Reunited (and it feels so good)

Grindr was one of the first apps I downloaded in 2016 after I got my first smartphone and four months after my partner of 20 years died the day before my 53 birthday.

I managed to work my way around Grindr in no time: putting up pics, getting used to the lingo, giving people my nickname, and figuring out who was cool and who wasn’t. About a month after I joined, I talked to a guy who seemed sexy and smart, we had major chemistry, and by that afternoon he drove over 78 miles to meet me. I will say the sex was great. Afterwards, while we cuddled, I noticed that he’d taken a strange interest in the scar on my left arm. In fact, he was fixated on it. After a moment he rubbed his finger on the scar, looked up at me, and said my real name.

Now, except for family and long gone friends, I hadn't used my real name in almost 15 years, and I’d been using a nickname on Grindr. Who was this guy? When I asked him his name, I was floored—it was my ex-boyfriend of thirty years, George. We laughed for a good ten minutes about how I got that scar thirty years ago, and caught up on the past three decades of each other’s lives. I couldn’t believe I was reunited with a friend when I needed one most. We still hangout, and on occasion, have the best sex ever as well.

Running errands

One time my boyfriend got a message from this tatted Latin man named Vince telling him to come over. At the time, my boyfriend and I were running errands in my car, so my boyfriend told Vince he was with a “friend” and Vince told him the friend could come along and watch. Vince said he would be waiting fully naked with the door open, and he was not exaggerating. As we pulled up to the address Vince was standing in front of his house fully naked with his cock flopping around the highly visible street.

Vince greeted us at the door and my boyfriend instantly got on his knees and began blowing him. This prompted me to get on my knees and start sucking his balls. A few minutes into the double blowjob Vince told us another man would be joining in. The man ended up coming a few minutes later and turned out to be a high school sports coach, bearded and hairy, yum. He approached my boyfriend, who was on his knees, whipped out his hairy cock, and shoved it deep down my boyfriend’s throat.

As I gagged and choked on Vince’s fat sausage, my boyfriend and the coach both came at the same time—the coach inside my boyfriend’s throat and my boyfriend all over the floor. Meanwhile, Vince started moaning loudly and shaking, shoving his cock further down my throat until he released deep inside me. The coach pulled up his uniform shorts and headed back to school as me and my boyfriend got up, thanked Vince, and continued our ride around town.

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Las Ramblas Rumble

The first man I ever met from Grindr gave me one of the hottest experiences I’ve ever had. I was in Spain on vacation with my parents for two weeks exploring the country. One night while we were staying in Barcelona my parents went to bed early, and I was feeling restless, so I downloaded the app. I started talking to a man named Mateo—he was an art student from Madrid who was staying at his friend’s place in town while they were away. He invited me to come over and hang out.

I walked down Las Ramblas a few blocks until I found his flat. He came down and opened the door—I was taken by his moody eyes and an impish grin, and was immediately transfixed. His flat was antiquated and charming and looked out over the sprawling street. He poured us wine and we began to kiss mid-conversation. He asked if he could bathe me. I said yes. He poured a bath and undressed me, kissing and caressing every part of my body, taking my cock in his mouth and sticking his tongue deep inside my ass. Then he put me in the bath and used a bar of soap to lather my whole body, washing my pits, my cock, my chest.

After he was done washing me he got me out of the tub and dried me with a towel, then he whispered in my ear, “I want to be inside you.” He laid me on the bed and pushed my back down so my ass was sticking high into the air, then he stuck his tongue so deep inside me I let out a gasp. His tongue was so big it felt like a cock. He ate me out for a long time and then I felt his hard cock brushing against my leg...he was ready. He brought my ass down, entered me, and began whispering to me while he slowly worked up a rhythm of thrusts.

He pulled my hair back as he pushed his cock deeper and deeper inside of me. I was so close to cumming that I couldn’t even touch my dick. After pounding me for what felt like hours he pulled out and grabbed my hand—he took me to the balcony overlooking the street and leaned me against the railing. He entered me again and I emitted a soft cry out into the vacant city. He told me to scream his name while he fucked me. I started softly mewling, “Mateo!” out into the night air, but he wanted it louder, so he pulled my hair and told me to scream his name.

He was so deep inside of me and I was so close to cumming that I let out a guttural: “MATEO!” As I screamed his name in the early morning light we climaxed. Mateo then led me back into the bedroom and laid me on the bed—we fell asleep together and I crept out in the early morning.

We’re all familiar with their their endless vacations, effortless thirst-traps, and self-deprecating-but-not-really captions, but does anyone ever take the time to ask an Instathot what’s actually on their mind? That’s about to change, right now. In this edition of #ThoughtsWithThots, we’re asking some of our fave unabashed thots the age-old question:

Should you have sex and then go to dinner, or start with dinner and then have sex? More importantly, why?

