What’s Heteroflexible? A Spoonful of Straight With a Dash of Gay

If you’re a guy who sometimes catches himself checking out other guys — and we mean enough to cravingly wonder what that schmeat tastes like — but you don’t identify as gay, bisexual, or even bicurious (at least not yet), spoiler alert: This one’s for you.

Human sexuality is fluid and can change over time. Some people understand their sexuality from an early age. Others take a little longer to work out their preferences. Both scenarios are perfectly valid. There’s no reason to categorize your sexual orientation before you’re ready — or at all. If sex with another man turns you on, but you’re only interested in dating someone of the opposite gender, you might be heteroflexible. 

Read on to learn how to embrace your journey, giving yourself space and grace to explore relationships that feel fun and fulfilling. After all, sex is about enjoying the ride. Don’t worry. We’ll teach you to ride his bronco when you’re good and ready.

Heteroflexible meaning

Heteroflexibility refers to people who identify as heterosexual but occasionally feel attraction to people of the same sex. Some heteroflexible people are sexually interested in people of the same sex but don’t feel compelled to pursue a romantic relationship. For others, heteroflexibility may represent an openness to queer sexual exploration when the vibe is right while still predominantly identifying as straight or heteroromantic.

Essentially, heteroflexibility allows straight people to explore a broader spectrum of attraction and sexuality without the pressure of a fixed label. It signifies an openness to romantic relationships or sexual experiences that fall outside of heteronormative sexuality. For some, this sexual exploration might lead to a deeper understanding of your place on the sexuality spectrum (maybe you’re bi or pansexual). For others, heteroflexible may feel like a perfectly fitting label on its own.

Origins of heteroflexibility

Gays have always gayed. But queer vocabulary is relatively new. It wasn’t until the 19th century that concepts of sexual orientation began to develop around binary terms like “homosexual” and “heterosexual.” Still, throughout much of the 20th century, sexuality was viewed through the lens of sexual behavior more than as an identity. Tickle us shocked!

As the century progressed, our understanding of heterosexuality and homosexuality began to evolve into reflections of personal identity rather than private bedroom behavior. This shift allowed for a broader exploration of sexual identity and attraction, leading to the emergence of terms like heteroflexible. People started to recognize that their sexual orientation could be more fluid and open to new sexual encounters rather than staying neatly within a fixed category. 

Heteroflexibility emerged to articulate this openness — a space where one can explore attractions to multiple genders while primarily identifying as straight.

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Heteroflexible vs. bisexual: Isn’t it the same thing? 

If he likes the bussy and the pussy, isn’t he just bi? Heteroflexible, bisexual, and bicurious are usually thrown in the same gay handbag, but they’re very different sexual orientations. 

Bisexuality

Bisexual people clearly define their sexual identity and orientation. They feel attraction to more than one gender. This attraction can manifest emotionally, romantically, or sexually. Whereas heteroflexibles tend to be primarily attracted to the opposite sex, bisexual attraction exists at numerous positions on the Kinsey Scale.

Heteroflexibility

Someone who identifies as heteroflexible tends to primarily date or have relationships with people of the opposite sex but is comfortable exploring sexual experiences with people of the same sex when the vibe is right. These experiences don’t have to be physical encounters — heteroflexible guys might like to jerk off to gay porn or develop crushes without acting on them. 

Bicurious

This is where the terminology gets blurry. Many people use heteroflexible and bicurious interchangeably, but the critical distinction is in the name. Bicurious people are eager to experiment with queer sexual or romantic experiences but are still untangling their sexual curiosities.

“Heteroflexible” suggests a more established comfort with the idea of engaging in same-gender sexual activities. Curiosity implies exploration is needed to iron out your sexual preferences.

Pansexuality

Gender? Don’t know her. Pansexuals are attracted to others without any concern for their gender or sexual identity. Instead, Pansexual people feel love or attraction to a person based on their personality, interests, life experiences, or general hotness. They can form romantic and sexual attractions to other people regardless of whether they’re male, female, nonbinary, gay, straight, or something else entirely. 

Homoflexible 

A homoflexible person primarily identifies as homosexual but is open to sexual experiences with the opposite gender. Similar to heteroflexibles, they might engage in relationships or fantasies with people of different genders, but they’re primarily interested in same-sex partners. 

You might identify with one or several of these sexualities. That’s totally fine! Coming out of the closet is about presenting your authentic self to the world on your terms. As long as you are upfront and develop relationships based on mutual respect, go on with your maybe gay self! Celebrate your journey and embrace the diverse spectrum of attraction that makes you special. 

Misconceptions about heteroflexible identities

The world isn’t short on haters; misguided judgments about heteroflexibles abound. Here are some common misunderstandings:

1. It’s just a phase: Many people assume heteroflexibles are simply confused. For many heteroflexible people, openness to same-sex experiences is a genuine part of their sexual identity that’s here to stay.
2. Selfish partners: Some believe that heteroflexible people aren’t capable of forming meaningful same-sex connections since they’re mostly interested in heteroromantic relationships. This misconception undermines the complexity of human attraction and sexual fluidity. As long as everyone is upfront about their intentions and desires, fulfilling interactions are entirely possible.
3. Cop out: Some see heteroflexibles as bisexual people who want to enjoy the sexual delights of gay relationships without giving up their straight privileges. Some might even consider heteroflexibility as a form of gaslighting gays or perpetuating negative gay stereotypes. This perspective diminishes the authenticity of those who genuinely feel sexually attracted to different genders despite a preference for heteroromantic relationships. 

The LGBTQ community is all too familiar with what judgment feels like. Let’s be part of the solution. Challenging misconceptions helps foster a stronger community and greater acceptance of all sexual identities. Embracing heteroflexibility means recognizing the complexity of attraction and celebrating the freedom to love who you love, period. 

Am I heteroflexible?

Your obsession with Trixie and Katya isn’t the only sign you might be a little gay. If you’re uncertain of your heteroflexible desires, here are some signs to look out for: 

• What are all these rugby reels doing on my For You page? You mostly feel a strong attraction to the opposite sex but can’t help clicking on those hunky thirst traps.
• Hooking up or being open to sexual or romantic experiences with people of the same gender doesn’t feel like a curiosity. It feels totally natural.
• Fluidity just makes sense. You don’t think attraction and relationships should be rigid or fixed. Flexibility with your sexuality feels like the road to a deeper understanding of your desires and romantic connections.
• A full-hetero 0 on the Kinsey scale doesn’t sit right with you, but terms like “queer,” “bisexual,” or “bicurious” feel limiting, too.
• If a casual sexual encounter happens, it happens. You’re open to being with someone of the same sex, but opposite-sex relationships are perfectly fulfilling.
• You mostly prefer her neck, her back, her pussy, and her crack, but you’re a trysexual who’s willing to give anything a go at least once.

A mix of curiosity and confusion is a natural part of discovering your sexuality. And whether you feel confusion or curiosity, remember you don’t have to sort it out alone. Get out there and ask other heteroflexibles about their own sexual journeys.

Heteroflexible flag

Pride is for everyone — heteroflexibles included. The heteroflexible flag is a gradient of horizontal black-and-white stripes with a rainbow stripe cutting across the middle. The gray areas represent a spectrum of heterosexuality, while the rainbow reflects a connection to queer sexuality. 

The homoflexible community has an inverted flag featuring a rainbow with a black-and-white gradient in the middle.

Flex your flexibility on Grindr

There are plenty of men out there ready to stretch you out. You’ll find them on Grindr. Download the Grindr app today and find a man who’ll turn you into a downward-facing dog.