Tantric Sex 101: The Grindr Guide to Getting Off Like a Guru

We all know him: That guy who DMs claiming he can fuck you into another universe only to barely knock you out of the ballpark. Unless, perhaps, he happens to be an expert in the ways of tantric sex.

Tantric sex is an ancient practice rooted in Hinduism and Buddhism that blends mindfulness, emotional intimacy, and unique positions to extend sexual pleasure for hours upon hours and hours, leading to profound orgasms that are said to expand your spiritual experience (aka make your third eye cum). 

Sound tempting? If so, hold off on ordering some tantric sex book from Amazon — it'll take forever to come anyway (and not in a sexy way). Grindr has everything you need to know. 

What’s tantric sex? 

Tantric sex most recently landed itself on the map of mainstream Western pop culture back in the ’90s, when former Police frontman and bonafide zaddy Sting boasted about his seven- or possibly eight-hour marathon tantra sessions, which, to be completely transparent, he also said included time for dinner and a movie.

Sting’s questionable take on tantric sex aside, the practice has actually existed for thousands of years. It's a part of "tantra," which translates as "weave" in Sanskrit, a spiritual belief system that originated in India around 600 BCE and focuses on connecting with all aspects of life — emotional, spiritual, and physical — to align the chakras and reach enlightenment. Tantric sex is one way to explore these connections, combining mindfulness, breathwork, and eye contact with slow, deliberate stimulation. 

In other words, it's the would-be Kama Sutra for spiritually minded sluts. Partners who engage in tantric sex do so to move their sexual energy between one another to heal, transform, and help each other grow and connect spiritually. And once you finally blow your load, you supposedly cum really hard. 

And there are more benefits than a volcanic orgasm. Slowing down and engaging with your partner's body improves intimacy outside of sex, helps treat sexual anxiety in a safe, controlled space, and expands your ideas about intercourse. Likewise, some tantric sex practitioners believe focusing on relaxation over making each other cum might help you last longer in bed or have stronger erections. 

Tantra vs. neotanta: What’s the difference?

Like sushi and meditation, tantra is another Eastern practice the West has adopted and modified. 

Tantra is alive and well across India and parts of Southeast Asia. It's a spiritual path that includes a wide set of rituals. Traditionally, followers are guided by a spiritual guru, who teaches yoga and mindful breathing, philosophical teachings, and visualization practices, among other things. It's a life commitment. The ultimate goal is to free yourself of societal conditioning and the ego in order to align the chakras and reach true enlightenment. 

Western cultures first learned of tantric practices about 150 years ago in the form of "neotantra." Although it also seeks spiritual awakening, its followers focus more heavily on the sexual healing aspect (aka seven- or eight-hour sex sessions). 

How to have tantric sex

It doesn’t matter how good that dick is. Intercourse alone won’t help you and your partner reach dual enlightenment. Tantric sex is about developing deep physical and emotional intimacy with your partner before you actually have intercourse or non-penetrative sex. 

Here are five tantra techniques that will make you see the light:

1. Set the scene

When we say tantric sex meditation, we're not joking about the meditation part. This isn't raunchy banging in wild sex positions, so forget about having sex in the car or fucking in the shower. 

Imagine your tantra experience like a ’90s or ’00s R&B music video. Break out the scented candles, lay down some plush blankets next to the fireplace, and dim the lights nice and low. To keep your mind focused on your partner, prepare for the expected. Keep your phone on silent in another room and have all the necessities ready, including vibrators, lube, and massage oils. 

2. Practice breathwork

Sit in a lotus pose (seated with legs crossed) facing one another. If you're new to yoga, a pillow or yoga mat will help you stay comfortable in the position. You can hold each other's hands or place your palms on your partner's knees to build a physical connection. With your eyes closed, focus on your breath, slowing it down and focusing on each inhale and exhale. Gradually move your attention around your body (the air entering and exiting your nostrils, your chest rising and falling, and your body slowly relaxing) before syncing your breath with your partner. Imagine the energy leaving and entering your body as a color or shape. Visualize it moving from your body to your partners and back. 