The Top Thot: @Remdelarem

“Sex almost always comes before dinner, and usually not in the same night. If we have sex and then dinner immediately after we might as well be in a relationship at that point. Sex always comes first cuz what are we, heterosexuals? We do things the gay way around here!”

The Funny Thot: @ihatejoelkim

“I’m firmly team fuck-then-eat, not because of any misconceptions about how the meal could affect anal, but because of the real threat of a conversation completely ruining sex.”

The Body-ody-ody Thot: @barrette_

“If the other person insists, I’ll do dinner first, but if it’s up to me, sex before dinner.

Especially if he’s hung and i’m tryna wreck that thrussy. trust me. cleaning up partially digested chicken parm off his 11” tall can is not the look. 🥴 Also, sex first, because if you’re not into it, you can get off, then skip the dinner & small talk. It’s a win-win.”

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The Nude Lip Thot:  @Madisonnwerner

“Dinner and then sex. Wine and dine me, honey! I think it’s super cute to connect with your partner through conversation before letting him have allllll the access. Feels more real and important that way... if I feel like he’s attracted to me in more ways than just sex, I have more fun when we do it.”

The Zaddy Thot:  @Thegarrettswann

“I could be a prude and say have dinner then sex, but let’s get real, most men I know want to dive in the sack first. The truth is I'm more driven by sex first then the meal. The benefits are:

1. You’re more relaxed for dinner after having sex
2. Sex increases appetite
3. Post-sex usually leads to good dinner conversation and a laugh at what just happened
4. Sex on a full stomach is never fun
5. After dinner, you get a great good night kiss”

There’s a lot of information out in the world right now about COVID-19. So much so that it can be pretty overwhelming—how do we decipher what’s fact and what’s fiction? While navigating the influx of daily updates can be difficult, especially if you are a person who keeps up with every press conference and news article, there’s a doctor in Los Angeles who’s made it his mission to ensure that the LGBTQ+ community has the vital information they need to stay informed, stay safe, and stay hopeful.

For Dr. Leo Moore, Medical Director for Clinic Services at the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health, this hope means using his degree for the good of the community—something that he says he learned from his family. “I was raised in a family of nurses,” Moore laughs, saying that care for the greater good was something that he always centered in all of his work.

“I always knew I wanted to be a doctor,” Moore notes, expressing that for him the dream started at the age of five. “I’ve always been interested in helping people and I knew that I could do that by going into medicine.”

After medical school at Morehouse School of Medicine in Atlanta and a residency at Yale’s Primary Care department of internal medicine, his focus on ending the HIV epidemic in the Black and Brown community is where he first noticed that so many people lacked access to someone in medicine who could advocate for their wellbeing.

Now, Dr. Moore is using both his knowledge and his platform during this COVID-19 pandemic to do something that’s essential for the LGBTQ+ community: provide well researched and practical information. Through his series “The Practical MD”, Dr. Moore is helping the LGBTQ+ community get answers to the questions that cause them concern during this time.

“You know, when I heard about COVID-19, my first thoughts were that not only did this escalate quickly, but how hard it would be for some folks to get access to the accurate information,” Dr. Moore notes. “I was also worried about how folks were going to get access to proper testing if they got sick and proper access to quality care.”

It’s not just concern over the spread of the virus that’s driving him to step up, but also the spread of misinformation. “I am always worried about how information is getting back to marginalized people,” Dr. Moore shares, “but more, how this was going to affect queer/trans people of color, the homeless, and the undocumented.” For Dr. Moore, it’s knowing how marginalized groups are usually hit the hardest when these types of events happen.

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“I knew that this pandemic was going to have a greater reaching effect and implications on LGBTQ+ people,” Dr. Moore says, noting that this pandemic shouldn’t be taken lightly by the community. “Queer people and queer people of color could be severely affected by this because many—particularly queer people of color—are often on the margins and don’t have the support and resources they deserve.”

And Dr. Moore is right, considering the statistics that were just announced by the Human Rights Campaign—17% of LGBTQ people lack health coverage and one in five LGBTQ+ people have not seen a doctor when they need to because they couldn’t afford it.

“It’s important for me, as a provider and a physician, to help people make good decisions for themselves,” he says, highlighting how even in a short amount of time COVID-19 has done a number on the community. “COVID-19 has already devastated the livelihood of a lot of people and I anticipate that we will have a lot to consider in the next few months. While the government is talking about it and seemingly working to ease the tension, there are still a lot of people with a ton of questions.”

