As an app committed to transparency and open communication with our users, we spend a lot of time listening to people’s feedback both on and off Grindr. So when we see misperceptions about our app and the work we do to provide the best user experience possible, we take it to heart. In this post, we wanted to address two specific misconceptions we’ve seen, and give you more insight into how our support and moderation process works.                  

Misconception 1: Grindr bans people for no reason, either because we don’t care about our users or because Grindr somehow benefits from banning innocent users.       ‍

Misconception 2: Grindr doesn’t care about spam or abuse, and is purposely not banning the spam accounts because we make money off them.                            

‍Misconception 1: “Grindr bans people for no reason.”                                      

It might help to approach this misconception with a quick cost-benefit analysis. What would the pros and cons be for Grindr to ban people for no reason?

‍Pros:                

• None  

Cons:                  

• Dissatisfied users              
• Negative app reviews and ratings                                      
• Fewer users, resulting in decreased subscription and ad revenue (yes, Grindr is a business, and like many other popular apps you might use, we rely on subscription and ad revenue to help keep our app accessible to all.)

The simple truth is that Grindr has nothing to gain, and everything to lose, by banning users for no reason. That said, we work hard to keep Grindr safe and free of behavior that violates our Community Guidelines and Terms of Service . Prohibited behavior includes: spam, impersonation, prostititution and solicitation, marketing of outside services, harassment, drug dealing or promoting drug use, underage users, and other negative activities on Grindr. For example, if someone knowingly files a false report about a user, in an attempt to get them banned, that can result in the reporter being banned.

The work to handle bans on Grindr is incredibly difficult, and we combine complex software with over 100 people on our customer support and moderation team to do that work. The work of our users who submit reports when they see bad behavior is incredibly important. We appreciate your help.

Even still, mistakes can happen. In some cases, a warning is more appropriate than a ban. We will introduce a warning system later this year, but in the meantime, we have a process for banned customers to appeal their case. All ban appeals are investigated by our support team members. The process is time consuming and expensive for Grindr, but we want to correct any mistakes.

We often hear the complaint from a banned user, “I got no explanation for my ban.” This is a tough one. There are a few reasons why we can’t provide much detail. First, it’s important to protect the privacy of users who may have reported the issues, so we can’t say “User [XYZ] reported you for solicitation.” Secondly, for some abuse, such as spamming, the details we might provide help the abusing party improve their methods. When people know how they were caught, they are just that much harder to catch the next time.    

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Misconception 2: “Grindr doesn’t ban enough because it makes money off these spam accounts”                                      

Ironically, the opposite of the first misconception is that we don’t ban enough. The assumption here is that Grindr benefits from spam on our platform. This is completely false. Grindr in no way benefits from spam on our platform, neither financially nor in terms of the safety and happiness of our users. Again, a look at the pros and cons of allowing spam on Grindr doesn’t support the idea that Grindr somehow benefits from spam:                 

Pros:

• ‍None

Cons:       

• Bad user experience—what’s worse than getting excited to receive a new message only to realize it’s spam
• Negative app reviews and ratings
• Fewer users, resulting in decreased subscription and ad revenue                    

As we said above , Grindr is fighting and banning spam non-stop, 24/7, 365 days a year. Spam is our most reported and banned category. The fight against spammers, particularly on an instantaneous chat service where users seek significant privacy, is a big challenge. Our goal is to prevent and remove spam before it’s reported. We use a number of systems in the fight, including a new AI-powered service that helps us detect “non-human” usage of Grindr. Though we are constantly surprised how often we find users with the amazing ability to behave like a machine. Slow down, people!

Recently, we have made significant progress, and spam reports have dropped significantly. But it’s an ongoing battle, and today’s victories can quickly become tomorrow’s new battlefront. Of course, less spam isn’t the goal, no spam is, so we will keep up the fight on bots and spam in the service.

‍We Want The Best Service For You

The Grindr team is committed to creating a safe and authentic environment where diversity, mutual respect, and sex-positivity flourish. Minimizing abuse and spam on our platform is a constant endeavor, and banning people for no reason or allowing spam on our platform would be counterintuitive to everything we strive to achieve for both our users and our business. Thanks to the hard work of our team over the last six months, complaints related to unfair banning and poor support are down significantly and continue to drop each month. We are not done, and remain committed to providing our users with the best platform to connect, thrive and love. We are listening, we appreciate all your help, and we are here for you!

- Alice Hunsberger, Sr. Director, Customer Experience | LinkedIn   

Spanish born, Paris-based artist Pol Anglada has had a busy quarantine. In 2020 alone he collaborated with renowned fashion brands JW Anderson and Moncler; contributed to Free Time, a zine he founded with friends; and maintained a prolific Instagram account.

The key to his productivity is his passion for art. He’s been drawing since he was a young boy, through a childhood he describes like the Spanish version of a Luca Guadagnino film -- more Call Me By Your Name or I Am Love than Suspira. He came of age in northern Spain, near the Pyrenees, where his father and grandfather, electricians by profession, were illustrators in their spare time. They encouraged his drawing while other young boys were playing football. And their conditioning provokes an almost Pavlovian response today. Anglada says a blank sheet of paper and some coloring pens brings him immediate joy, which has served him especially well these last several months.

Anglada’s father’s impact on his life and work goes beyond encouragement and support. His father’s comic collection was a catalyst for the illustrations of male figures that Anglada is celebrated for today. Like so many queer youth raised in small towns (in a pre-internet era on top of that), characters in his father’s comics contributed to his sexual awakening which graduated him onto more erotic work, like the Tom of Finland comics Anglada found in Barcelona’s book stores while on field trips.

The comics did more than foster his ability to immaculately outline a triceps. Anglada has long been drawn to the stories of love and lust within the gay manga comics, as one example, he loved as a teen. When he sketches, he works to capture the sensitivity and vulnerability of queer culture by focusing not just on the act of hooking up, but on the feelings it evokes -- anticipation, trepidation, exhilaration, even disappointment. For those who find themselves in the pandemic missing the emotions as much as the orgasms, Anglada’s art has you covered.

An Interview with Pol Anglada

Hi Pol. Where are you right now?

I’m in Paris.

You live an international life, and it no doubt inspires your work — how has quarantine hurt or helped that?

I have a day job as a fashion designer in Paris, and I do my drawings and illustrations in my spare time. So actually, as much as 2020 has been a hell of a mess, it’s given me lots of space to focus and to spend more time at home drawing.

The last several months have seen people, especially in creative professions, try to establish a routine to find inspiration – whether it’s baking bread or working out. What’s your routine?

