What Is Sex Positivity and How to Embrace It

Many people are positive about sex, meaning they’ve done it, they like it, and they’ll probably do it again. But that doesn’t necessarily make them “sex positive.” 

Being sex-positive is an active stance—something that requires practice, discussion, and thought. So what does the sex-positive movement look like, and what impact does it have on human sexuality? We’re here to show you how to embrace sex positivity as part of your identity so you can support yourself and others on their journey of joy and jizz. 

What is sex positivity?

Sex positivity is all about cultivating an open, honest, and respectful attitude about sex. The purpose of sex positivity is to create a culture that values consent, communication, and respect. That doesn’t have to be culture with a capital C; you can foster that feeling of sex positivity within yourself, and we recommend you start there, anyway! 

Still, sex positivity is more commonplace than ever, and shame and stigma are taking a backseat. Let’s review some key aspects of sex positivity that make talking about getting pleasure such a pleasure.

Consent

Consensual sexual behavior is the cornerstone of sex positivity. There is no world where consent and respecting boundaries aren’t present in individuals who are sex-positive. It doesn’t matter how much you consider yourself an ally or how you got a finger up there that one time—if you’re not practicing consensual sex, you’re not sex-positive.

Education

Educating yourself about sexual health, sexual behavior, and diverse sexual orientations is another part of the sex positivity revolution. They say knowledge is power, so arm yourself with understanding about everything from intimacy to gender identity, and you’ll be in a space where you won’t judge others for their behavior—or yourself, for that matter.

Acceptance

Speaking of judgment, it’s one thing to understand someone’s sexual desires, and it’s another to accept them with open arms (or dropped pants, depending on the context). Sexually positive individuals promote acceptance of diverse sexual identities and practices and know that there is no "normal" when it comes to sexuality. It’s all fluid and fluids!

Communication

A sex-positive person knows how important it is to have an open dialogue about sexual desires. This doesn’t mean they’re oversharing at the family dinner table; it means they’re engaging with their partners about things that matter to them, including sexual health, personal comfort, or even things they’re concerned about that could come up when it’s time to knock boots.

Empowerment

Empowering yourself and others to become more sexually free is a hallmark of the sex-positive. But it’s also about empowering people to advocate for themselves and what’s best for their bodies, not just focusing on the pleasurable aspects of sex.

Pleasure

Okay, yeah, we know what we just said. But that doesn’t mean sex-positive people don’t revel in the pleasure that comes from following their sexual desires. After all, it’s often the end goal to make sure all participants are experiencing the things that make them all hot and bothered.

The sex positivity movement and its history

Sex positivity isn’t something new, but it does have an interesting and often curious history. To absolutely no one’s surprise, the sex positivity movement stemmed from the time when free love and freedom were : the '60s and '70s. This was when societal attitudes toward sex made some significant adjustments for the better—people wanted to break free from the shackles of their shame and just shag each other silly.

It was during this time that LGBTQ+ rights and sexual health started becoming part of the conversation in earnest. Today, the sex positivity movement continues to evolve. We’re now integrating insights from feminist theory, queer theory, and public health to help better support all kinds of people and desires.

Identifying sex positivity

Would you be able to pick sex positivity out of a line-up? Sure, it means someone who feels free to have the sex they like without shame or fear. But it’s actually so much more than that. And if you want to hook up with like-minded sex-positive people, you’ll want them to exhibit most of, if not all, of these qualities.