What’s important for Dr. Moore is knowing that he is in a position to help end the mass confusion and fear that everyone has around this virus. “Hysteria is rooted in misinformation,” Dr. Moore shares, stating that he hopes to use his platform to change the rhetoric around COVID-19. Knowing and understanding the tumultuous relationship that LGBTQ+ people have had with the healthcare industry, Dr. Moore wants to be the link in mending ties.  

“There is a lot of mistrust in the LGBTQ+ community when it comes to doctors,” Dr. Moore says. “And the government is often connected to medicine, right? We know the history—it goes back to the ‘80s and the start of the AIDS epidemic. There is a history of medical mistrust. But the only way to ease that concern is to get clear, concise, and well-informed information.”

The goal for Dr. Moore is simple: to provide practical information that is going to make people feel like they have someone in their corner, something so many people need during this time. Dr. Moore’s message and work is about giving people, specifically LGBTQ+ individuals, access to information from someone they can trust in a time where misinformation is prevalent.

So what does Dr. Moore hope to achieve with their new platform? “I want people to get information that isn’t just opinion, but evidence based,” he says. “I not only want to advocate for those who don’t have the answers, but I want to change the way we think about COVID-19. We need more stories highlighted in the media about the amount of people who are recovering and returning to their everyday lives. COVID-19 does not equal a death sentence. I just want people to know that. ”

Now that is some practical advice. You can find out more on Facebook and Instagram.

*Dr. Leo Moore is a public health advocate and all views and opinions expressed are his own and not a representation of the LA County department of health.

Read of the Month: Danez Smith’s Homie

We’re kicking off our monthly reading series with Danez Smith’s Homie, a book of poetry that bursts with unbridled joy and sexuality, even while sharply surveying the current landscape of racism and violence in America. Through the grace and power of Smith’s words, Homie brings to life a world where survival, friendship, and hope all intersect to form a kaleidoscopic vision of present-day realities. Press play above to see them read an excerpt, and dig into our interview below for more on how Homie came to be.

PATRICK: Homie came out yesterday (Jan 21), congratulations. How does it feel when something so personal goes out into the world?

DANEZ:  I think I made my peace with being an artist whose work exists in the confessional realm a long time ago. I  just realized that to make art was always going to mean giving up a little bit of myself or revealing the personal in every little bit of what I do, whether it is actually about me or not. I think that was just part of being an artist for me, or at least like how I think about my own art. And so, yeah, I'm at peace with it. I guess it's not too bad. Because I always know that as personal as the art can be there is always a self that is not up for consumption.

PATRICK: This is now your third major work. Does releasing it feel different than the first or second book?

DANEZ: Oh, that way is the same every time. I think I was hoping that by now it would feel different. You're always on pins and needles and you hope that a book will touch people in the ways that you never expected and you always hope that your art is going to be useful and felt by folks. It's always scary to have new work coming into the world.

PATRICK: I'm obsessed with writer’s schedules as, I think, are most writers. What does your writing day look like? Do you have any rituals?

DANEZ: Hm, I don't have any rituals. I think writing happens however your life looks at the time, you know? I guess that is to say that I've had rituals in the past, but that it changed with the season.

PATRICK: What was the writing process for Homie?

DANEZ: I don't remember. It's too much. It's like, you live your life and it's about what other things need your attention and time, whether your relationships are at peace or your friendships, or your family. What’s going on with your health or your money? If it was tax season, do you need to stress about that for a little bit? Maybe not as much writing happens. Everybody wants to know, “How do you get it done?” You just sit the fuck down and do your writing. It's a discipline. It's an end like whatever your life looks like. Then you look for the areas in which you could write into, sometimes that happens abundantly, and sometimes you're writing for like 10 minutes in the dark hours of the morning or right before bed. Sometimes you're writing on the train on the way to work. And so, you know, I think that the trick is just if you’re a writer you write.

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PATRICK: The book Homie actually has two titles, why?

DANEZ: Because I could [laughing]. I didn't know if it was bold or spectacle to actually put “my n**” on the front. And I think I was very conscious about the publishing industry and about who buys, you know, what is the mechanism in which books move and who reviews those books and advises books and all that kind of stuff. I also didn't want non-black folks to do with the N word, and my book, what they do with it in hip-hop: which is to enjoy it. So I called it Homie, which I think is also a true title for the book. There is this sort of wall, you know, through the type of the second title page and the little office note that kind of addresses, like, hey, you are more than welcome here. You know, there's some champagne in the back and just like, watch your mouth. You know, don't touch the good stuff.

PATRICK: You use humor a lot in these poems. Is that important to you?