Ever since I was a child, my go-to activity during free time has always been drawing. As a kid it cost nothing to keep me entertained; I just needed a sheet of paper and a couple of coloring pens. That’s helped me to be cool with alone time. I understand that for many people, being by yourself or inside your head has been tough. What works for me is I start drawing while listening to podcasts so it feels like there’s a conversation between friends around me. My inspiration literally comes from the world that we live in. With quarantine, things feel very still. And when I get in my head, I just draw what’s in front of me.

I’m working on a book, and as I write it and through anything I’ve written really, I’ve been obsessed with the idea of the muse. Who are the men that you draw? Do you have muses that inspire you?

I love what you say about the muse. To me the muse is more about the attitude [than a man]; it's something that obsesses me with a character. Ultimately, the outside of the body, even on gay illustrations, I’m not into drawing genitals. I try to stay more on the movement and the emotion of the character. The muse goes from someone, an individual, to a certain kind of attitude or thought. Recently, I did work for Kink magazine with Paco y Manolo that was a bit more sexual [than usual] but what I was trying to do was capture the essence of meeting and hooking up.

The idea of the muse also played a big role in my sexual upbringing. When I was a teenager, I found my dad’s comic collection from the eighties and you’d have very buffed up characters who were also very dark. Those male characters, who obviously weren’t gay, were part of an aesthetic that inspired me. Muses, to me, are the idea of someone inconcrete.

Talk about finding a muse now – when you are isolated from people, when Hook up culture is on hold. Is your drawing and journaling an outlet for sexual fantasy?

For me, drawing is an outlet from reality in general. Again, the thing I remember the most in my life is drawing. Little boys would be playing football, and I found greater joy drawing by myself. While growing up and coming to terms with my own sexuality, and through my frustration with a male character in my dad’s comics having a straight hook-up, my drawings were a bit more of an inner sexual discovery.

During quarantine, I was balancing being locked down at home with how much I was enjoying it in order to push myself forward. So I’d do a drawing about going bananas but also about being in my own head. Drawing is having a conversation with yourself.

But yeah, when I haven’t seen my boyfriend in two weeks, sometimes sketching becomes... a really good outlet, if you know what I mean.

How do you draw differently for a fashion collaboration, like with JW Anderson or Moncler, than you do for a personal project?

Not that much really. I was really lucky to collaborate with JW Anderson and with Moncler. Jonathan [Anderson] is really straightforward and knows exactly what he wants. In the middle of the pandemic he wanted to tackle a new way to showcase a collection without a physical event, so I got to create characters and they gave me total freedom. I cherished that freedom and got to treat the project like I was drawing at home.

It was the same with Moncler. They were so open to being in my universe.

It’s super interesting and important how the fashion is opening more and more again to illustration, including really brilliant illustrators like Ricardo Fumanal. In 2020 and 2021, illustration is a really resourceful way to communicate a vision.

Do you also see fashion houses embracing queer culture more and more? Your collaboration with Moncler, for example, may not have been the most intuitive.

When I draw, even if it’s a depiction of gay men, I always try to push the depiction to the more vulnerable side. It may be suggestive or have sexual energy but it’s really about sensitivity and vulnerability, and to me, that’s part of what’s so empowering about queer culture.

What’s your take on social media, where you post so much of your art? Some of your art could be called escapist, and there’s criticism that social media is making us all lose touch with reality.

For me, Instagram is a portfolio. My sketchbook where everything goes. I find living in the tangible world to be good and that it’s also good to have them a bit separated, but you have to make it work for you.

Let’s talk about the escapism that inspired your earliest drawings, back when you were a young boy in Spain. I’m from a small town too, in Iowa where I am now actually. To what extent has being from a small town and without access to the queer culture you’re immersed in now influenced your art?

I’m from northern Spain, from Catalonia, near France. My family on my dad’s side were electricians and my family on my mom’s side were farmers — but my dad and granddad have drawn all their lives. They’ve never taken it as a profession, but I’m lucky enough to come from a family where we celebrated art and individuals the way that they were. I didn’t have a problem growing up not wanting to play football and wanting to play dress up, or cutting out clothing for dolls that my grandma made. Everyone in my family supported me and my drawing.

I share all of that because all of that support for me and my imagination made for the perfect childhood.

And those early drawings were inspired by your father’s comic books. I’m assuming there weren’t a lot of queer people in your town, so were comics your first connection to them?

Obviously, my dads comics weren’t gay or queer. I just focused on the male figure within those comics. And eventually I learned how cool it was that people did erotic comics: when I was 13 or so, I went on vocational trips to Barcelona where I could pop into comic stores. It was there that I first got my hands on a Tom of Finland comic and that blew my mind -- I was like WHAT!? I was born in 1991 and we didn’t have a computer until I was 15. So growing up, it was all about making the trip to bookstores in Barcelona and getting comics from the likes of Jiraiya, a Japanese author that draws gay magna, or Tom of Finland like I said. The list goes on and on.

Do you ever think about young people in small towns going to comic stores looking at the zines you’re drawing for now? Or even seeing these drawings online and having the same experience as you?

You’re giving me goosebumps. That would make me the happiest in the world. We have a fanzine called Free Time that’s just my friends, and we invite people to tell people about their free time. We’ve been to a couple of fan zine conventions, and there have been some people who I didn’t know telling us that they love it. I try not to think about it, because I have so much to draw, but that’s my goal. It’s one of the best things ever to happen, when someone seems to enjoy my drawings as much as I enjoy drawing them.

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Brendan Scannell is what happens when Julianne Moore is mixed with a 30 minute stand-up set: star power, comedic timing, and an Herbal Essences commercial.

I’ve known Brendan since before his breakout role in the critically acclaimed Heathers revival, and I’ll tell you now what I knew even back then: he’s a star. Every project he touches is blessed with queer sensibility, wry humor, and midwestern charm. And, apart from his refined talent and lustrous copper red hair, he is also one of the most genuine people in the industry.

So it’s really no surprise that the new season of Bonding, out now on Netflix, is a fabulous vehicle for Brendan’s physical comedy, barbed zingers, and humanity. This is a pedigree binge of the highest order. I mean, who else could balance pup play and the intimate complexities of friendship in a 15-minute episode?

I spoke to Brendan before the show’s premiere about the exciting new season, along with a few other eclectic subjects: foot fetishes, the women’s section at your local thrift store, oh, and his love life…

Brendan! How are you? How've you been keeping yourself busy during quar?

Hi Patrick! I’m doing well, thank you! I haven’t been keeping busy so much as investing in a lot of hobbies. I’ve been taking French over Zoom and I sewed myself a pair of pants.

Tell us about this season of Bonding. What're you most excited about?

Season 2 picks up a couple months after Season 1. Pete and Tiff are the disgraced persona non gratas of the domme community and have to go back to “domme school” in order to win back their good graces and make money. This season goes a lot deeper into the world and the emotional stakes of their friendship, so I’m excited and nervous for people to see that.

