hate. You know what I mean? That's just like, "Dude..." And it's like, with Taps? You don't even have to click in the Taps tab!

(laughing)

We’re on such a fun topic but I haven’t even asked my second question yet.

I know, we just went on tangent after tangent.

What's your normal nightlife schedule look like when there’s not a pandemic happening?

Normal schedule is, I work six parties around the city. I work mostly GBU. I used to work NYJP a lot more, not so much anymore. But I worked GBU in Brooklyn, and that was every second and fourth Saturday.

What does that entail?

Oh, it's just naked clothes check. Just like a coat check would do, but I'm naked.

And then there's a dark room and dance floor?

The whole thing is a dark room. The first party of the month is underwear optional, and the second party of the month is naked only. You have to be naked to go in. It's a social party, there's a DJ, there's a bar, there's snacks, there's a room where it's definitely more speaking-oriented, getting to know people, and that's fine. It's not like, "Oh, dude, why are you talking, this is sex only." And then the rest of it is just a play area, a dark room. So, that's what I do, that's a good chunk of coin. Because I also get paid as a promoter for it.

Truly fascinating, do go on.

And then the other part of it is I work for Ladyfag sometimes, I've worked some of Susanne Bartsch's parties, but mostly I work for Ty Sunderland. Ty's my best friend. I'm the person who—not to say my friend group has somewhat of an ego—but we all sort of have our own stardom. I have the smallest ego, I'd say, as far as I'm willing to, if Ty needs someone to check stamps or wristbands at the door, I don't think I'm too much of a nightlife superstar to sit at the door and be like, "Oh, show me your stamp, blah blah blah." Because if I can help Ty's machine, if I can be the oil in Ty's gears going forward, then I'll do that.

{{video-inline-cta}}

Make it flow.

Yeah, yeah. And someone he can trust and rely on, and someone that will always be there. No "last-minute cancellations," you know what I mean?

Yes, that makes sense.

So, that's what I do. And now, it's just quarantining with my girlfriend.

At least you're not by yourself.

Yeah, honestly if I wasn't with her...we're in an open relationship. I don't know, I’m worried I would break quarantine and go see her, which I shouldn't be doing, or break quarantine and go get my dick sucked. But also, it's tough, because the clinics aren’t open, and I ran out of my extra Z packs. I mean, I don't know how other horny people are managing right now.

Would you say you have a pretty high libido?

I guess. I don't know, quarantine has made me extra horny for some reason. I'm not normally that horny of a person. I like to have sex because I like hot people, and I like having sex with hot people. But I'm not someone who has to bust a nut every day. I'm just like, "If you're hot, all right, whatever." And it’s the uncertainty of how long this will last, so you just have this sort of pent up tension.

Nightlife is how you support yourself, correct?

Yeah. But the good thing is, quarantine has been really great for my nudes business. Which I started on the side casually, because somebody wanted to buy nudes from me on Twitter. That's the one thing that’s good. Now that everyone's pent-up and horny and stuff, I've been posting a little bit more raunchier pictures, like bulge pics to entice them to buy content.

Where are you selling these?

On Twitter. I'll post certain things on Twitter, and I'll be like, "DM me for rates." I don't like posting prices on the timeline. I just sell it directly through DMs. And it's been great. People have been super horny, and I've been making sure I'm making a certain amount a day to keep everything afloat. I'm the only person that—my mom, she couldn't even work before, so she definitely can't work now. I'm the main supporter of the household. I'm the only person paying the rent, the lights, the food, everything for both of us. So I'm just making sure that I'm making content. And having said that, I am officially doing an OnlyFans at the end of the month.

You’re a renowned top, yes?

Most considerate top?

Top legend.

Do you get sick of this branding, or has it been good to you?

I think it's fun. I definitely made a name for myself. Back in... 2015, 16, 17 sort of was the prime of my...let’s say that I had the highest score on Grindr.

You beat the game.

I was definitely on the scoreboard. And I made a name for myself. I mean, I don't see myself as a sexy person. I think I'm handsome, I think I'm cute, I think I'm charming, but other people see it, and other people put that on me.  But, I think mostly it's fun. It's camp to me. I mean, honestly Grindr is my favorite app. And I'm always looking.  But I am that annoying guy on Grindr that's not looking for “right now” anymore. I had my first wave of discovering my sexuality, and my gayness, and hooking up with all these guys. And now I'm more selective. I definitely still am much more gay than I am straight, but I'm at a point in my life right now where it's much more quality over quantity. Whereas before it was just, "I want it all."