DANEZ: I don't think my first book was very funny. “Don't Call Us Dead” has some moments of dark humor, or maybe call it camp? Even within those heavy poems it’s sort of like laughing at a funeral. It’s like somebody laughing at a very dark German fisting porn.

PATRICK: My favorite type of humor.

DANEZ: Yes, my favorite too. I think part of the engine for Homie was writing through joy and I think inviting humor into the situation because I think humor is one of the ways that we can touch joy easiest. And plus, I feel like I'm pretty fucking funny. I think I'm on a mission to find a voice in poetry that feels indistinguishable from my own, and as I've moved and walked through the world, I’ve realized that humor is something that makes me feel more like myself.

PATRICK: I want to talk about “On Faggotness” because it concerns one of my favorite subjects: faggots.

DANEZ: Yeah, I guess, I identify more with being a faggot than I do with being gay, and I think it's because faggot, um, or even just like capital Q queer, really signals political position as well. I like the attitude of “fuck trying to inch towards normalcy.” I think the end goal for queer rights is far beyond, you know, adoption or marriage. Not saying that it can’t include that, but that I never want the desire to make queer look as close to straightness as possible. Cool faggots move the world. Who are faggots? I think that poem isn’t done yet. I think it's just like, you know, it feels like a poem in the middle of several columns to me. You know, how can these old ladies at the gym be faggots? How are me and all my friends faggots in different ways? What is it that makes a faggot, a faggot?

PATRICK: “My President” almost subverts the expectations of the title to celebrate instead of deride. What made you explore this path?

DANEZ: I realized, or I guess I kind of always knew, but it’s always kind of been like, fuck the President. Even the “good ones.” I wanted to subvert the idea of what a president could be like—it's just a person who you follow. And who do I actually follow, but the people who I live amongst and create amongst, and walk alongside and who actually make the living happening, little by little, every day. Those are the people that you follow, like fuck all these presidents, right? It’s just that the Presidency has never had our best interest in mind.

Move over, Oscars—awards season isn’t officially over until a gaggle of celebs unite in Hollywood to celebrate the biggest stars in the queer community. No, I’m not talking about the Str8UpGayPorn Awards…I’m talking about The Queerties. We hit the red carpet at this year’s soirée to ask the question on everyone’s mind: “What is the gayest thing that happened to you this year?” Dig in below to find out about Willam’s favorite Palm Springs activity, the time Ira Madison met Wendy Williams, and so much more.

What is the gayest thing that happened to you this year?

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Dear Dad

What’s the best way to friendzone someone you’ve been hooking up with?

—In the zone

In the Zone,

Befriending a hook-up is a noble and worthy cause, like using metal straws or putting the “coexsist” bumper sticker on your car. One clear way to let a gay male know that you’re not attracted to him is to call him “girl” or “sis.” You know what I mean, gal? The minute a tall drink of water calls me “girl” my eyes start darting around the room seeking my next victim. You could also show him pics of guys you want to fuck. Not exactly the gentlest way, but he’ll definitely get the picture. Once he realizes you’re on to greener pastures, hopefully he can get on board and you can be gal pals to the end of your days.

My dad’s best friend and I have been flirting for two months, is it cool to have sex with him?

—Daddy’s boy

Daddy’s Boy,

Hey, isn’t this the setup to the last CockyBoys video? Ya know, this week’s theme was meant to be about having sex with your friends, but this is too good to pass up. As a man of a certain age, the thought of my kid sleeping with one of my friends makes me want to die. However, I am aware that boys will be boys. If you feel safe and you don’t think your father will find out, why not? Better yet, if you’ve got an open and honest relationship with your father, why not just ask for his blessing? My only caveat is that if your father is a gay male and he’s slept with this man before, absolutely no. That would just be weird.

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My friend and I recently hooked up and I’m have feelings for him, but I’m scared about ruining our friendship. What should I do?

—Friend or more

Friend or More,

I get this question a lot. People are always worried about exploring relationships with friends, mostly because they’re worried it could potentially ruin the friendship, but also because, in my opinion, they know it could lead somewhere fantastic. I think fearing a friendship will be “ruined” is a tad misguided. Relationships evolve; if your relationship with a friend is evolving into something more, something deeper, that’s a beautiful thing. After the romance fades, when you’ve explored your sex life to the furthest reaches of the universe and the honeymoon period has faded into the distant horizon, what you’re left with is friendship. Starting from a place of friendship is like having the strongest foundation possible for a relationship. Don’t pass up the chance to explore out of fear. If you really believe you have feelings for them, reach out and touch...something. You never know what’s waiting on the other side of friendship.

My best friend just slept with my bf (we’re open) but didn’t tell me. How can I approach him about it?