The first season of bonding dipped its toes into the waters of S&M, are we taking the full plunge this season?

If you’re talking about me peeing on a client in season 1, then yes my feet were wet. Season 2 we get to explore some fun new kinks (pup play, breath control, financial domination) while bringing back some old faves (foot fetish, penguin play). So hopefully everyone is very wet by the end of episode 8.

There’s a lot of misinformation on BDSM out there. Do you think that’s mostly in the straight world or does the queer community have similar blind spots?

While I’m no expert (I’m an actor aka often dumb), I believe the queer community to be by and large more accepting of all things sexually outside the mainstream, and more accustomed to voicing it’s intimate interests and disinterests. The most important part of BDSM is clear, informed and enthusiastic consent, which I think has been shown to be missing often in straight culture but can be an issue in the queer community as well.

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How has navigating the release of the show been in the pandemic?

Honesty great. Love a zoom!

I know you've been learning French this past year, what's your favorite French phrase to say?

Qui, je parle maintenant un peu de français. Basically, I’m trying to learn enough to get cast as Emily’s bag boy on Emily in Paris if Darren Starr is reading this. I take from an adorable little school called CouCou in Silver Lake but they also do classes globally online. I think my favorite phrase is “Je kiff” which is slang for “I like” as in “Je kiff la series Bonding sur Netflix!” And a useful quarantine phrase is “Tu m’as manqué” or “I missed you.”

Bonding is streaming on Netflix, should one slowly savor season 2 or binge?

One simply must binge unless edging is your thing. Then do you. Slowly.

You always turn an amazing look. Where do you get your clothes from?

Luckily I’m quite short so I mostly shop in the women’s sections of thrift stores. I love to throw on something my grandma would wear and have a few of her blouses in my closet. Shoulder pad chic!

For our Grindr audience, are you single and what's your type?

I am dating someone, who is fantastic and I’m very happy to be with. As for type, I’ve been all over the map and mostly looking for someone who can make me laugh.

What're you most looking forward to post-pandemic?

Traveling with friends in a way that is safe, ethical, and won’t set the internet ablaze.

Chances are you’re wearing sweatpants right now, lying fully horizontal on your couch, plotting how soon you can order your next takeout meal. You haven’t left your apartment all week, and you certainly haven’t stepped foot onto a dance floor in days, months, years? Enter: Rubby with a new music video that might just lift you out of your current malaise and transport you to the nightclub you’ve been missing.

“Tight Corridors” is the second single from the Dominican-born, NYC-raised, and now CDMX-based artist’s soon to be released first EP, PÁJARO MALO. The genre-bending dance floor anthem is set to steamy visuals and sharp choreography that nods to rave culture, public sex, and what Rubby calls “femmeraderie.” Check it out for yourself, and don’t blame us if you experience a sharp pang of nostalgia for life Before:

We spoke with Rubby about the project, quarantine, Grindr, and more. Here are some snippets from our conversation, edited for length and clarity:

Hi! Would you like to introduce yourself?

Hey Grindr! My name is Rubby Valentin and I can be anything you want me to be 😏 I was originally born in the Dominican Republic but grew up in Washington Heights, NYC. During the day I'm a corporate girl, but at night I transform into a multi-dimensional fantasy. I've been singing, producing and directing my own music and visual art for the past three years. Some may say I'm a lot to handle, but I think I'm exactly who I am supposed to be. Star me and stay along for the ride.

Where in the world are you right now?

I am currently residing in the beautiful Ciudad de Mexico. I decided to move here three months ago after growing tired of my space and needing some new things to explore and look at.

What's getting you through quarantine?

Quarantining for me has had its ups and downs, but I've tried to keep it interesting with a couple trips to the Oaxacan beaches and mountains. I live with two amazing roommates that keep me entertained, and we might even get a new kitty this week to spice things up 😺

What are you listening to right now?

I've been listening to alot of old jazz, Sade, Jazmin Sullivan's new album, and lots and lots of Shygirl.

Congrats on the new release! Tell us a little bit about the project.

Thank you! “Tight Corridors'' was produced by NYC-based underground DJ Kilbourne and is the second single off of my first EP, PÁJARO MALO. The five-track work is a bilingual, multi-genre project that details the loud and quiet of the queer experience through a unique blend of New World Dembow, R&B, Techno and signature seductive vocals.

What was your inspiration for the song?

The song came about after going to a rave on my birthday, Feb 14, 2020, right before the pandemic hit. I met a guy there, we had a good time, and, the next day, still drunk off the lust, I wrote the lyrics with my good friend and collaborator Sam Pottash in my downtown Philly apartment. Kilbourne and I had actually made the instrumental for the track a year earlier and were trying to find the right vocals and sentiment. The Phil Collins inspired drums mixed with Kilbourne's knack for obscure and wicked sounds birthed “Tight Corridors." Little did I know that this song would inspire me to take my music and visuals to another level—taking more risks, showing more skin, and looking right into the camera.

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In an ideal world, where would be the best place for people to stream this song?

“Tight Corridors” is an anthem for the dancefloor, the bedroom, the cab ride, the morning shower and the night time skin routine. Get into it!

How did you conceptualize this video? I’m getting dark room vibes (RIP), is this based on your experiences there?

OMG! Haha well... yes but no. Any room can be a dark room if you ask me, and that's kinda what happened in real life 🤫 Jokes aside, I conceptualized the video with set designer Sam Waxman and co-director Gabriel Mejia in NYC this past summer. I knew I wanted something outrageous, extremely queer, and, most importantly, empowering of non-normative sexual experiences! I wanted to show the importance of not only sex, but also femmeraderie through cohesive, organized movement and lewks, lewks, lewks (thanks to my amazing stylist Joe Van O). Shout out to my video husband Salvie for the illustration of intimacy, and to my sisters and fellow dancers Sevyn and Nick Wilkinson for breathing life and fluidity into this project. I couldn't have done it without any of these magical people.

You turn quite a few lewks in this video (ok corset!), tell us about your favorites.

Uff!! Bebe, you already know I had to pull through with the lewks! It is all part of the transformation and DNA of Rubby. My favorite look is the white one in the cage with red lighting where I devour my leading man and stare into the camera with my demon eyes. The imagery for that look was inspired by the name of the EP, PÁJARO MALO, which translates to "bad fa***t" (or bird) in colloquial Dominican Spanish. The look is accompanied by incredible special effects makeup by Steven Añazco. I transformed into something so wickedly scary and beautiful, which is kind of like how I felt about my sexuality growing up.

Who are your biggest musical inspirations?

I am inspired by people who push the limit and create their bodies into work and work into bodies. My biggest musical inspirations are Ms. Boogie, James Blake, Fefita La Grande and FKA Twigs.

Are you single? Looking?

I am happily taken but always looking :)

How do you use Grindr?