How are you practicing self-care during the quarantine?

I'm changing my diet! I was eating whatever before, but now I really have time to plan out my meals, and evaluate things. And Zoey, my girlfriend, is definitely helping. She's the juice queen, so we buy lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. I wake up, and instead of getting something unhealthy, we'll start with juice and a smoothie, and then get a substantial lunch. The first three weeks, I was sort of a couch potato. And I still somewhat am. But now I'm like, "Okay, it's been two weeks. I can't just do this, because then time is really going to feel like it's taking forever." We're going to do a whole cleanse.

What's the first thing you're going to do when you get out of self-isolation?

What do you miss most about New York City nightlife?

I just wish this shit happened when winter was starting. This is the worst time. Summer in New York City is when the city comes alive. That's when the city is most vibrant, and it’s own creature. Now I feel like we're going to miss all of it. We'll probably get out of this by September, realistically. And it's just like, "Okay..." And that's just the first wave, because I know this thing is going to come in waves. We're going to have to self-isolate again probably come December. You know what I mean?

Yes, I think we’re all dreading that anticipated second wave.

That's the one thing I’m scared to miss, that moment when summer starts and we all come out of our caves. That first day in the park, that first trip to Fire Island, all those firsts.

No coat check.

No coat check, absolutely. Yes.

What do you think about the attempts to bring nightlife experiences online during isolation? Have you heard of Club Quarantine?

Ty Sunderland's been doing a bunch. He did Love Prism. I get really bored with lives. I'm not someone who goes live often. I think it's cool that people are really engaging with it, and it's really helping them. You know it's funny, you would think that gays are the ones who are really wildin’ out and going crazy and getting naked. But it's the straight people, and all these celebrities' Instagrams, like Tory Lanez, they're having Club Rona on the weekend. Everyone's in there watching these girls twerk and do crazy shit, it’s really nuts. Gays just want to dance. We just want to listen to pop music. It's the straights that are going crazy.

We just want to dance to the new Dua Lipa.

Yeah, the new Troye Sivan too.

Do you think that Corona is going to affect NYC nightlife in the long term?

I don't even know what people are going to do. Obviously nightlife is affected, because how are these clubs going to pay rent, you know what I mean? I’m hoping they freeze rent in April. I get it, March, you shut it down mid-month, so we all had half a month to whatever. But in April, none of us really have been able to make money in a legal way. You have to freeze the rent. And, what is $1200 going to do? Not even just for single-payer renters, but what are bar owners going to do with $1200? They're paying tens of thousands of dollars for rent. What are they going to do with that? That's the thing people aren’t thinking about, but it’s a huge part of our culture. Bars are important places to let loose, socialize, interact, be human.

Are you working on anything right now besides your nudes?

Besides my naked body?

Besides working out the body for the people. The masses.

I've been writing a comic book for the past few years. It was on the back-burner because I’d been going through so much—people in my life passing, and a stressful relationship that I got out of, and then another friend passing—I needed to focus on being happy again, and I couldn't write because I couldn't be in the house. I needed to get out and be around friends. And being at home... it's different. Some people find solace in being home. I don't, because when you've been somewhere for almost 30 years, it feels like, "I need to get out of here. I've been here since the beginning of time." You know what I mean? But now I can sit down and take time out of my day and have a schedule. I'm not going out and getting paid to party and drink. I have some structure to sit down and write for at least an hour.  And also maybe get back into designing too. So, that's what I'm going to work on.

Do you have any thoughts about people still going to hook up during the pandemic?

I was on Grindr just this morning. I woke up early, and I was just checking it out, seeing what the situation was like. And someone was like, "Oh, well I already got it, and I'm recovered, so you can come over." I'm like, "No. No, hell no." I get it, everyone has needs, and some people are hornier than others, but just because you got sick, or you feel like you got it or didn't get it, it's really about taking care of other people. It's about not being in transit, and not exposing more vulnerable people. Because New York is crazy right now. At least wait until the last week of April before you break.

Baby steps.

Everyone is at an understanding that we're all stopped. And it's peaceful knowing that we're all in the same predicament, where we don't have to compare what we're doing to other people, and it's like, "Oh, this person is doing all this." Now we're all doing nothing. You know what I mean? There’s solace in that. It’s like, "Okay, I don't have to compare myself to others anymore. We're all struggling in this." So that's sort of the only sense of peace that I’ve had. Everybody's sort of on the same page, and we’ve all stopped focusing on ourselves and are focusing on what we can do for each other. That's kind of nice.