—Prickly Sitch

Prickly Sitch,

I’m so bummed to hear about this situation. Obviously if he was a true friend he would have asked you before engaging in sexual relations with your bf. And then there’s your bf—I can’t imagine that him having sex with your best friend was ever on the table? This is a prickly situation and I’m sure you’re feeling upset and reactive, but keep your wits about you so you don’t make the situation worse for yourself. Talk to both parties and see what happened. Was it a drunken mistake? A stupid crush? It’s best to find out specifically what’s going on. If it was a mistake that they both regret, then you need to decide if you have it in you to forgive and move on. If it is something else, or part of a bigger pattern, then this might be a good time to re-download Grindr.

Did any of that make sense to you? If so, pat yourself on the bum for being Grindr fluent. But for those who just saw a bunch of letters, allow us to welcome you to the world of queer dating. If you want to get the most out of the apps, you’re going to need to speak the language. Dig in below to discover the acronyms, abbreviations, and other lingo that’s become an inescapable part of the Grindr experience.

A

ANON — Short for “anonymous.” Probably won’t be exchanging phone numbers with this one.

B

Bator — People who tend to enjoy masturbating with others over penetration.

BB — Bareback (sex w/o a condom) 🤠

B/D — Bondage and/or domination. Feeling kinky?

Bear — A larger, typically hairy, gay male.

Bttm — A bottom, or the person who is penetrated during anal sex.

C

Can’t Host — Can’t have ppl over to hookup, possibly has a roommate, or parents.

Closeted — Not publicly out.

D

Daddy — An older gay male who is lusted after by younger men.

Discreet — Someone who values their privacy (could be closeted). Good luck getting a face pic.

DL — Downlow or closeted.

DP — Double Penetration: two penises, one hole.

F

Facepic only — Don’t try and message with just a torso profile.

Free Later? — You will never hear from this person again.

FWB — Friends with benefits (the main benefit being sex).

G

GH — Gloryhole; a hole in a public place where one can insert their penis and receive an anonymous blowjob.

H

Horned up — Aggressively horny.

Hookup — Meet up and have sex. Duh?

Hosting — You are willing to have someone over to your place.

Hung? — This person is a size queen.

I

Into? — No, this is not a question about your favorite hobbies. They mean what are you into sexually.

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J

J/O — Jack off.

Jock — A gay man with an athletic build who is into fitness and/or sports.

L

Leather — A gay man involved in the gay leather subculture.

👀— Looking (for sex)

LTR — No, this is not about Lord of The Rings. LTR means long term relationship.

M

Masc4Masc — Something insecure ppl put on their profile.

💆‍♂️— Fancy a massage?

Milk — What some gay men call semen. Good for your bones!

More pics? — This person can’t tell if you’re their type just yet.

N

Nice — This person is not interested. Sashay away.

NSA — No strings attached (don’t get comfortable).

No Taps — This person has some sort of inexplicable problem with receiving compliments.

NPNC — No pic, no chat.

O

Otter — Gay ppl with fur who run on the lean side.

P

Pig 🐷— Pits, fluids, body odor. Also see: Raw Only.

R

Raw Only — No condoms during anal sex.

RN — Right now.

S

Safe — A fan of safe sex practices: condoms, PrEP, etc.

Showoff — Ppl who want to have public sex.

T

Thicc — A body-positive bigger guy.

Travel — Either on a vacation or lives with his parents.

Twink — A young, hairless gay man.

U

UC — An uncut penis.

Unicorn — A single male who likes to sleep with couples.

V

Vers — Top and bottom bunk.

W

WS — Watersports. Urine for a treat!

Can’t stop crying? Thinking of sending a d**k pic to your ex? Looking for 5’s when you can pull 7’s?? Stop in the name of self love. Self-partnering guru Travis Coles walks us through how to survive Valentine's Day with the only one you need: yourself.

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We all know that the best Grindr chats come from the heart, and that’s why this edition of GRINDR CHAT is so special—it’s all about the heart. Yes, the rumors are true, it’s Valentine’s Day! To celebrate cupid’s reckless arrow, we’ve rounded up some V Day-themed Grindr convos that shock, titillate, and ultimately make us cry…with laughter.

Thank you @Zachnoetowers for curating these pieces of modern (he)art for us.

The hopeless romantic

If you really loved me you’d know the fastest way to my heart is through the ATM.

The children are the future

It’s so beautiful when two people can talk about kids so early in the relationship 😍

The Five Love Languages

Sometimes your sweetheart knows just what to say to brighten your day. Awww.

Film gays

We all know those gays who see everything opening weekend.