As someone who has moved three times within the past year, Grindr has been super helpful in finding new friends, lovers, and hot vegan spots to check out. I believe that promiscuity is a good and healthy choice for society (recommended reading: “Unlimited Intimacy: Reflections on the Subculture of Barebacking” by Tim Dean). But most importantly, I believe in the power of consent and intuition.

What's your profile say?

My profile currently says nothing! I get too hung up on which emojis to use and I like a little sense of mystery.

What's next for you after this release?

Life! And of course, my full EP, PÁJARO MALO, releases on all platforms everywhere February 12, 2021. I might even have a couple more tricks up my sleeve.

What are you most looking forward to doing post-pandemic?

I am most looking forward to not having to wear a mask. I am so tired of having to match them with my outfits!

As our Chief Privacy Officer and in honor of Data Privacy Day 2021, I’d like to address one of the areas that I think many people get wrong about privacy at Grindr: online advertising.

Grindr is the world’s leading LGBTQ+ social application, and with that position comes fair and frequent critique of how we approach complex issues like online advertising and user privacy. There has been much hypothesized in the press over the last few years as to what Grindr does in this area of the business. Unfortunately many get it wrong—very wrong in some cases—so I’m here to set the record “str8” and remove any uncertainty or doubt regarding our commitment to user privacy.

Like many mobile applications, we support the free version of Grindr through advertising and rely on ad partners to help us in this effort. Much of the incorrect reporting in this area is on what data is shared with our advertising partners, so let’s address the key areas:

Precise Location‍

Grindr is a location-centric application, so it is understandable that people assume that we’d share your location information with our advertisers, but that’s a misconception—we do NOT share precise location data with advertisers. Grindr’s ad partners can leverage a device’s IP Address to get a general sense of where the user is in the world, but accuracy drops sharply below city level detail.  

Additionally, and perhaps not as well known as I’d like, Grindr never collects the full precision of a device’s location. We leverage the mobile operating system’s option to only provide us location data “within 100 meters of accuracy of your actual location.” This is why if you and a friend are dining out together (pre-Covid-19) and are both on Grindr, you may find some inconsistencies around the proximity of the profiles in your view. Your friend, who is less than a meter away from you, will show a few profiles out from you in your app, whereas someone two restaurants away may show up right next to you. This is by design. We’re confident that if you’re really into one another you’ll be able to sort through the 100m masking and figure out how to connect.

Age and Gender‍

Grindr users represent a wide variety of age ranges and, to some people’s surprise, a range of gender identifications. In many online advertising scenarios, it may be acceptable from a privacy perspective to share these details to better inform the contextual nature of ads a user may receive. But again, Grindr does NOT share this information with our ad partners.

If we don’t share location, age, or gender, what does Grindr share with ad partners?‍

We share the basics and only the basics: the mobile advertising ID (MAID) of the device (which users have full control over within their mobile operating system), IP Address (needed to communicate with the user’s device), and device details like make, model, OS version, etc. MAIDs are used to track which ads are seen and clicked on in a way not associated with a user’s personal information. Device information is used to deliver the best ads a particular device can support (lower quality video or even static ads are shown on older, slower devices, for example) and to help catch the bad guys who may be using emulators to trick the ad ecosystem in overcounting ad impressions or clicks to make money.

That’s it!  We share only the most basic information—which users largely control—and nothing about a user’s Grindr account details. This last point is worth repeating: there is nothing from within a user’s Grindr account details that is shared with an ad partner. Full stop.  

We care deeply about the privacy of our users, and we approach advertising policy globally so any Grindr user across the planet can rest assured that the details above are the same for them.

I hope this clears up some of the misconceptions and misreporting around how Grindr approaches ads on our platforms. If you have more questions about ad privacy or other areas of privacy at Grindr, please reach out to us at [email protected] and check out the Privacy section of our Help Center.

-Shane Wiley, Chief Privacy Officer | LinkedIn

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When Trump was elected in 2016, I looked out the office of a Fortune 50 law firm and said to myself: “It's time to get to work.” Four years ago on the day that Trump was being inaugurated, I was interviewing at Grindr to be their first in-house counsel. Since that time, I've had the honor of serving as Security Officer under the National Security Agreement with the United States of America, representing the company, the community, and the country working as a team to ensure that Grindr's user data remains safe and secure in the United States.

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Today’s inauguration represents an opportunity for all people, irrespective of social class, racial origin, sex, or gender, to reimagine the innate sense of pride and purpose that comes with being your most authentic self. It remains my honor to be a part of a supremely talented and experienced team working tirelessly so that Grindr can realize its next chapters of success in providing a platform where the global LGBTQ+ community can connect and thrive.

May we all stay connected, working and thriving together.

On Tuesday, December 29th at approximately 3:30pm PST, Grindr experienced a bug with our moderation systems. These systems were designed to fight spam, but unfortunately this incident resulted in the unintentional banning of several Grindr members during a 17-minute window of time. The issue was detected and rectified within those 17 minutes and all affected users were fully unbanned within 2 hours.

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We apologize for any inconvenience or confusion this caused. We are actively working to ensure this does not happen again and we are committed to continually improving our moderation systems in 2021.

The Grindr team wishes you a joyous holiday season!

^{Photo by Ramon Christian}

“How would you like me to refer to your genitals?”

“Cock? I guess?” Penis felt clinical, dick felt crass.

I was seated beside sex and intimacy consultant Court Vox in his West Hollywood apartment, about to begin my 4-hour “embodiment session.”

For context: I’m no stranger to therapy. I’ve long been searching for a professional to pinpoint exactly what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I seem to get over my ex? Why do my palms sweat the moment I enter a retail space? Why am I finding it harder to cum?

The pickle

Specifically, when it came to the bedroom, I’ve been feeling increasingly off lately. I was finding it difficult to get out of my head during hookups, analyzing every moment for possible signs of disinterest from my partners (are they enjoying this? am I doing something wrong?), leaving virtually no headspace for pleasure.

Quarantine, of course, didn’t help matters. No longer locking eyes with a potential lover in a bar or, better yet, dark room (RIP), I’m instead home, alone with my neuroses, forced to be intentional and proactive about every sexual encounter (ugh). The fancy prostate stimulator I invested in early-quara was just collecting dust in my bedside drawer (too much work) and most days I skipped masturbating altogether.

Though I consider myself a bottom, I’ve been shying away from bottoming, instead preferring quick, oral scenarios (blow ‘n’ go’s, to use the Grindr parlance) over anything more sustained. And, more often than not, I’ve been brushing my partners’ hands away, saying “it’s fine” and pulling up my underwear to leave without climaxing.

I suspected my antidepressant (shoutout to my girl Lexapro) and 2020 being the least-sexy-year-of-all-time had something to do with it, but I also felt something psychologically deeper was awry. This behavior didn’t feel self-actualized and I wanted to get to the bottom of it (no pun intended).