If you're new to mindful breathing or meditation, it can take a little while to get the hang of it. Don't worry — with tantric sex, there's nothing but time. 

3. Get comfortable with eye gazing

Eye gazing is the act of staring into your partner's peepers for what may feel like an absurd amount of time, a practice that typically follows meditation (like breathwork). It might feel sillier than sexy, but fight the urge to look away. Studies have shown that maintaining unbroken eye contact for two minutes can increase feelings of affection, even among strangers. Remember that next time you lock eyes with that hottie at the gym.

4. Build that love bridge

Once eye gazing stops feeling uncomfortable, hold your left hand on your heart and place your right hand over your partner’s. Your partner should mirror your position. A love bridge strengthens your physical and emotional bond by creating a connection between your hearts. 

5. Explore tantric foreplay

Now it's time for the good stuff. Meditation, eye gazing, and your love bridge are foreplay, too. But they're really meant to get you in the right mind frame. Touching, kissing, and massaging one another don't have a goal in mind. Do what feels good, be mindful to take your time, and lose yourself in the moment. Here are some tantric foreplay ideas to try: 

• Tantric touching: Don’t go straight for his G-spot. Actually, don’t hit any of his erogenous zones. Take time to stroke, rub, and touch his entire body, from the tips of his fingers to his knees and hip bone. Slow caresses will awaken your senses and put you in touch with your man’s entire body. You can turn this into a full-body massage, making a point to focus on connecting, relaxing, and worshiping their body rather than turning them on. 
• Mindful kissing: Enjoy long, slow kisses full of gentle bites, licks, and pauses. Pay attention to how your partner tastes and how his tongue and lips feel.  
• Energetic touching: One way to kick up the sexual tension is, ironically, not touching. Try to feel the energy between you and your partner by moving your hands over his body without touching their skin. Notice the contours of his body and the way your hand curves under their chin, over his shoulders, or up and down his butt. 
• Lingam massage: This is a tantric massage that focuses on your man’s junk. Start by massaging his inner thighs before massaging his balls and perineum. When you get to his shaft, use slow, changing strokes. Change your grip from hard to light, move from one to two hands, and vary the speed from slow to fast. You can also switch up, moving from the shaft to playing with his sphincter or perineum. 

3 tantric sex positions 

Yoga and tantra sex go dick in hand. But these positions aren't your run-of-the-mill downward-facing dog:

1. Spooning

Spooning is a good starting position for practicing intimate tantric meditation. Lie on your sides facing the same direction. Harmonize your breathing and concentrate on giving and receiving each other's energy. This position also allows equal access to exploring each other’s bodies, which can help you both ease into sex at your own pace. 

2. Relaxed arch

One partner sits on the bed, lying on his back or sitting up. The other partner straddles his lap, knees angled forward. The straddling partner grabs his partner's legs and leans back until his head is between their partner’s ankles. The seated partner can lean over and kiss his partner’s belly, play with his nipples, or fuck him missionary style. 

3. The Yab-Yum

This one might not feel brand-new — it’s basically a seesaw position. One partner sits cross-legged. The other partner sits on his lap, facing him, and wraps his ankles around his partner’s back. In tantric sex, this position is meant to align all seven chakras (like your heart, navel, and “third eye” on your forehead) and create mutual awareness of one another’s bodies. 

Pay attention to how your chest moves with your partner’s, gaze into his eyes and pull his breath into yours. It's also a great position for masturbation, grinding his dick between your cheeks or rubbing your penis against his before slow-rocking intercourse.

Yum your yab

We stan a man who wants to worship every inch of his partner’s body — slowly, intensely, respectfully. If you’re looking for a spiritual guru to activate all seven chakras, you’ll find him on Grindr. Download the Grindr app today and find enlightenment.