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French Kiss

There’s nothing better than romance abroad, even if it’s just your next door neighbor’s apartment.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

Metaphor is such a magical device to enhance your romance 🌹

Super Smash Bros

Nothing more romantic than playing “video games” with your bros!

Cupid’s arrow 💘

You never know what Cupid’s up to, that is one crazy mf.

Share your whole heart

“Tis’ better to give than receive” — someone not on Grindr.

The Giphy that keeps on giving 🎁

Always sent with stoopid love.

The perfect man doesn’t exi—

Picture this: It was my 18th birthday. I triple-checked the lock on my door, slid into bed, pulled the covers up, grabbed my phone and proceeded to...download Grindr. Yeah, you heard that right. I didn't have a normal 18th birthday; I didn’t head to the gas station excited to buy a lotto scratcher or hop over to the grocery store to buy a pack of cigarettes while my friends giggled behind my shoulder. I downloaded a gay dating app.

I was ready to enter the world of what I thought was "gay manhood." I think in that first hour I messaged every person on the grid with an annoying "HWYD?" message. Typical Grindr newbie contributing to the stereotypical behavior people complain about on the app. My search came to a quick end when I woke up to a very pixelated photo of a cropped torso with washboard abs named Jeremy. I thought this was going to be my literal future husband. Don't judge me...I was oppressed...I got aroused from staring at TJ Maxx catalogs. Little did I know then that Jeremy was not exactly the man of my dreams.

I was having the time of my life, talking for what felt like years with Jeremy (8 hours in gay time). He knew my favorite color and liked the same genre of movies as I did. I was in love before I had even seen his face. Suddenly, as I was discussing my favorite Sailor Moon episode, he asked me the dreaded question..."any more pics of you?" I immediately responded with "yea, yea. of course!" Five minutes later he said "well? where are they?" I didn’t know what to send. So what does any 18-year-old do? Takes his shirt off and sends a dirty mirror selfie that still haunts him (me) to this day.

But guess what y’all? I was being catfished, if you haven’t caught on. But here’s the twist: I wasn’t being catfished by some random seedy creep looking to fill his spank bank with fresh nudes. I was being catfished by none other than my bible-thumping, Jesus-loving MOTHER. I haven’t heard that woman run up the stairs to my room faster in my entire life.

I was getting ready to leave for college in a few months and boy were those final days in the house awkward. I had to go to church every Sunday and read scriptures on sodomy and adultery, and for a second there I was beginning to think that I was being “fixed” during those Sunday morning services. That didn’t last long, though, after I laid eyes on who I thought was going to be my future husband (see a pattern here?). He was none other than the pastor’s son. Spoiler alert: we hooked up...A LOT.

Needless to say my mother and I are now great and she loves every future husband of mine (they basically change every other week). She still has the picture saved that I sent to “Jeremy.” She brings it up every holiday, and I am reminded that my mother once thought that hitting me in the head with the Bible one afternoon would actually knock the gay out of me. Lol, good times...

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Drop it like it’s hot

I hooked up with a new guy a few weeks ago and after sex as we stood to get dressed he started telling me about his stressful job at a Hollywood agency. Frankly, he was kind of monologuing in an obnoxious way, but it seemed like he really needed to get some stuff off his chest so I let him go off. In the middle of a story he was telling about his monstrous boss, a nugget of shit dropped out of his ass and landed with a loud plop on the floor. He paused for a second and then kept talking. I had no idea what to do so I pretended that it didn’t happen and averted my eyes from the poop that was lounging between his feet. We never mentioned it, and he kept monologuing until he left. I then swiffered my floor and went to bed. Weird night.

Marketing “meeting” in the supply room

Last year I got on Grindr while at work and saw that my co-worker, Chris—who I thought was straight—was online. Chris is 6’4, ruggedly handsome, and has the thickest legs I’ve ever seen. He oozes sex. I don’t know how I got the courage, but I sent him a “hey.” He didn’t respond. I was super bummed, not just because he ignored me, but also because now I would probably feel awkward at work.

I avoided him the rest of the week like the plague, but that Friday, right as I was heading to lunch, Chris came up to me and started asking about my week. We chatted for a minute, and then he said, in his regular work voice, “Would you like to swallow my load?” I nodded and he told me to meet him in the supply room in five minutes. I went back to my desk and counted down. My stomach turned over again and again. Four minutes. Three minutes. Two minutes. One minute. I crept over to the supply room and opened the door—Chris was there leaning against a shelf of printer paper. “Get on your knees.” I shut the door and got on my knees.