I tried talking with my regular shrink about these issues but his eyes always seemed to glaze over (or, worse, was he getting... aroused?). Either way, he was useless to me in this department. Talk can only get you so far. So I began searching for an expert, i.e. a sex therapist.

Which brings me to Court Vox. I found him on Instagram of all places, @courtvox, where he identifies as a “sex and intimacy consultant” offering “body-based learning” through immersion retreats at his studio in West Hollywood. His website explains, “My work is designed to nurture, deepen and/or awaken the sensual self.” I was sold.

The session

On the day of my session, Court opened the door to his studio and almost immediately got to work. “Close your eyes and imagine you’re wearing a backpack. Fill it with everything you came here with today: your work stress, your home life, maybe your nerves about this session. Take a deep breath and feel the weight of it all.” I did; it was heavy. “Now take it off.”

With that, he reached for a long rope and my heart started to race. We’re doing rope stuff already? He explained that this rope, tied in a circle, signified our boundaries and trust. We invited various intentions into the space—curiosity, playfulness, eroticism—before he instructed me to stand inside the circle with him and lean backwards, putting my full weight into the rope (trust fall vibes).

At this point I felt like I had stumbled into a college drama class. Intellectually I could guess what he was aiming for with these exercises, but I’m not someone who is typically moved by spiritual, hippy-dippy type stuff. I get it, we have to establish trust, but my anxiety was forcing me to anticipate when exactly the body-based learning would begin.

“Have you ever had your feet washed before?”

“Never,” I laughed. He ushered me to the couch and told me to close my eyes and just focus on the sensation. If my mind started to wander, I was simply to bring it back to the physical feeling in my feet. I tried to relax as he massaged my feet in a way that can only be described as sensual. But my mind was racing, judging the strangeness of this gesture, then judging my judgement of it (I’m exhausting even myself here).

Afterwards, he sat beside me and asked how it felt. “Amazing!” I said, and thanked him. He looked deep into my eyes, waiting.

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Fine, I admitted it made me a little uneasy. “I think I don’t feel comfortable receiving things. Like I start to worry about what I’ll have to do in return or I feel an expectation to perform pleasure and then that takes me out of the moment?”

I thought about it some more. “Maybe I don’t feel worthy?”

And there it was. It sounds textbook (and dramatic) in retrospect, but in the moment this was a revelation to me. He’d unlocked one of my subconscious roadblocks, through a foot rub. This guy was good.

We’d found the focus of our session: cultivating worth. Court explained that this is a very common issue for clients. We get stuck in patterns of giving, oftentimes to deflect from ourselves, and we lose sight of who/what all that giving is actually for.

We returned to the couch to communicate our “agreements” before the final portion which he called: body work. Bingo. He explained the next hour or so was all about me learning to receive pleasure.

Some ground rules

• “I am going to take care of myself. Trust that I will communicate what I need,” and vice versa (can all hookups begin with this incantation?).  
• “Stay in the yellow,” push yourself to places you might not normally go.
• “Don’t yuck someone’s yum, and don’t yum someone’s yuck.” When your partner expresses a fantasy or desire, do your best to make them feel safe and understood in their vulnerability (even if you ultimately decline to engage).

With these agreements in place, Court asked if I preferred to have him undress me or to do so myself, in private. Fearing the intimacy of the former (sadly I can’t recall the last time even a lover has disrobed me), I decided to strip down myself, sprawling out on the massage table and waiting for him to return for the “active massage.” My instructions were to be vocal, ask for what I wanted, move my body in response to touch, and make noise when I felt like it. This wasn’t some rub ‘n’ tug at a cash-only Weho parlor—this was deeper. Together, we would cultivate a mindfulness of touch.

Out of respect for Court’s practice, I won’t delve too deeply into the secrets of body work. It’s a personal, intimate practice, and I wouldn’t want anyone to misconstrue real learning for some sort of perversion. I experienced a different kind of pleasure, one that I had to actively request, and I think I unlocked a suppressed part of me. Having to vocalize my desires empowered me with a sense of confidence I usually lack during hookups (no more mumbling, “I don’t know, what do you want me to do?”). Not to mention, I discovered I enjoy some light flogging (who knew!). After around 20 minutes, I decided to stop early, wanting to end on a high. I was trembling, light-headed, hungry. The duration of a full hour at such intensity frightened me, and Court understood, commending me for listening to my body.

He ran me a shower and when I returned to the living room I saw he had prepared me some fresh fruit and toast. We sat down to chat about what I had felt, to “integrate” the experience. With the big unknown behind us, my anxiety had almost completely evaporated, and it was as if I was talking with a close friend, a mentor even.

I did have one specific question for him, something that had been plaguing me for a while: why do I feel like I have to tense my legs straight in order to cum? It’s like I’m practically planking for an orgasm. Am I alone in this? He laughed, no. Apparently it’s quite common, and has something to do with our physiology: by tensing your legs you’re helping to push the blood flow to the groin area. He said I could try masturbating in different positions, effectively training myself out of the habit (“try jacking off with your feet above your head!”). I had a few more questions, to say the least, but this was only my first session, and I hoped I’d be back.

The old mental health adage of “you’d go to the doctor to fix your broken arm, why wouldn’t you go to a psychiatrist to fix your depression?” should extend to, “why wouldn’t you go to a sexpert to improve your sex life?” We’re conditioned to think sex comes naturally, and it does most times if we’re lucky, but life can twist us in ways that impede this innate pleasure. Sex therapists guide us back to the path of unbridled joy, back to the “big O.” The lessons I learned from Court were really broader philosophical truths.

The bedroom is a microcosm of our entire lives--strengthen your sex life, and that success can only ripple outward.

Before I left, Court had me write a postcard to myself, which he’d mail sometime in the future. Not quite sure how to condense the expanse of my feelings at the time, I quickly scribbled, “You’re a giver, and that’s good, but start taking a little more. And maybe try some light flogging. Love, yourself.”

We’re giving our users a little something extra to open this holiday season with Grindr Unwrapped, an informal stats report that sheds some light on the year in Grindr activity. If you couldn’t already tell from the name, we were inspired by Spotify’s annual Spotify Wrapped, which we look forward to every December even though it tells many of us here at Grindr HQ the same thing year after year (“your music taste is…gay”). And since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, we decided to throw our hat in the ring in 2020 with a look at sex & dating trends among the nearly 13 million gay, bi, trans & queer folks who use our app each month.

Now, before you balk at the claim that Chile is a hot spot for tops, or that Sweden is home to a higher-than-average bottom population, we wanted to offer a caveat. This data only represents a subsection of our users (not all Grindr users include this information on their profiles), and Grindr itself only represents a subsection of the global queer community. So it’s important to note that this is not meant as a comprehensive or scientific report on global queer sex & dating behaviors. Instead, it’s meant as a fun and informal way to help our users get to know each other better, serve as an ice-breaker for conversations in the app, and provide some insights into Grindr activity trends from the year.

