Impact Play 101: Erotic Spanking for Beginners

For BDSM and kink enthusiasts, erotic spanking is a big deal. In fact, it’s hard to overstate the impact.

Impact play is so commonplace that, much like Drag Race, iced coffee, poppers, and rimming, even vanilla straights are getting into it. But don’t let that fool you — there’s plenty to learn about smacking cheeks before you reach for your paddle. Take our calloused hand as we guide you through the ins and outs of impact play.

If you’re ready to put your butt on the line and see (or feel) what the heinie-hitting hype is all about, this guide is for you.

What is impact play?

Impact play is a kink or sex act that involves one partner striking another using their hands or an object. It’s often considered a BDSM activity enjoyed by Dominant and submissive partners, but that’s not a hard and fast rule. Regardless of why you’re getting into it, impact play allows both partners to experience sensation and pain play in a safe, controlled situation.

Many tools are tailor-made to give someone welts that make them melt, but DIY solutions are just as popular. Impact play’s meaning can range from playful spanking (because you know you were a bad boy) to a high-intensity art form best practiced by seasoned pros. (Your mileage may vary depending on pain tolerance and enjoyment.)

Types of impact play 

There is a surprising variety of ways to bruise someone’s bottom. Here are just a few:

Whipping

Many spanking enthusiasts use a whip, crop, or multi-tailed flogger. Various tools offer countless approaches to impact play. The feeling can range from a sharp sting to something deeper and more lasting.

Spanking

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. The tried and true method of spanking only requires one butt and one hand, providing painful pleasure with no purchase necessary. It’s the ideal way to get into impact play if you’re unfamiliar.

Paddling

A paddle’s intensity can also vary depending on its material and how much back the spanker puts into it. It’s often described as a happy medium between stinging and thudding.

Caning

This type of impact play involves striking the body with a thin, hard stick. Most impact or kink enjoyers would say that this tool can actually be quite sensual, depending on how you use it.

Body parts you should probably avoid during impact play

We’re not here to police anyone’s impact play or BDSM experience. Still, you might want to steer clear of some parts of the body. Otherwise, a deliciously sexy experience can become a severely dangerous one.

Generally, you want to aim for areas where a layer of fat cushions a thick muscle (hence the popularity of the posterior). Bones, joints, and organs are best avoided. Here are some specific examples of where not to hit your partner:

Ears

Damaging someone’s ears is no joke. Ears are delicate body parts that shouldn’t be involved during rough impact play.

Head

This one’s probably apparent and relatively easy if you avoid the ears. Trauma to the head is going to be a no from us, dawg, and it probably should be for you as well.

Feet

People have to walk on their feet. Light impact play might be OK, but anything that leaves bruises or lacerations should be left for another spot, lest your handsome companion struggle to get in their Uber after you’re done.

Stomach

The tummy sounds like a safe space to try out impact play, but that area houses way too many vital organs. Intense impacts should be directed toward fleshy bits, not organ-y bits.

Lower back

You don’t want to hit someone where you could damage their spine or their internal organs, and the lower back has both. Kidneys are fragile, darling.

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What does impact play feel like?

Too nervous to try out a sexy walloping? Want a better understanding of the sensation? We don’t blame you; informed consent is so sexy. Here’s what to expect when you’re expecting (a riding crop to thwack your bare ass):

Heat-like sensations

Impact play can create a feeling of heat in the punished area. This is especially true for spanking, which can lead to a pleasant heat for both the Dom and his naughty little slut. Increased blood flow from striking makes hands and cheeks alike turn red and hot to the touch.

Thuddy

“Thuddy” is an interesting way to describe a sensation, but there’s really not much else to say; that’s what it feels like. Dull, heavy tools create a unique sensation, both in feel and as an auditory experience. It’s often too intense for newbies and can linger long after the final blow has been struck.

Stingy

Light tools often produce a sharp, stinging sensation. Unlike thuddier sensations, stingy ones are intense but brief. The tool’s weight and material will affect the sharpness or intensity of the feeling, so keep adjusting until your partner’s squeals reach the desired pitch.

Impact play best practices

How can you engage in impact play sex acts without starting an all-out brawl? Here’s how we recommend you approach it so it’s less Fight Club and more tight chub.

Take it slow

You’re new to this, so don’t throw yourself into the deep end. Limit your intensity and gauge how you and your partner feel as you go. This can also minimize or eliminate bruising.

Rub between strikes

Rubbing the skin between strikes can help soothe and reset it. You can do this after every strike or set of strikes — whichever you and your partner agree upon. It’s a smart way to try out your spanking kink so you don’t go overboard with the pain.

Avoid hitting the same spot over and over again

Seasoned vets of impact play might disagree, but this is for the newbies. We recommend spreading the love with that leather glove. That means dispersing your strikes over a larger surface area rather than giving one particular spot all the business.

Use something soothing for aftercare

We’re a broken record when it comes to aftercare, but it’s safe to say that we don’t care — it’s crucial for healthy kink practice! Impact play aftercare might require something more tangible than an emotional check-in; use ice cubes or a soothing lotion on the skin to cool things down.

Safety and consent

Now that we’ve covered the fun of flesh-flogging, it’s time to discuss the fine print. There’s not really a way to engage in impact play without pain. It’s pretty much the whole point. But that makes it extra vital to discuss preferences, safety, and consent before engaging in any kind of spanking or flogging kink.

Here are the basics of safe kink practice:

Agree on a safe word (and feel safe enough to use it)

Going to town on someone with a riding crop requires an immense amount of mutual trust. All participants need to know and respect the difference between playful resistance and a sincere stop sign. We highly recommend establishing a safe word before any kinky sex act, but with impact play in particular, it’s a must.

Communication is key

What’s the secret to sexy caning? The same special sauce that turns any potentially harmful or triggering sex act into a fun time: communication. To ensure everyone is on the same page, fill out a BDSM checklist and talk through your fantasies and boundaries before you start.

With impact play, communication doesn’t just happen before and after play. Ensure your partner feels comfortable throughout and stop the act to check in if necessary.

Consent is sexy

Consent is vital no matter what kind of sexual activity you’re engaged in. It should always be clear and enthusiastic. And even enthusiastic consent can be revoked anytime.

It’s OK if things get too intense and you have to tap out. And it’s OK if your partner has to tell you to tone it down — as long as you stop, check in, re-evaluate, and learn.

Have you been naughty?

Do you have a smackable butt or an impressive backhand? Maybe it’s time to put your posterior to the test and see how you feel about impact play and erotic spanking. You never know how much joy and pleasure you’ll get out of a sensual spanking session unless you give it a try.

Do you know what else can make an enormous impact on your sex life? Getting on Grindr! Download the Grindr app today to meet like-minded masochists and sadists that want to embark on this affirming ass adventure with you.