Chris unzipped and pulled out a semi-erect dick the size of a small nordic country. I must have looked scared. “Are you scared?” he asked. “Yes.” “Good.” He grabbed the back of my head and filled my mouth with his massive cock. He grew bigger inside of me. I could feel it growing down the back of my throat, filling my entire mouth. My eyes watered. I gagged. “Good boy.” He pulled out and let me catch my breath before he entered me again. He face-fucked me hard for a few minutes until I couldn’t breath. I gagged and pushed him out, his cock still connected to my mouth by a string of saliva. “Are you hungry?” he asked me. “Yes.” “I’m going to feed you.”

He filled me again, his cock harder this time. His dick was so big that tears started streaming down my face. Over and over his cock slid in and out of my throat. Finally he smiled and said, “I’m gonna cum.” I felt a blast of warm, salty, cum fill my mouth and slide down my throat. I had to swallow three times to get it all down. Chris pulled his pants back up. “See you later man,” he said in his regular work voice. Then he left.

I’m proud to announce the launch of Grindr’s updated Privacy Policy today. To be fair, not much has changed from a content perspective, but we did significantly reformat our approach to improve readability, add a few details, and harmonize the privacy options for all users globally. We go to great lengths to be transparent with our users (and those who are curious), and this is an extension of our dedication to that philosophy. Above all, we want our users to understand what information we are collecting and how we may be using it in our quest to provide them the best service possible.  

If you were ever curious or a policy wonk like me, you’ve likely read a portion of a privacy policy here or there because you wanted to know how that company managed your information. Was it easy for you to find what you were looking for? Was it a quick read? Did you read it in its entirety? Did you learn how long they retained your data, what rights were provided to you with respect to your data, and who they may share your data with? In many cases, the answer is probably no. Our Privacy Policy update is intended to help make things easier for you—easier to read, easier to understand, and easier to learn more about topics of your particular interest.

We had several goals for this Privacy Policy revision:

• Reduce the main Privacy Policy to a more consumable size (5 pages!) yet still cover the full breadth of our data collection and use practices
• Globalize our approach to privacy by providing more helpful disclosures and privacy tools irrespective of the user’s jurisdiction
• Provide a new “layer” of detail on core privacy topics like our retention policy and what information we may share with partners

Why “layers”? We’ve embraced a two-layered approach to our Privacy Policy to give users a more consumable top layer—the core Privacy Policy itself, now at only five pages. Five pages is still a good amount, but it’s readable in about 5 mins. And for those who want more specifics on a particular topic, we include a more detailed second layer.

Most privacy policies in the world today take a legal jurisdiction approach to their disclosures and may limit what privacy choices or tools they make available to their customers in different regions of the world. Grindr is committed to the privacy rights of all our users, regardless of their location on the planet. We still make some call-outs for items that are required by law in the EU under the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) or in Cali under the California Consumer Privacy Act (CCPA), but all of our core disclosures and privacy options are provided to all of our users across the globe.

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What’s in a layer? I encourage you to give our updated Privacy Policy a test drive at privacy.grindr.com. Once you’re there you’ll see a list of topics. After you’ve read the full five pages of the core Privacy Policy, you can pick a topic to dive deeper on—for example, data retention. Were you aware that in many cases we only retain user data for seven days or less, and we only store chat history for 48 hours? I also encourage you to jump into our Third Party Partner page, where you’ll see that we give full visibility to all of our ad partners and other types of partners with links to their Privacy Policies. Of course, as Chief Privacy Officer I encourage you to read every topic in the list. But even if you only read the first layer, you’ll have a very good grasp on what happens with your data.

While we’re talking privacy, Apple iOS users should know that we also launched our Apple App Store Privacy Disclosure today. The disclosure lists the data types we collect, and while none of it should be surprising, casual users might lift an eyebrow when they see disclosures like the collection of Financial Information (in some of our user surveys we ask for annual salary range) or Health Information (our users are optionally able to provide their HIV status to other users). And to set the record straight, the only data type from Apple’s list that we share with ad partners for tracking purposes is the user’s Device ID—no information about the user’s Grindr account is shared, despite some in the media saying otherwise.

I hope our users see this new Privacy Policy as a step forward in making Grindr’s data collection and use practices easier to understand and continuing our dedication to providing transparency to what happens behind the scenes of our services.  

Stay tuned for more privacy related blogging to come in the near future, and please don’t be afraid to ask questions. We’re easy to get ahold of at [email protected] and will do our best to get answers back to you in a timely manner.

Happy Holidays,

Shane Wiley, Chief Privacy Officer | LinkedIn

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Everyone knows you need to take care of the skin on your face: you wake up and wash your mug, apply lotion, and maybe even a little sunscreen—before bed you apply night cream, possibly a mask. But few of us have any sort of routine with the skin on our butt.