It was a year unlike any other, and many of the usual ways people enjoy Grindr—in-person dates, hookups, tennis (yes, some of us use Grindr to find tennis partners)—were off the table in 2020 due to COVID-19. But that doesn’t mean people weren’t still connecting. This snapshot of activity shows that even in a year of quarantine and isolation, people still found ways to express themselves and connect safely from home.

Dig in below, and cheers to a safer and more connected 2021.

Alex Black, Head of Marketing | LinkedIn

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In the spirit of the season, we wanted to share some of the holiday traditions that help us get through the most wonderful—and sometimes most stressful—time of the year. Check out our favorite festive guilty pleasures, family recipes, self-care secrets, Yuletide tunes and more below. Happy holidays from all of us at Grindr!

TRAVIS BRACE, CUSTOMER SUPPORT PROGRAM MANAGER

I absolutely adore the holidays. I’m fortunate enough to have a supportive, enthusiastic family, and insane enough to insist on hosting them year after year for Christmas. As it’s the only holiday my family gathers to celebrate, providing the Christmas House™ is a… stressful undertaking. I do enjoy being the planner of the family (I’ve been “lovingly” nicknamed Drill Sergeant Trav, after my affinity for traditions and agendas), but my favorite tradition doesn’t involve anyone but myself—and Eartha Kitt.

Every Christmas Eve, when not a creature is stirring, I pour a glass (read: bottle) of Lambrusco, slip on a Santa hat, and run a hot bath. While “Santa Baby” plays on repeat, I sit in the tub and do absolutely nothing. And that’s it. That’s the tea, y’all. Even Santa needs some Me Time.

So, this holiday season, remember to give yourself the gift of self-care. No matter your traditions, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is doing whatever you need to be happy and healthy.

ALEX BLACK, HEAD OF MARKETING

My love for Christmas trees goes deep, and the amount of time and thought I put into my bush each year borders on irrational. Two years ago was a tiki-themed tree, with hula grass for the skirt (naturally) and cocktail umbrellas galore. Last year it was a Dolly Parton-themed tree, replete with luscious locks of platinum blond hair, mini-45” records, and little pink guitars.

This year’s theme is She-Devil, and the over-the-top stylings of Roseanne Barr and Meryl Streep’s 1989 camp classic will be on full display with romance novel covers, lace doilies, flames, devil horns, and cascading strands of ‘80s power pearls. The only video that makes me feel seen in my tree obsession during the holidays, and one that I cue up each year to get in the spirit (much to my partner’s chagrin), is this hilarious masterpiece by John Roberts.

Written by and starring John Roberts. Directed by Clay Weiner. Edited by Jesse Reisner. DP Drew Denicola. A mom and her christmas tree

ALICE HUNSBERGER, SENIOR DIRECTOR OF CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE

Piparkökur (Icelandic Black Pepper Gingerbread - vegan)‍

(recipe adapted from the post punk kitchen vegan gingerbread)

My mother's side of the family is Icelandic and we always enjoy our gingerbread cookies extra-spicy with lots of black pepper. It's not the holiday season without these in our house! You can eat these plain, or ice them and decorate them. I usually use snowflake cookie cutters for these, but if you want to make cute gingerbread people, go all out!

What you’ll need:

1/3 cup canola oil

3/4 cup sugar

1/4 cup molasses

1/4 cup plain milk (soy, almond, oat, cow, all work here)

2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

spice blend:

1/2 teaspoon each ground nutmeg, cloves and cinnamon

1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger

1 teaspoon black pepper

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 F. Lightly grease your cookie sheets or line with parchment paper.

In a large bowl whisk together oil and sugar for about 3 minutes. Add molasses and milk and stir some more.

Add dry ingredients and mix until a stiff dough is formed. Most recipes say to chill the dough, but I never bother and the cookies always end up fine. They're a bit more fiddly to cut out so you need to be careful, but it also means you don't need to wait 2 more hours to eat your cookies!

On a lightly floured surface roll the dough out to a little less than 1/4 inch thick. Cut out your shapes and plonk on your baking sheet.

Bake for 8 minutes. Let cool - the longer you keep them on the baking sheet while cooling, the more crispy they will get.

MONTY SUWANNUKUL, LEAD PRODUCT DESIGNER

My parents both emigrated from Thailand when they were teenagers, so our holidays were very much a mashup of things they remembered from the homeland and traditions they learned from host families, college friends and next door neighbors. Like the other families in our Northern California suburb, we would have large meals for Thanksgiving and Christmas, often with our own stragglers: a visiting cousin, an old college pal, or, in my adult years, my friends from the city whose families lived too far away.

Every one of these meals has started with what is known as the Crabbatizer, a massive platter of broken-down crab, pounded piece by piece by my dad and organized by limb type. This admittedly macabre scene is served alongside a punishingly delicious spicy sauce made from garlic, chili, lime juice, pepper and fish sauce. Dad says the secret ingredient is a dash of warm water, which is just crazy enough to be true. In past years, these holidays have coincided with the influx of local (and huge) California Dungeness Crab, but this year the crabbing season was pushed back to protect some migrating humpback whales. And so in 2020, we had smaller crabs for our smaller holiday.

STACY BACA, ACCOUNT MANAGER

The Christmas season in our house was always filled with music. Dad would begin dusting off those old records in the first week after Thanksgiving. I have so many good memories of wrapping presents, trimming the tree, making Christmas cookies with Mom and my big bro to these family favorites! Happy Holidays!!!!

ALINA LEBRON, SALESFORCE ADMINISTRATOR

Holidays don't feel right without these 3 things: Christmas trees, proper decor, and saving the best for last...COQUITO! Coquito is the Puerto Rican version of eggnog. It doesn't have eggs, but it sure has lots of rum! Every year, I usually make batches of this delicious drink, put them in decorated mason jars, and hand them out to my closest friends of the year in a Santa hat. No one can resist!

Discover & share this Rum GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

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SHANE WILEY, CHIEF PRIVACY OFFICER

I’ve always loved this time of year because it’s centered on giving to others. Even as a youngster I found myself drawn to what I could give over what presents I received. One of my fondest traditions was established when my nieces and nephews asked for the option to bundle their b-day with Christmas, essentially allowing them to "double up" their budget and go big on Christmas. This put even more pressure on me to make a big impact with their gifts, but I enjoyed the challenge.

