What Is the Ick? Meaning, Causes, and Common Examples

You get to know someone and start a budding relationship. The sex is good, the attraction is palpable, and you feel a genuine connection. 

Then, everything changes in an instant. You discover some innocuous trait about this guy that turns those butterflies in your stomach into creepy crawly little spiders. You suddenly can’t stand to be around this person anymore, and your instincts are screaming in your ear to get away from him.

If this has happened to you, you’ve probably caught the ick, meaning this person is now about as appealing as chewing on tin foil. So what went wrong to cause this relationship repulsion? And why does he give you the same kind of cringe you get when you look at your high school yearbook?

There might not be an antidote for the ick (scientists are working on it), but understanding why it happens can help you fine-tune your gut, learn about your preferences in a partner, and avoid guys who might make you lose your lunch. 

What is the ick?

The ick — popularized by TikTok and other social media platforms — describes a feeling of repulsion toward one’s significant other after discovering a seemingly minor quirk about them. It often happens when you really get to know them rather than putting them on a pedestal.

The ick is a gut feeling that can occur at any stage in a relationship, but it’s much more likely in the early stages of dating. It could be triggered by something small, like wearing cargo shorts to a nice restaurant with your friends, or something more significant, like distasteful political views. Regardless of the cause, you can’t fight the feeling. This man will forever be painted in a new light because he loves pineapples on pizza or sings show tunes in the grocery store.

The ick might be your instincts telling you to head for the hills, but it’s just as often irrational. It doesn’t have to spell doom for a relationship — if you don’t want it to.

What causes the ick?

The ick is often caused by the realization someone doesn’t meet your idealized standards. It could be a personality trait, an odd habit, or a hygiene issue that suddenly becomes glaringly obvious. This idiosyncracy sets off an alarm in your brain, telling you this person isn’t right for you. Even worse, it often provokes a visceral reaction of disgust. 

It might sound like a shallow instinct, but the ick isn’t always so simple. It could indicate that you’re associating benign behaviors (e.g., performing unsolicited Fortnite dances at inopportune moments) with past connections or trauma. If your asshole ex exhibited similar behaviors, your brain might automatically assume that this relationship will end similarly — and it lets you know by flooding your body with the ick.

Perhaps the most common reason people get the ick is as a self-defense response. If you struggle with vulnerability in your relationships, your brain might concoct reasons to end things before you get too close. Before you know it, you’re pushing the person away for pronouncing “orangutan” like “orangutang” to prevent your feelings from getting out of hand.

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He gave me the ick — Is it the end?

So, he put up a beige flag, and some overactive part of your nervous system has interpreted it as a giant red banner. Now what?

It might be worth another shot if you’re genuinely fond of the person and something insignificant rubs you the wrong way. Pobody’s nerfect. Just breathe through it, talk about it with a trusted friend or therapist, and focus on what you like about this person. Definitely don’t think about it the next time you have sex.

Communication can also clear things up. Share your feelings about what’s causing the ick. He might have no idea he’s doing something to bother you. Sometimes, a little honesty can go a long way in smoothing out those icky bumps in the road.

However, if the ick persists despite your attempts to squash it, you should take it as a sign the relationship isn’t meant to be. No one should cringe every time they see their partner. You don’t always owe someone that patience or grace, especially if you’re newly dating. Life’s way too short to date someone who makes your skin crawl.

Is it worth saying something when you’re getting the ick?

This is a complicated question to answer. Minor quirks that are easy to address might be worth talking about. If it’s a new relationship, this can open up new lines of communication that make you feel closer than ever.

It can also show you what kind of communicator you’re dating. If he isn’t receptive to honest and respectful criticism, then that ick is worth listening to. Girl, you were right about him.

But if the ick stems from fundamental incompatibility, it’s less helpful to bring it up — at least right away. There’s a good chance he notices it, too. Give it time before you initiate a discussion so you don’t come across as critical. Instead, reflect on your feelings and ask yourself whether it’s worth getting granular with your new guy.

Icks example list

Anything could theoretically give you the ick; it’s all based on personal experiences and preferences. But some icks are more typ-ick-al. Here are some common traits that can make a potential partner seem less appealing:

• Excessive slang: If you or someone you love has been a victim of the word “skibidi,” you may be entitled to compensation — up to and including honoring your ick and finding someone with more “rizz.”
• Chewing loudly: Maybe you’re a stickler for table manners. Maybe you have a genuine repulsion, like misophonia. Either way, you might get the ick if the way your partner eats spaghetti sounds like backshots.
• Dirty living space: Damn bitch, you live like this? A messy room may signal to others that a person doesn’t prioritize personal hygiene, leading to the ick real quick.
• Constant texting: Constant communication every day might be someone’s love language. But for many, it feels clingy and suffocating — not exactly a great way to get in the mood.
• Bad breath: This ick is similar to an unkempt apartment in that it’s pretty gross and indicates the person doesn’t take good care of themselves.
• Oversharing: It’s hard to call this an outright ick since relationships rely on sharing and communication to grow big and strong. However, there is such a thing as too much too soon. And once a partner crosses that threshold, it’s hard to come back.

Another commonly cited ick moment is watching your man chase after a ping pong ball, but we think you should give him some leeway on that one. Do you really think you would look competent and stoic fumbling around on the floor?

When lust becomes disgust, turn to Grindr

The ick is a natural human response, so don’t beat yourself up for it. Just don’t assume your personal disgust proves some objective failure from your partner, either.

If anything, the ick is a blessing. You want to know ASAP if you’re incompatible with someone, even if it’s something small, like that he’s too insistent on paying for dinner. (We’ll gladly take him off your hands.) Recognizing the ick gives you a chance to communicate and resolve those icky feelings — or stop wasting your time with someone who gives you the heebie-jeebies and find you a hunk who doesn’t.

Hoping to make your love life less icky and more sticky? Find potential cringe-free suitors on Grindr! Download the Grindr app today to get started.