And why not? After your face, the butt is your most salient calling card for potential partners. You primp in the mirror for hours making sure your hair is nicely coiffed, trim your pubes, and put concealer under your bags, but what are you doing to make sure your asset downstairs is living her best life?

Culturally, the ass has been gaining traction for years. Even straight people eat ass now! Imagine. But, just because we’ve become more open to the pleasures of the derriere, doesn’t mean we’ve learned to take proper care of it. That ends now!

I decided to go on the hunt for the best beauty products for the butt, test them out, and give you all the tea: how to moisturize, lift, hydrate, scrub, exfoliate, and shine your way to a better butt.

Studio ready hot coffee scrub

Best Scrub Before You Get Ate

Studio Ready markets their Hot Coffee Scrub as a premium scrub designed to make eating ass an even more enjoyable experience, and after using the Hot Coffee Scrub this week, all I can say is—pour me another cup.

The scrub has a chocolatey, espresso smell that wafts through the shower as soon as I opened the lid—then, as I rubbed the scrub around, the sugary texture polished and buffed in a way I’d never experienced. Afterwards, my butt was glistening, like when your car goes through the wash and gets a fresh wax. I could smell the cacao long after, and the taste? You’ll have to try for yourself.

Anese that booty tho

Overall MVP Award

That booty tho from Anese is a walnut scrub that you use in the shower to help target stretch marks, acne, and cellulite. This scrub took me the most by surprise because, upon first smelling, the non-existent scent was a major turn-off. I thought that a beauty product had to smell like a candle to win me over. Boy, was I wrong.  

That booty tho blew my mind. I was transfixed by the sensation of the super fine scrub lathering my butt. The best part was how clean and soft my skin felt afterwards, like a baby’s behind. This scrub is top-of-the-class-valedictorian-headed-to-an-Ivy-level good.

Anese down with the thickness

Best for a Plump Rump

This clay mask from Anese helps plump and soften that bum, particularly in problem areas.  Though I don’t have any of those, I decided to give her a go anyway. And thank god. This pink confection that looks like Pepto-Bismuth and smells like Elio’s peach is sheer heaven on an ass.

The mask needs to sit for 15-20 minutes, so you should get your phone and scroll on social media or Grindr while you wait for the clay to harden. It can be a bit runny so let it tighten before you move much. Once I washed the mask away it revealed a skin plump and light and ready for a good smack.

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Sol de Janeiro Brazilian Bum Bum Cream

Best Smell

Bum Bum Cream has become something of a cult favorite of beauty bloggers in the past couple of years—it’s an all over body cream that’s “infused with all-powerful caffeine-rich Guaraná extract”. An equation I’ve developed over the past month of product testing is that Caffeine + Butt = phat ass. It’s no theory of relativity, but just as important.

Bum Bum Cream packaging is so beautiful that you don’t want to unwrap her, but when you do you’re met with the sweetest smelling lotion—a bouquet of Piña Colada and Starbursts. It reminded me of applying tanning lotion while on Spring Break in high school—one of my fondest memories, frankly. Bum Bum Cream is the creamiest lotion of the bunch—one dollop and your ass shines like a brand-new nickel. Hours after applying my butt was just as smooth and still smelled like Coconut Rum. Heaven.

Bawdy Beauty butt mask collection

Best Mask

Sure, you’ve done a face mask from CVS—maybe even a mud mask from the Korean Spa, but baby, you ever done a butt mask? Welcome to the new wave of self-care—butt masks are sweeping the nation as a quick way to perk up your derriere in a pinch. Got a date and need to freshen her up? Put a butt mask on it. Want to wear your speedo to the beach but haven’t had a scrub in ages? Put a butt mask on it.

Which brings me to Bawdy Beauty and their collection of Butt Masks, each one unique in its own way, my personal favorite being Squeeze It, the citrus mask made for rejuvenation. Leave these on for a quick 10-15 and watch in amazement as your butt gets a cute refreshing lift. Bawdy recommends taking a “Buttfie” after to show off your perky butt in all its glory.

Green heart Labs butt acne clearing lotion

Best Buttne Cure

Buttne is so rude. There’s something truly insidious about finally leaving high school acne behind only to have a resurgence of it in your 20’s—on your ass. I used to not want to hookup on nights when I had a pimple on my butt; my insecurities about my body stopped me from having sex. The horror! Hopefully, with products like Butt Acne Clearing Lotion from Green Heart Labs, those days of Queer twenty-somethings hiding their butts in shame are over.

The lotion itself has a super refreshing vegetal smell, and the non-greasy formula didn’t leave my skin feeling sticky after using. Sometimes acne cleansers dry your skin out, but because this is a lotion, my skin felt clean and smooth the whole day, no dryness spotted.