Non-Penetrative Sex: Ideas to Keep It Hot Without Going All the Way

Your gay audacity teaches you that you can do anything. Sometimes that means creaming your pants without getting your dick wet.

There are plenty of reasons to desire sex without penetration. Maybe you choose Chipotle over bottoming. Maybe you just aren’t in the mood for anal. If you’re a side, you don’t enjoy topping or bottoming at all; it’s an admirably low-maintenance approach. 

Mutual masturbation, blow jobs, and sloppy makeout sessions are all tried and true ways to be intimate without sex. But if you’re looking for more creative ideas to achieve orgasm without inviting an anal penetration to the party, Grindr’s got plenty of non-penetrative sex ideas. 

Reasons to explore non-penetrative sex

Gay men are often oversexualized. And it’s not just the heterosexuals crying over child-corrupting drag brunches. Sometimes, the call is coming from inside the house. There’s a lot of pressure within the gay community to define your sexual preferences in a neat little box and/or be able to stick a baker’s dozen dildos up your ass at a moment’s notice.

But anal play and satisfying sex aren’t synonymous. There are numerous benefits to skipping penetrative sex. Don’t believe us? Peep at these before prepping your pooper:

1. Inclusive intercourse

Sexuality is a spectrum. That adage also applies to how gay and bisexual men choose to get off. Anal sex isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and any reason is a legitimate reason. We’ll say that louder for the people in the back. Whether you don’t feel like douching or don’t get pleasure from giving or receiving, any reason is a good enough reason to turn down intercourse. 

Seeking sexual pleasure outside of penetrative sex is a way to break down stereotypes and embrace inclusive sexual expressions. What we’re trying to say is, “Go jerk off that side for the good of the community.”

2. Sexploration is sexciting

There’s a big world of sex out there, and it’s waiting for you in a spread eagle pose. If you’re only frosting his cake every night, you’re shut out from a lot of exciting experiences. Trust us, there are countless ways to cum, and most of them don’t involve packing your dick into his fudge truck. 

You’ve probably dabbled in mutual masturbation and sloppy blowjobs. There’s also perineum play, sensory massages, and more niche sexual practices (piss kink, anyone?). Whatever you choose, exploration helps you slow down and lose yourself in the moment, yielding earth-shattering orgasms. Pass the boot worship and pony play our way, please. 

3. Deepens emotional intimacy

You and your partner might have to talk shop before exploring sex without intercourse. Sharing kinks, desires, and fantasies you didn’t realize were options is an exciting form of foreplay, revving you both up for new experiences. Talking out fantasies also strengthens trust and deepens your emotional bond. Plus, trying out a new sexual activity requires a sense of humor and lightheartedness, which will connect you and your partner in and out of the bedroom. 

8 non-penetrative sex ideas

Class is in session! Get ready to learn from Dr. Grindr, your sexiest professor. Here are eight ways to get off without putting your charger in his light socket. 

1. No penetration challenge

If you and your partner usually have penetrative sex, a no-penetration challenge can heighten physical sensation. Try a week or two with a strict “no anal” policy. It’ll build up tension and make every single touch more intense. And once you do go balls deep, the payoff will be anything but routine. 

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2. Play a game

Sex games are a great way to take the pressure off a new experience and put an extra UNHhhh in your libido. Strip poker and truth or dare are fun games that don’t require a trip to GameStop.

If you want to stock your game room, look for games that can teach you something new. If you want to step up your blow job game or learn more about your partner, try an orally focused board or an intimacy-enhancing couple’s card game. 

3. Get kinky

BDSM plays with Dominant and submissive power dynamics, often through sensory play and mental arousal. Lots of BDSM activities don’t involve penetration, such as spanking, voyeurism, or pet play.

If you’re new to the world of kinks and fetishes, start by filling out a BDSM checklist alone or with a partner. You’ll learn something sexy about yourself and identify other guys who want to explore the same kinks as you. 

4. Try some sensory play 

Foreplay is the key to otherworldly orgasms. And there’s nothing like sensory play to make your man burst. Turn down the lights, put on your favorite sexy tunes, and light some candles to set the tone. 

Use different objects to play around with textures (a silk handkerchief, a Wartenberg pinwheel, a wooden paddle), temperatures (ice cubes, hot wax, cold metal), and sensations (a vibrating sex toy, CBT restraints, a potato masher). Blindfold your partner to heighten the senses or save him from the embarrassing image of you kneading his cake with a rolling pin.

5. Give them an erotic massage

Sensory play naturally transitions into erotic massages. A good rubdown is slow and teasing, so don’t just go straight for the erogenous zones.

Slowly strip your man down and work his non-sexy bits, such as his arms, shoulders, and feet. Gradually move to his inner thighs, glutes, and perineum, working his prostate from the outside. Resist the urge to give him a happy ending until he’s begging you to tenderize his man meat. 

6. Netflix and chill

Here’s a fun role-playing idea: Pretending you’re a couple of teenagers getting naughty on the couch after everyone’s asleep. Turn your regularly scheduled programming into a night of heavy petting and sloppy kissing — there will be other nights to catch up on Property Brothers. 

Remember, Mom and Dad are sleeping upstairs, so it’s best to keep your clothes on and stick to old-fashioned frottage sex or an under-the-pants HJ. Just be sure to have some wet knaps handy. 

7. Be a smooth operator

Most of us don’t want to answer the phone, let alone try phone sex. But it’s an exciting way to play out Dom/sub dynamics or more innocent role-playing.

If you aren’t sure where to start, steal some phone sex ideas from guided masturbation videos and audio. Or head over to Pornhub and search for JOI porn, a genre of pornography where the host tells you how to masturbate or masturbates with you. You can steal their script or do a video call where you both have a virtual masturbation sesh. 

8. Edge him

Edging will make him forget all about your anus. It’s simple; as soon as your partner feels an orgasm coming on, cut off all stimulation from his penis. Pause to make out or use your hands and mouth to stimulate other parts of his body until he’s relaxed again. Repeat several times or set a timer, and keep lots of lubricant on hand. For your finale, let him give you a cum shower or pearl necklace to reward him for his patience.

Stop trying to make anal intercourse happen, Gretchen

Your butthole is a sacred space. Plenty of men on Grindr are excited to worship from a distance. Download the Grindr app today and find a partner to practice non-penetrative sex.