Last year the youngest crossed into adulthood, and most of them now have kids of their own, so I focus more on spoiling my mom  these days (new iPad this year). I do enjoy a bit of a holiday comfort in eating one of my favorite "bad foods" on this planet: a Kringle!!! Kringles are hand-rolled from Danish pastry dough (wienerbrød dough) that has been rested overnight before shaping, filling, and baking. Many sheets of the flaky dough are layered, then shaped into an oval. After filling with fruit, nut, or other flavor combinations, the pastry is baked and iced. Give yourself and your family a treat this year!

BILL SHAFTON, VP BUSINESS & LEGAL AFFAIRS

My holiday heart strings usually resonate on core matters—so connecting with friends and family and other purposeful activities. Hanukkah, known as the Festival of Lights, inevitably inspires me to create new music with the intent of harmonizing with that Light. That, some tennis, and Krispy Kreme donuts will round out what I hope will be a peaceful time for all of us.

The official GIPHY channel for Saturday Night Live. Saturdays at 11:30/10:30c! #SNL

WADDIE GRANT, EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT

My favorite activity to do during the holiday season, besides attending open buffet and bar events, is going to holiday photo pop-ups in Brooklyn and Manhattan. I find so much creative inspiration when I participate at these pop-ups, in front of or behind the camera phone.

MUNIR ESTEVANE, PRINCIPAL SOFTWARE ENGINEER

Something that I look for during holidays is spending them with close friends—our chosen family.

Recently it has not been so easy to meet in person (we’re pretty spread out geographically), but something that really has helped make pandemic-affected holidays less lonely is Discord, an app that makes it easier to talk, video chat, and hang out with friends.

We get together two or three times a week on Discord for movie watching, game playing, or simply to share photos and chat it up with drinks!

ZAYED KADDOURA, DIRECTOR FP & A

This time of year, for most, is about family and traditions. Growing up in the Middle East, I didn’t celebrate Christmas, and I now live more than eight thousand miles away from home.

The Christmas traditions I celebrate today are ones I’ve formed with what I lovingly refer to as my American family: my college roommate’s parents, who practically adopted me as their own. Allow me to paint a picture: Arab teenager moves to Pennsylvania, knows nobody, joins a fraternity, and ends up with a stocking on the wall and gifts under the Christmas tree of a suburban household.

From my years of celebrating with them, I’ve adopted some of their traditions, like spending the entire day in a onesie, free-flowing mimosas starting at 8:00am, an A+ charcuterie board, gift exchanges, and movie marathons. To help get me through this years’ quarantined Christmas, I fully intend on having my 8:00am mimosa, in a onesie, while I binge watch Desperate Housewives.

JAY SOJKA, ASSOCIATE HR GENERALIST

The Holidays are such a special time to revisit some of my favorite traditions. Despite this year being a much smaller crowd, COVID won’t crush my Christmas spirit. My partner and I still have a large appetite for some mulled wine, Freeform’s 25 days of Christmas movies, and dressing up our pets in cheesy holiday pajamas.

Everything has changed this year (understatement of the century). Quarantine has forced us to reconstruct our lives in an almost entirely digital space. But they say constraints breed creativity, and that’s definitely the case for Rob Tennent, a recent fashion graduate of Auckland University of Technology in Zealand. Faced with the news that his senior class would no longer have a final runway show due to COVID-19 restrictions and budget cuts, Rob decided to showcase his collection on Grindr.

“The idea came to me as I was scrolling through Grindr and saw a faceless torso sporting a vintage Helmut Lang singlet. This was the lightbulb moment. I thought, if I could get around six accounts to post images in my singlets, it’d look cohesive and would emulate a lookbook/ campaign.” So that’s just what he did.

We spoke with Rob about the project, fashion, Grindr, and more. Here are some snippets from our conversation:

What are you wearing right now?

Sitting in a cafe called Annabel’s, in a pair of vintage Levi’s and a thrifted Acne shirt.

Tell us about your upbringing/coming out experience.

I was born in Cambodia to a Vietnamese mother and a European father. I moved to St. Lucia and Papua, New Guinea for a few years before settling in New Zealand at the age of 12. I then went to an all boys boarding school here for five years, which was certainly a unique experience for a soon-to-be-out queer teenager. (Shout out to my best friends Luca and Tyler, I would have not survived without my gays!) I came out to my dad when I turned 16 and he responded the way any parent should: with love. I then came out to my mum who told me she pretty much knew from my early childhood but never cared to ask. I have been extremely fortunate.  ‍

What made you decide to pursue fashion?

At boarding school, we had a fabric technology class where we had to sew a pencil case in six weeks. I had completed mine in the first week and the teacher encouraged me to try making a shirt or some pants, which I did. I then realised how much I loved doing it and how much more I wanted to learn.

Who are your biggest design influences?

Rick Owens and Helmut Lang.

What's your favorite/least favorite fashion trend fo late?

Favourite: probably bucket hats, I think they are cute. Least would probably be repeating a logo and using it as a print, but I think that is on its way out.

Tell us about your graduate collection.

Originally, I wanted to step away from this aesthetic and go for tailored suits, similar to pieces Phoebe Philo did for Céline. A week before I was due to start this project, we entered a five week lockdown, and then another after that, and I realized I wouldn’t be able to do the original idea. I actually had started these singlets the year before, and I had all the patterns and research already available, so I decided to revisit it and make a second iteration. The cut out ideas were inspired by Helmut Lang’s 2004 collection. I made them all into body suits because I hate it when things come untucked.

Where is the ideal place to wear these designs?

Clubbing for sure. I designed this for the club scene. When you want to show off some skin but not too much. The garment is relaxed yet sensual at the same time.

Why do you think fashion means so much to the LGBTQ+ community?

I think when you feel ostracized, you learn to give less of a fuck as you get more confident in your own skin. For me, I was suppressed for so long in a heterosexual space that as soon as I had any freedom, I went wild with it. Society tells us to hide and be ashamed, so in many ways it is an act of rebellion to be different and expressive. I certainly have been through the phase of finding myself and trying new things such as make up and dressing differently, it’s liberating.

What's New Zeland's queen scene like?

We all exist in our own little bubbles. I try to integrate myself as much as I can but I mainly stick to a smaller crowd. We actually only have one or two gay bars and even then it’s usually the same people. The community is small and especially now without international travel, it has shrunk immensely. There has certainly been a surge in queer parties and safe spaces that are being organised by figures in the community that are determined to make an impact and change. I support where I can and am as vocal as I can be, but I would love to do more. I’d say I sit slightly outside the community, I’m an Aquarius so I’m quite distant and aloof.

What's your Grindr like? Any favorite memories?

I remember being on a school trip in Sydney and chatting to a really hot guy. I snuck out of my hotel room to go on a date with him. Afterwards, I texted my straight roommate telling him to go for a long walk so I could have this guy over. While we were hooking up I heard a knock on the door—it was my teacher telling me to get ready for dinner while this guy was literally standing behind the door fully naked! I don't know how I got away with it. Three years later, we still keep in touch. He has come to Auckland and I have gone to Sydney and we stay with each other each time. A very special man! That’s probably the most successful memory I have.