• Open discussions about sexual health: a sex-positive person knows that talking about sexual health is not only not a big deal but a must to have a healthy sex life. 
• Celebrating diverse sexual orientations: ‘yas queening’ your friends and family for reaching conclusions about their orientation is a force of good that everyone should practice!
• Promoting body positivity: we’re all different, and focusing on a toxic beauty ideal just because you aren’t attracted to the person isn’t the slay you thought it was.
• Advocating for comprehensive sex education: sex education is still seriously lacking in many parts of the world—be one of the voices advocating for this to change!
• Respecting someone’s boundaries (including your own!): Having boundaries is sexy, but only if they’re honored. And speaking of, are you honoring your own boundaries? That’s a big part of taking care of yourself, both physically and mentally.
• Encouraging self-exploration: this doesn’t NOT mean masturbation, but it means a lot more than that. Like different kinds of masturbating.
• Challenging damaging stigma: stereotypes and prejudice are distinctly unsexy, and a sex-positive person would actively work to fight against these.
• Fostering healthy sexual and romantic relationships: Even just establishing relationships that involve communication and trust with those you have sex with is considered sex-positive, meaning you care about theirs (and yours) sexual experience and want to talk about it!

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What does being sex-negative look like?

A sex-negative person could be easily described as the inverse of a sex-positive one. But it’s important to know that having this mindset often leads to a culture of fear and misinformation about sexuality. 

• Shaming someone for their sexual desires: This is when someone suggests or outright says that someone's practices or preferences are immoral or harmful.
• Promoting abstinence-only education: what good has this ever done? We’re biologically wired to want to bone, so why is this even still a thing?
• Stigmatizing sex work: a sex-negative person will rarely understand or be mature enough to recognize the complexities and realities of sex work.
• Viewing other LGBTQIA+ identities as “deviant” or “wrong”: Gay or queer people can bear the brunt of sexual negativity: an unfortunate truth that even heterosexual people who consider themselves sex-positive are still learning.
• Repressing sexual expression: This would involve discouraging people from speaking up about exploring their sexuality. And yes, this can include their own.
• Disregarding consent: someone who doesn’t think consent is essential is sex-negative: full stop.
• Continuing damaging stigma: If a person upholds harmful stereotypes about gender roles or sexuality, they’re not embracing the point of sex positivity and actively working against it.
• Neglecting the importance of sexual health: Someone who doesn’t care about sexual health education or resources also can’t be genuinely sex-positive.

How you can practice sex positivity

What’s the fastest way to be someone sex-positive? Here’s a quick cheat sheet to being pro-pleasure for yourself and others.

Explore your sexuality

Be open to self-discovery; life is long, and we’re constantly changing. Don’t judge yourself about personal desires or preferences. Instead, get curious and honest with yourself.

Let’s talk about sex, baby!

Talk about sex. Do it. Not all the time or at places where it doesn’t make sense. But with partners, friends, and even within educational settings when pertinent to normalize discussing sex like the very normal thing it is.

Respect others’ choices—even if you wouldn’t make them

Acknowledge and honor other people for their sexual preferences and practices, even if it’s not something you’d engage in yourself. Tl;dr: don’t yuck someone else’s yum.

Stay educated

Keep yourself informed about sexual health, consent, and sexual identities. This will help you properly engage in discussions rather than contribute nothing or just nod along with whatever’s being talked about.

Shout about consent from the rafters

Consent should be your priority in all sexual interactions. And if you know anyone who doesn’t operate from this angle, educate them on why it’s important for themselves and others to feel safe.

How does sex positivity affect society and well-being?

A healthier attitude toward sex is necessary for reducing feelings of shame and guilt. Too much shame and guilt, particularly around something that’s often a reflex of our nature, can be a burden on your mental health. It can strain relationships and make people feel closed off, mainly if the shame is being lobbed at them by a partner or someone close to them.

As far as society goes, we don’t need to tell you that understanding the queer community is the most significant step in us feeling seen and validated in the public eye. Those who choose to foster that, who want to understand the stigma and discrimination, they become the people in the sex-positive movement that can really change minds.

Interested in learning more? That’s positive!

Sex positivity is a loaded topic that doesn’t just revolve around loads. We encourage you to learn more by reading books, checking out reputable websites, or listening to podcasts that focus on sex education. There’s so much to learn, but fortunately, there are a ton of resources to help you along.

Feeling extra positive about sex? You’ll find people feeling the same and wanting to share those feelings on Grindr! Download the Grindr app today to get started.