What's been getting you through quarantine?

Comfort food. Mac ‘n’ cheese. Instant Raman noodles. Brownies.

What's next for you?

I am just going to enjoy New Zealand summer and everything it has to offer! I realised I have never explored the small towns in our beautiful country, so I will be road tripping around with my little film camera. I will continue creating content and working with brands here, but probably will move in a year or so! I’d love to maybe publish another book or dabble in film/directing. No set plan, just going with the flow!

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These days internet gift guides are as common as holiday films (of which, they are 82 out this season, including several of queer offerings for the first time). There are gift guides for boyfriends, gift guides for practicing self-care, and even gift guides that recommend a $2,000 Ouija Board.

So how does one subvert gift guides’ most common trope, experts select gifts for a niche audience, for a publication such as this? By consulting a population that has lots of recommendations, but virtually no expertise: Gay Twitter — where the takes are hot and the brains are smooth. (I can say this, as a card-carrying member.)

I surveyed seven Gay Twitter personalities for holiday gift recommendations giving them no theme or guidance when I made my request. Their picks range from the super dystopian to the super gay, with candles being a common theme in both buckets.

Each contributor included one gift, like for a boyfriend, and one stocking stuffer, like for a hot stranger who lives in a different state that you’ve been DMing since mid-March.

Alex Abad-Santos, @alex_abads | New York, NY

Gift

I'm financially slutty and irresponsible when it comes to candles, so if you really want to impress someone with a great present, go with Byredo's candles ($85) —  Ambre Japonais, Peyote Poem, and Bibliotheque are my favorites. Yes, they're pretentious — instead of telling you what they smell like, Byredo has fashioned tiny, flowery vignettes for each scent — and they're expensive, but a fancy candle is one way to make someone's space feel a little more livable this time of year through the seemingly inevitable next wave of lockdowns.

Stocking stuffer

‍Is it bleak to give someone a mask as a stocking stuffer? Yes probably, but unless you've got an in at Moderna or Pfizer, masks will continue to be a fixture in our sad realities. The best one I've tried is from a company called AsWeMove whose pre-mask claim to fame is performance, dancey-looking underwear. The masks, called Stealthshields ($15), are the most comfortable and breathable I've tried and kinda make you look like a superhero at the same time. They're also really great to work out in (if gyms and outdoor training are still open and happening).

B Graeter, @the_petshopboy | New York, NY

Gift

‍My pick for a gift is a puppy (Priceless), to give you bitches a reason to sit your ass at home this holiday pandemic season. Tired? Pics of your trips back and forth to Tulum, Puerto Vallarta, and Miami at the height of uncontrolled viral spread. Wired? Pics of you and your puppy — at home.

Stocking stuffer

‍Alcohol consumption has increased across the board this year, with Nielsen reporting alcohol online sales increasing over 250% from 2019. Drinking through (at least the first half of) 2021, is no excuse for your skin to suffer. Some of y’all need to include more water in your daily diets, and a Soda Stream ($50) is the perfect way to remedy that. Replace straight vodka with vodka sodas, and your skin complexion will thank you come vaccine time!

Jarett Wieselman, @jarettsays | Los Angeles, CA

Gift

When lockdown ends, I want to emerge looking fresher and younger than I did when it started. That’s why I’ve spent far too much money trying out new skincare routines and I gotta tell you, nothing compares to SkinCeuticals. This Biocellulose Restorative Mask ($120) is one of my favorites, and I’ve been paying careful attention to get as much of the serum as possible around my forehead and eye area (anything visible with a mask on). You truly can’t go wrong with any of their ridiculously expensive but very effective products — plus now I can say with confidence that it costs a lot to look this good.

Stocking stuffer

‍I wasn’t a big homebody before lockdown (mostly just used my apartment for sleeping and, well…) so I didn't really need cute clothes for just lounging around the house. But now that I haven’t had to put on jeans for nine months, I’ve basically been living in these super soft and surprisingly chic Pair Of Thieves sweatpants ($60).

Michael Benjamin, @mfbenji | Los Angeles, CA

Gift

‍My favorite type of gifts to give are small items that are useful but that you’d never buy yourself, such as a pizza cutter shaped like a race car ($25). No one would buy themselves a race car pizza cutter because that’s frivolous, but being gifted one? Brilliant. It’s a fun gift that has a clear purpose. The next time you bake a Trader Joes’s pizza, you’re going to be thrilled to slice that baby with your double-bladed utensil.

Stocking Stuffer

‍Play-Doh ($5). Everyone likes Play-Doh. It’s creative for kids, and it’s a great stress-reliever for adults. Also, my mom always said everyone needs a toy to open during the holidays, even adults, and Play-Doh is the perfect toy that can sit in a desk drawer and keep you entertained while you’re stuck on endless Zoom calls.

R. Eric Thomas, @oureric | Baltimore, MD

Gift

‍People say taste in artwork is subjective but that doesn’t apply if you have good taste. Channel your inner Thomas Crown by giving your friends and relatives a firm push in the interior decor department with a limited edition giclee print by Kadir Nelson ($405-$755), and make sure to remind them that Nelson’s artwork has been featured on the cover of “The New Yorker” multiple times, for that extra dash of taste cred.

Stocking Stuffer

Whether the gift recipient has gotten really into meal prep or is working their way through “Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat,” they’ll be surprised by how many uses they can find for a food scale ($14.95). From measuring macros to making macarons, this gift will transform everyone’s food game. And who doesn’t want to weigh their meat?

T. Kyle MacMahon, @tkylemac | New York, NY

Gift

‍Since I'm gay and immunocompromised, two things keeping me company while I'm alone at home during the COVID-19 pandemic are candles and endless cups of iced coffee. Not to sound like an infomercial host, but did you know it’s possible to chill hot coffee in under a minute without melting the ice, watering your coffee down, and completely ruining it? You didn’t? Enter the HyperChiller ($25), which has been making my quarantined mornings (and afternoons, and sometimes evenings) much more pleasant.

Stocking Stuffer

‍My favorite type of candles are three-wick candles; I won’t say which brand because #notsponsored. There was a time when those candles required me to walk to the bodega to buy grill lighters in order to keep my candles lit  (I had a bad incident with a match once, don’t ask.) This flexible rechargeable USB lighter ($14), that I will shamelessly admit I bought after seeing James Charles talk about it on YouTube, eliminates the need for matches or a bulky grill lighter altogether. Sister sustainable.

Anonymous

In a rare show of discretion, one member of Gay Twitter elected to give his recommendation off the record. His advice was too sage not to share. “Just tell the girls to buy a ring light to fix their nudes and call it a day.”

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